Guys, why are some men afraid that a relationship might work out instead of being afraid that it may fail?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • A lot of men think practically, most men like to think long term. They know that YOLO means "you only live once" and because of this they don't want to waste too much time in a relationship that might not be worth it in the long run or one that might simply fail. Some men simply choose not to pursue a relationship in order to maximize time focusing on himself and his own self improvement. This doesn't mean most aren't willing to try it means the ones that are willing to try won't waste time trying to teach their partners the importance of communication and how it should work in a relationship, some women expect men to do most if not all the work in the relationship.

    So just understand that it's easier to avoid a potential problem than trying to fix it.

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    • Then it would not be communication, he is the one feeling uncomfortable with conflicts, not me. Might be the distance instead.

    • Hey you know what, I've never thought of it that way. Thanks for the little enlightenment, I've got something to think about today.

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What Guys Said 10

  • I'm not aware of this being a thing... I can't speak for every guy but it sounds like you're making excuses for something.

    If any man wants to disagree and say he has in fact felt scared of that, then that's news to me.

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    • I personally think that people are more likely to be afraid of things NOT working out than working out. Therefore, I wonder why some people, and in particular men, are afraid of something good happening to them. Hoped you could give me some more insight in it.

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    • So, it is possible that it may be true, but it would be more than a subconscious mechanism.

    • *would be more of a subconscious mechanism.

  • is this a tricky question? do you remember more the good stuff about everything, or the bad stuff? of course you remember all the bad stuff more vividly.

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    • The person said that looking at me reminds him of his wrong doings and he feels bad for what he has does cause I did not deserve any of it. He also added that I never made a mistake in our relationship, that makes him feel very average compared to me. We have been together for like almost a year and a half, but on-off. Every time it started working, he pulled away/ did something to sabotage it. We are at round 3 now after almost a year apart. However, when we started dating we lived in the same one (8 months). I asked why he is scared that it might fail and replied that it scares him it could work out. We have many many issues, i. e. distance/ baggage from previous two rounds/ etc, but he told me he missed me a lot, he does have feelings for me, it is serious between us and he wants to give it another go after almost a year apart living in different countries. So that would explain why every time it starts working it never ends well, but why is he afraid we could work out?

    • you answered it yourself: "[...]it scares him it could work out". he's not ready for any relationship. it's not the right moment. dragging this out is just damaging for both of you, as it seems: "[...]baggage from previous two rounds[...]" you guys can't get a fresh start. remove the band-aid.

  • I had a fear of breaking some ones heart. That it worked so well on the face of it but the spark wasn't there. That's harder than not getting on with someone.

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  • vertigo of having current lifestyle shattered and jumping into some unknown.

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    • Interesting comment

    • What could be even more interesting is if your reply was talking about itself (interestingception!) rather than about my comment.

      And there I did it again! an interesting (to me, at least) comment. Doubleteresting!

  • Have you seen 'Two and a half man'? When Charlie was afraid to settle down and get into a long therm relationship?

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    • I have not. What was the theory behind?

    • He doesn't want to bind himself to one woman. He knows he is someone who needs variation and that a long therm relationship wouldn't last long.

  • Not sure. I'd be much more afraid of it failing and I'd be hoping it works out.

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  • Because they're so concerned about it, and doesn't want to lose the person.

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  • commitment no more fun, becoming domesticated. Less freedom.

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  • Because they are enjoying the single life too much.

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  • I was never afraid that it worked I was always afraid that it fails

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    • Same with me, but we're not all alike, so if there is a chance someone might feel the opposite way, I'd like to understand why. Have you ever come across someone who thinks the other way round, if yes why so?

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