If you message someone on a dating site would you ever put to them I don’t think you’ll reply in a first message?

For me personally I don’t think you should ever type in your first message you think the other person won’t reply to you it kinda shows they’re unconfident with themselves and makes me not want to reply... example
Even if I thought the other person was not going to reply to me I’d still never put that, what do you think?
If you message someone on a dating site would you ever put to them I don’t think you’ll reply in a first message?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Depending on the site in question there are a ton of fake profiles. These profiles give an app/site greater numbers on launch and attract more guys to use the service with the trick that it looks like they will have a greater chance because there are more girls. A lot if these fakes are getting harder and harder to pick out, you can imagine that after weeks or months of writing polite hopeful messages and getting nothing back a guy can get pretty bleak. I would ignore the confidence issue on the first message but keep an eye out for more signs if you do talk to him a
    Bit. (When I was using sites, I ended up giving up and would not even send first messages, only respond to interested girls that didn't seem like advertising bots)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No. People shouldn't say that. I don't use dating sites, but if did , that would be a turn off. I'd be offended that they automatically assumed I'd ignore them when they don't even know me. Their assumption would be baseless. I'd assume they had low self-esteem and trust issues. I can't build a rapport with people who automatically think the worst of me , because of their own insecurities. It's a major turn off. It's a sign of things to come.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • You girls just don't understand that 99% of girls we message on dating apps never reply to us. And it's hard to figure out what we're doing wrong as we're never vulgar or inappropriate to them. So I'm guessing that's what kept happening to him until he just couldn't think of anything else to say except "I know you probably won't reply to this but blah".

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  • He did start off wrong in his message. He already came at you placing you as his girlfriend when you two don't even know each other. However, as a guy I understand why he would state that you probably wouldn't reply - men, in general, get rejected by more women that they're interested in, than the other way around.
    Women may not understand how much men get rejected and ignored, nor do men understand how much or little women get approached or have their feelings dismissed.

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  • Id have to say I would probably respond because I'd feel bad that he thinks he's not worth my reply. But it doesn't mean I'd date him. If his profile or pic doesn't spark an interest then I'm not gonna date him. But he deserves the respect to be replied too and explain I'm not interested. When I was dating I tried my hardest to respond to every message because I think they deserved it for taking the time out to message me.

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    • " If his profile or pic doesn't spark an interest then I'm not gonna date him" which means if he is ugly, i won't date him, lol
      and then girls say " look doesn't matter"

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    • My first husband I fell in love with before I knew what he looked like over the phone. I wasn't that physically attracted to him once I met him. And I believe it may have caused issues in our relationship. So my second time around it was important for me to make sure I was physically attracted too. And there's nothing wrong with that.
      What girls say as far as I've seen is mental attraction is more important. Not that physical attraction doesn't matter at all. And it's true. Personality is more important. I don't care how hot a guy is. If his personality sucks then goodbye.

  • I feel like they say that to prepare themselves in case it the person doesn't reply cause its happened before, that way they won't feel so down about it later. But yes, I don't see a reason to say it, if they really don't reply then I would just move to the next one. At the message wasn't perv though so I give them a handshake for that.

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  • He's been rejected a lot like most guys. So he's either trying to preempt the rejection to protect his own feelings or he's trying to dare you to "prove him wrong." Either way there's probably a ball of additional problems that you'd duscover if you entertained the idea of talking to him. Seems bad but could be entertaining/worth a laugh.

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  • Yeah, it's called a "preemptive strike" to jinx your own failure like that. It's very unattractive and not confidant.

    Honestly he'd probably be better off opening with "sex or nah?" Lol.

    Though I'll never say it's better to say "show bobs and vegana" like every needy dude who doesn't speak English well.

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  • No, I wouldn't. The whole message is a total mess.
    Just message something that you can start a conversation with.

    There is absolutely no use articulating that you consider the person desirable, everyone considers themselves desirable.
    Your goal is to make yourself look desirable, the guy didn't do any of that.

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  • I got those many times and it's meant to be cute but it's not. Usually a reliable indicator he isn't got his shit together and is a loser.

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  • I do hate when guys to that, but besides that... his spelling, grammar and lack of punctuation would have turned me off.

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  • Yeah it's guilt tripping and not worth it. The only thing I ever say is things such as "I'm at work so won't answer as quickly"

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  • Different people will react differently to that
    For some it might just be that statement that makes them reply
    For others it will indeed make them not reply
    I don't think it is something I would put in personally

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  • This makes him look like "a nice guy" in my book. But who knows

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  • I don't understand online dating I've only ever dated people I've met in person probably not a good ice breaker though

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  • Pretty weak message. Dating sites are useless, in my opinion. I like to mess with the most beautiful women on the site in my spare time by playing to their insecurities and commenting vaguely on something being wrong with their photo. Drives them crazy trying to find out. 😈

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    • Why? Because you're pissed they won't date you? I can't imagine why. Lol! I've dealt with man babies like that on those sites. Didn't bother me a bit. It just shows what a soar loser they are. You're more better off fixing your personality defects so a woman won't be turned away. There's a reason they won't date you. You keep doing that stuff you'll never have a chance with any woman. Then one day you'll wonder why you're old and alone. My guess is now you'll look at my pic and make fun of my hair or something. Don't bother. It will not phase me one bit. But I will see you as a man if you take my advise and look into the mirror instead of projecting your disappointment on women who don't want to date you.

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    • It's funny seeing how defensive you get over my comment and assume i fit into some stereotype when you don't know and really shouldn't care.

    • Not offended hun. I just call it as I see it. I'm just giving you a different perspective of how women look at man babies that do what you do. But if you feel that's how you have to impress your buddies then by all means continue. I guess if all else fails you will impress them enough to butter your brisket.😉

  • What confidence he showed by sending the message was negated by his defeatist attitude

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  • Not me personally, but everyone is different. Depends on the person

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  • I personally would not do that. You are correction assuming they are in confident. It also looks like a message that is sent multiple times as someone else had mentioned.

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  • Lack of confidence: definitely
    BUT
    For all women who want to find a SERIOUS relationship... not just writing so on their profile page while being ready to be pumped and dumped by 75 of those guys who are confident enough and experienced enough to play girls, fuck them and not caring the slightest... those men who lack confidence may have a lot to offer in terms of kindness, skill, etc. It's just that they lack knowledge/experience in the seduction department. So I'd encourage serious women to maybe give them a chance on a playing field that doesn't require these guys to know how seduction is done.

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  • No way, don't be a negative Nancy. That's a turn off. If you have no confidence in yourself, why would they have any in you?

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  • To me it sounds like a manipulation tool to make you feel sorry for them. I don't think they should. But they're right. Women get way more choice then men do and reply with a much lower percentage.

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  • No but... in 95% of cases they don't answer indeed :o
    You have to be patient and at the same time vigilant for scammers and catfishes :-(

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  • No that shows a lack of confidence. I say, just go for it and if the person doesn't reply, just try someone else

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  • No cause that's needy and desperate af. I'd rather send a quality message that actually will get a response!

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  • That's what I do when I buy a lotto ticket. "I know you're not going to win but give me chance and..."

    But women aren't lottery tickets and romance isn't a numbers game.

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  • If you're a guy, def not. If you're a girl it could be seen as shy/cute kind of thing, so why not.

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  • He just knows the reality of dating sites. Can't fault him for that.

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  • That whole message is a trainwreck

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  • I suppose those who do are typically just trying to sound more assurable, but ya, it does look to be a very unwise meathod.

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  • Hmmm... I've never thought of ever doing that. I happen to agree, starting an online conversation with negativity sounds like something someone entitled would do, you know expecting your sympathy, time, respect or affection. Without earning any of it, though no real man would want sympathy, or at least I don't wouldn't want it.

    That being said... I'm sure this works on nice girls, they sweat out sympathy. So this guy with low self esteem or entitlement would evoke a reply from a nice girl with would start the conversation off with him in power, cause she not wanting to make him sad and increase her guilt because she doesn't want to date insecure men.

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  • Some guys are not that confident in there looks and they got rejected many times before so they just think it will be like the other times but he still tries desperately it's not appealing to do yea true

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  • Sounds creepy and yeah definitely a copy and pasted message

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  • I agree, we all know its something what happens, but you shouldn't provoke it

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  • A) pretty cringy... yuck
    B) you're** definitely* this person needs a grammar lesson

    I don't think you should say that either. It makes the person look really insecure and undesirable to me

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  • That comes off as really insecure from any stand point. If you wanna self sabotage... Yeah you could write this stuff...

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  • I would defiantly write those words because I think it's hilarious

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  • Why not. I guess 98 % of women in online dating think that it is ok if they simply not reply. On my opinion its totally not ok. Whats wrong in replying that you are not interested? On my opinion it is as long ok as long most of the messages never get a reply. If some one types that, that only shows that the person is activly online dating and made that experience. If you dont just want to be one out of a mix of 9 mio girls inkl. Fake accounts you should reply, even if its a negative answer. For me its allways ok to write sth thats honest. Even if it doesn't follow any conventions.

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  • Kinda seems but desperate maybe. Maybe trying too hard. I feel maybe just a chance no harm but everybody is different

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  • I don't think that people should have to craft their messages so carefully. Dating sites for guys at least, have to make their profile crafted perfectly, images, etc. It's like they can't even be themselves. With girls on dating sites, they can do whatever they want on their profile, and still get 100s of messages.

    I think both people should just focus on having a relaxed conversation through messages, rather than evaluating every sentence to make sure it's crafted right. How can anyone relax in such at uptight atmosphere?

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  • Yes you're absolutely right. Calling you "babe" at this point is premature too.

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  • I always say "I look forward to hearing from you", even though I know I won't lol. And I don't.

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  • I understand where this guy is coming from its a build up of vrustration of a lot of previous girls just not responding so he kinda gave up and said what Wil happen cause it has happend before

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  • I say stay confident, don't ask questions that show your lack of confidence.

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  • you're right, it shows your lack of confidence. Unless you're planning to offend someone or being rude then its different bc you're being sarcastic.

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  • Yeah, that's just desperate and shows lack of confidence/playing for sympathy

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  • That's pretty guilt trip-ish.

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  • To me that's a self-defeating attitude.

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  • No, instant turn off

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  • If someone said that to me I would not reply

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    • Also on here, I chat with lots of people sometimes. So now and then someone will say "I can tell you're not interested in talking to me" or something like that, it's annoying to me because jeez give me a few minutes lol. But I won't talk to them anymore since they are already acting like that.

    • Hey I know you're not gonna reply but
      😂😂

    • @Tohhru lmao 😂😘😘😘

  • Nah, probably not.

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  • Yeah skip that guy. He's too inexperienced.

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