How do I deal with my girlfriend's insecurities?

I've been dating my girlfriend for about a month now and she's recently been displaying some insecurities.

When I first met my girlfriend, she said that she wanted to date a black guy that was smart and wouldn't use her just for sex. She told me that she'd dated a couple of black guys before but they were jerks and the relationships were primarily about sex. I'm a black guy and I'm nothing like her previous boyfriends. She claims to be happy about that but often makes complaints about why I don't shave my armpit hair or why I like certain pictures of her and not others. For instance, the other day she showed me two pictures of her and asked me which one I liked better, one in a bikini and one in yoga pants and a nylon top. I liked the yoga pants one. She got mad and said I should like the bikini one because it showed more skin. I chose the yoga pants one because she looked happier and I didn't like the designs on the bikini.

My girlfriend isn't fat, but she does have some meat on her bones. She has a big butt and some curves, she is an hourglass shape. She's often said that she can't believe she got with a guy like me because of her "size". She even complains about how mixed and black girls body shame her and hate her for dating black guys and she calls them racist. She claims that race doesn't matter and she doesn't see color. But she clearly sees color because she initially told me she wanted a black man and she clearly calls out the blackness of girls she complains about.

Then her dad is racist and has said some disparaging things about black people. I haven't met him. She told me that her dad hates how her sisters date Asian and Hispanic men. She's afraid to tell him about me based on how he's reacted to those relationships. Obviously, if this relationship continues, I'm going to have to face him one day.

Should I break up with her? How can I get her to love herself and accept me? How should I address her not seeing color, black & mixed women comments?


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  • If I were you, first thing I would do, get someplace quiet, hug her, like really tight and just tell her you lovr her, how much she means to you, and all those good stuffs, good luck to you man! Oh and help me ans my Q too on my profile, the long one haha


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