Why am I apprehensive, afraid and nervous about my possible first time?

I know and im aware it is normal to feel like that, but at my age it is something that should not be happening, I should be more confident about deciding what to do oir not to do and go for it, even if I know if I do it nothing else will happen after that. in the relationship department with this guy, because he is not a stable relationship kind of guy and he at this moment enjoys being single. and I know that as well.

Note: We are not bf/gf and we are not in a relationship either, but he is not total stranger to me, we do know each other since 3 years ago and lets say we treat each other more as casual Friends (we do nto hang out either much as Friends, but since I met him 3 years ago, we had gone on dates twice and at the end we ended up making out on each date, we had seen each other in other occasions but not like dates between him and me, we had ran into each other in other 4 times, in like family social activities and we had spoken in those 4 times but not about us , cause we are not but more about current issues, relatives trips , etc) that even a couple because we are not a couple.

As a male adult (he is 44) this guy is of those guys who are more open how many relationships are today, not get committed, enjoy being single, have Friends, posible hooking up with friends, but not like stick to be in a serious relationships that will develop in the future years for a posible marraige cause I believe he does not want to get married I dont know if a guy liek that is still immature or not.

The thing is Im attracted to him, my first time I have ever ever been attracted to a guy like that but it happened when im 47. As in my past I had never ever dated or even have a boyfriend, I wasted that part of my life in my younger years At this moment in my life I dont want to marry either much less have kids due to my age it is risky to have kids and besides I can't really support kids now and Im not mentally ready to become a mother either now or as more I age.
Updates:

I think that the more I age it tends to get more difficult to find a guy who is still single like me, cause at my age most men are alreayd married with families or divorced with kids. Even if my plans are like this guy no marriage or super serious stuff, I still apprehensive to go for it like Im going to be used and he is not stranger if I decide to go for it. But the guy had already proposed me twice to be sexual intiamte with him and I have him turn him down those 2 times,
So posible he may start to loose interest in me and dont suggest me anymore to go out. But thenwhen I think it throughly some will say well "you have to take risks and you won't knwo until you try" also some had told me If it is not now who knows in a couple of years you will be even able to do it and with whom that I have to take advantage now with someone I kind of know and im still healthy. Not taht take a plunge is so important these days but people view it as any other duty u do each day.

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  • These are normal. The first time is always anxiety and fear.

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