The guy I am dating is losing his job, and has been very distant. Advice?

I recently started seeing a guy again that I used to date. We originally stopped dating because he traveled a lot for work, and was working crazy hours. He came back to me saying he wants another job and wants to stay local so he can settle into a relationship. He has a few more days left until he is jobless, and he has been very very distant. Everything is great the few times that we are together, but then he just goes dark for days, leaving me confused. I understand that I cannot be his priority until he has a job set in stone, and we talked about this, but I feel each week the communication dwindles more. I have been very patient and want him to know I am there for him, but I don't know how much longer I can take if he doesn't try or communicate with me. Any Advice?
Updates:
Well he was able to post on FB him going out with friends. Does this advice still apply? Should I reach out asking what’s happening, or wait?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Just find out what he wants to do. He may not feel at his best so it's going to be hard to give you the best. Let him know you are willing to help him however you can and you are willing to back off if that is what he prefers. If he doesn't give you an answer you are just going to have to step up and help him in a way that is natural for you. Support him based on what your instincts tell you to do. Then let him know look sir this is what having a supportive woman by your side looks. You are a man a great man and you may not have a job lined up but you will get one and it will be ok I'm here for you and not going anywhere.

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    • Him going out with friends and being a good boyfriend to you are different things. I think the advice still applies

    • So we are not official that is why I am wondering how much to give and wait. Thank you for your advice!

    • Ohh ok I thought this was your boyfriend... girl just be his friend and date around. If he wants to have more with you he will let you know.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Losing your job for a man is like losing your nuts.
    It's emasculating.
    Doesn't help women often drop you soon as you lose a job, or at the very least start looking for "other options".
    Best thing you can do is prove you aren't shallow, and willing to tough it out with him. Avoiding the situation is literally the worst thing you can do.

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    • Thank you. What are ways I would be avoiding the situation? I haven’t spoken to him in a few days since he hasn’t answered me so I figured that’s my way of respecting his space, I hope it doesn’t come off as avoidance.

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    • Got it, thank you. Just need to swallow my pride and reach out.

    • Yes you should still reach out. He's probably trying to distract himself from depression.

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What Girls & Guys Said

117
  • if unsuccessful in his attempts, he may be facing a "downhill feeling". men are often advertised as providers, mr. fix it, etc. many men grow up with this belief as if it's their only purpose. loosing his job could look like a bad sign to him and could possibly be distancing himself to prevent the scorning we receive for not being employed. our attractiveness goes down and with that our self esteem could take a hit. not sure if I could help but hope it works out

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  • I can see how he's feeling. If this happened to me, id feel useless, almost like a burden, especially if I liked someone at the time or was in a relationship. I would try to distance myself, because id be scared of dragging you down too. The best solution is to bring up how you feel before you get to the breaking point.

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  • He is probly distant because he might feel as if he is lesser of a man. Sometimes men feel that they need to provide. I would say to give him some time so he can get his thoughts together. Let him try to solve his own life before you jump and give your opinion or advice. Eventually he will be OK with the situation and he will see that you are still there as a strong partner by his side

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  • Its important for you to be loyal for now. Its good that you have been patient soo far. And it would be a gem if you hold it for more. You will get fruits for sure.
    Now this message is vulnerable to what ever situations you both have gone through.

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  • Sounds like you're more serious about the relationship than he is. Are you sure he really wants to get back together, or might he have said things in the heat of the moment?

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  • It depends on whether you are still interested in a relationship with him or not. If you have lost interest, then let him know face to face that it's not working out and move on. That way it'll be less of a stress on him which in turn enables him to get his act together.

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  • His mental state is disturbed like so he needs time. If you want you can tell him you are there to help. He feel embarrassed to even talk to you. Something like a let down because you need to impress when you are dating and something like that just knocks the confidence down.

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    • If you haven't been in contact with him for a while sure. Just say that. Hey, I hope you are doing well. How are you?

    • Will that come off as needy? If he wanted to talk, he could text right?

    • It could but it's your choice. Won't say needy, if you keep texting him all the time then yea. Just shows you aren't in his mind like that's all

  • Maybe he feels less of a man and embarrassed since he doesn't have a job. He probably knows that you care about him but thinks he doesn't deserve you. Self degrading thoughts are a bich.

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  • He thinks you'll judge him for not having a job so is distancing himself from you until he sorts things out. People only want others to see the best parts of themselves.

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  • Her him get a job. You should always trying to make a different with those whom you've chosen to be close to

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  • Maybe he is aware that he is losing his job, and doesn't expect that he won't lose you too.

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    • What do you mean?

    • I was asked to resign from my first job in 2001. It crushed me. I didn't have a girl at the time; and a good job, there, for I would have felt inadequate for her as an unemployed man, and I wouldn't have blamed her or tried to get her to stay with me if she decided to leave.
      A friend of mine once told me that he had had a girlfriend. Then he got into a car accident and was half crippled. She left him not long after that.

  • Find another guy

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  • Fuck that guy go wit me

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  • you should be with him at this situation

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  • Just let him figure things out

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  • I think he is depressed.

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  • Ok this is nothing to do with you. If he just lost his job he is feeling ashamed and emasculated. He could be madly in love with you and still pull away. Just give home space and try to let him know you are not judging him for losing his job.

    This was something I did with a so I didn't really want to be around them without being able to hold my. head up. Just realize guys are raised to be providers so that's where many get their self-esteem from.

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  • Break up with him

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