Was I wrong for ghosting this guy?

Yesterday I had a date with a guy I met online. I had never seen the guy again in real life (only in pics- he looked handsome there, very toned but kind of average face).

However, when I arrived at the places we were supposed to meet, I really was surprised.. I didn't expect him to be so handsome (he wasn't very tall but was so muscular and slim, also he had a nice face, definitely one of the most good looking guys you see out there)

Then I remembered him saying that he has very high standards when we were chatting and that most girls look like their pics and had a panic attack. I start sweating, felt a plain on the chest and couldn't breath. I've been told by some people that I'm pretty/kinda cute but my face is not that beautiful, my body is skinny fat and I'm also not tall.

Certainly the guy would reject me.. Fortunately he didn't see me I was there so I vanished into think air with out texting back and unmatched him

Do you think I was wrong? Would you ever date a way more attractive person than you? Isn't this intimidating and painful?

Updates:
* correction: he said that most girls never look like their pics
To all the people say he might not care so more about personality than looks: he wouldn't have been in this app on the first places or say he has high standards or have pics of himself (car etc.) displaying his lifestyle in his profile right?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • No not really, you are just seeing if he's dodgy or not really

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  • I figure ghosting, is just part of the deal, if two people meet on an app, or whatever... easy come, easy go... I used to be furious about the idea of being ghosted, but the more I thought about it, “why do I need that person to tell me what I already know? Why?”
    I think if you met in a meaningful way, that was in person, and things developed, involving other things, that require unraveling, maturity, then “ghosting” is just bad manners. However, Tinder? No, nobody should care regardless of how great the sex was

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Most Helpful Girls

  • You were right to do what you did go get someone better than a douche who would say that

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  • You should at least give him a chance... If you look like your pics you don't have to worry about anything... He already seen you there... Ghosting someone is not the option...
    If try the worst thing happened with you is that you guys just had the one date and didn't talk to each other... But you had the story for life to tell people you went on a date with hottest guy... :)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 94

  • It was wrong, yeah, but the reason behind it wasn't malicious. If he's receptive, call him back and explain why you did it. It will show that you are willing to be honest and try to correct your mistakes. He might give you another shot... a healthy dose of self confidence won't hurt either haha.

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    • I don't have his number unfortunately but it might be better

  • A girl did this to me aswell because she had acne and was afraid I’d reject her. She upset me beyond belief, how dare she assume things and ghost me. You have made a big mistake and lost someone who potentially was interested in you. Game over. You failed.

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    • At least I wasn't rejected

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    • I don't like too much competition/stress.. I actually do see a therapist currently and work on my panic attacks that happen less often now. I also take anti anxiety meds sometime (especially when it's exam time at college). I just didn't expect I would have another one...

    • Alright, based on your reactions to somewhat harsh responses, i think you're genuine and honest and i quite like that quality about you. I wouldn't mind getting to know you, so try to work on your confidence and meet people and you can tell them that you are nervous, they will feel its important to help you so he can see your cute side.

  • I think you were wrong to do it but for a couple of different reasons.

    Whether or not you think that he's out of your league or whatever, it's wrong to stand anyone up point blank. It's strongly considered a dick move in my eyes. It doesn't make you a bad person though.

    You should have still met with him and saw how the date went - that way you'd have known for sure as now there's the question of would he have accepted you for what you are at face value. It's not all about looks, it's about how you are as a person too and had he not liked you as a person to begin with he wouldn't have continued to chat with you unless his intentions were simply just to sleep with you.

    You say he "certainely would have rejected" you but at the end of the day you don't know that for sure and now that you've done that it's probably not going you any favours should you try and reconnect with him. If someone had done that to me I'd have pretty hurt.

    Yeah you were pretty scared to follow through with it but in my eyes you really didn't do the right thing and maybe you should talk to him and just explain? If he does actually like you he'll maybe be understanding but you also need to consider that he may be reluctant to try and meet with again in future.

    As for you being insecure about the situation - I really don't think you should doubt yourself. As I mentioned before if he didn't like you as a person he probably wouldn't have tried to meet you in the first place. Definitely try and apologise and just explain how you felt about it and hopefully he'll understand. I get where you're coming from though because I have that same problem myself and having just had a first date after 2 months of breaking up with my girlfriend of 6 years, my confidence is non existent, but I stepped out of my comfort zone to meet her after talking to her for a few weeks. Maybe you should do the same.

    Best of luck.

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  • What the fuck? Ofc you were wrong to unmatch him like this.
    If you were a man I would have told you to grow some balls... Overcoming your fear of rejection is the only way to date "better looking guys". It's not like he was your friend and you would ruin a friendship or something, he's just a RANDOM guy from a RANDOM app, so just date him and don't give a fuck about what happens. If it works, you win a boyfriend, if it doesn't, move on, next.
    Better live with remorses than regrets.

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    • Love a man who has great work out gear! 😉 Lol 😂 Are those dogs or bunnies?

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    • Grey and white, I'd say she's a mix beween a tiny and a middle size one, and has a strong character.
      But I doubt she's of any use for the current topic 😅

    • Yes, it is. Dump the guy and get a pet! We think a bunny! 👍🏼 And we are back on track!

  • If you used genuine, recent pics and in light of his high standards he's still agreed to meet you, you shoulda just let things happen. If things don't work out then that's just how it is, but if you could've made something of it then you sabotaged yourself. Yeah, I'd say go for it. Worst case, you're right where you are now. But I think begging for another chance is beneath you, you shouldn't do that. Just keep in mind being open and confident in the future.

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  • Maybe u should learn to think of the "what ifs". This helps so many people.
    If u had gone to the date, the worst thing would've been rejection. If not, you might've gotten a boyfriend who cares for you, is handsome, kind, and whatnot.
    Hope this helps. Be optimistic.

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  • Alright, most people in the comments are giving you shit for it, but it wasn’t necessarily wrong what you did, but it was not right either. Ghosting people is generally not okay, in your case you had a mental freakout about it and bailed which i guess is not all that bad.

    Second (my own opinion)- shorter is cuter, being excessively skinny is unattractive. Dont starve yourself but dont let yourself go. Generally people don’t have too high opinions of their own looks, because you do not have an attraction to yourself. You are not your own type.

    Third- on the high standard thing, it sounds like he doesn’t have extremely high standards but is more upset when girls use their pics to make themselves look way more attractive then they are. That sounds bas but let me explain a bit. Im talking about when a girl edits/alters the photo to remove blemishes and whatnot. Just dont outright lie with your pic and you will be fine.

    Restating what i said earlier, you are not your own type, so it is okay to be unsure of how you look. Just be confident, if you find him again explain that you freaked out and got nervous, tbh he might think its cute.

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  • To be completely honest, girls like you piss me off a lot. Like really... a lot. How can you be so selfish? Vanishing out of nowhere and never texting him again or explain to him ANYTHING? The guy ends up so incredibly lost. And feels so bad. And is confused. He will always wonder "what the fuck did i do wrong?" what the fuck happened? And he'l never know why. What if he liked you? What if he wanted more with you? If you wanna chicken out then go ahead... but at least send the person a text explaining why you chickened out before you do all this. Gosh... so selfish.

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    • I didn't do it intentionally, I just felt really inferior. I didn't have his number though

      Besides I couldn't have told him the truth

  • I understand you were nervous but I bet this guy was looking forward to this date with you. I don't know if you do have self-esteem issues but a lot of people in relationships say "what did I do to deserve you in my life?". There's no such thing as someone being out of your league. He wanted to meet you and that's super awesome! He saw your photos, talked to you, and thought you were interesting and attractive enough to meet! 😊 Be proud of that! If he turns out more handsome in person then in real life then even better! Always go for it because if you don't, you'll be asking yourself these things you are now. It's better to try and fail then to not try at all. Plus you don't even know if you would fail! It could've worked out great! Believe me, I know it's intimidating. I was once involved with a model who had hundred of thousands of followers on all her social media. It didn't work out but at the end of it, I took it as a compliment lol just thinking "holy shit... this beautiful successful model actually considered me as a potential boyfriend" 😂 I don't know the point is that don't ever let you being nervous ever stop you from something you might not ever get a chance to do again! You'll always be happy you took the plunge 😊 plus I've been ghosted 2-3 times now and it really sucks being on the other end :/ One minute everything seems like it's going great, then all of a sudden you don't hear from them again. Then the person is just left there wondering "what went wrong" or "what could've been". Everyone always deserves an answer. It's not fair to the other person

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  • You will always cause problems if you constantly judge who is more attractive in a relationship. It doesn't matter if it's the guy or girl,... spend enough time with eachother and looks don't mean very much, you "get used to eachother" the personality "click" is eons more important, you need to get past your hang ups first

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  • You're the scum of the earth.
    You don't even deserve a date with that attitude.

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    • sorry that's rude

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    • The best thing you can do when you have panic attacks is to question yourself, question all the thoughts to they becomes silly for you.

      Second, be straight forward with him about it and what is going on, even if it is through text the first time instead of trying to find faults in him to flee to justify the fleeing, the more you justify your anxiety thoughts the more it will grow.
      You must go against the anxiety is trying to make you avoid to create new positive experiences.
      Thought and feelings cand harm you no matter how much you think it can!

    • Wow, you have a million excuses! Contact him through whatever way you were up to that point.

  • Yes. The guy deserves a reason. You didn't think how hurt HE would be for what you just did? Empathy is lacking in dating anymore.

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    • He'll deffo get over it

  • I understand you being nervous but if the guy wanted to date YOU you should take it as a confidence booster because obviously he thinks you're pretty enough to invite.
    Try it again and probably just be honest with what happened before. He'll probably laugh about it and you guys can get on with the real date.

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  • Ghosting someone you're texting is one thing, bailing out moments before the date when the other person has spent the time and effort to get ready for the date, organise it, and dress up nice is another. So he probably sat around waiting for you for like half an hour until he realised what happened.

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  • Looks are in the eye of the beholder, you have insecurities (we all do) and it stopped you. Yes it was wrong in that you have to get over that. How do you know he wouldn't have found and thought you were gorgeous? Just because other guys haven't said it, doesn't mean he wouldn't have thought so. But what's done is done now, you can't "go back". But keep it in mind for the future. Just ignore your insecurities and meet them!

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  • Most girls ghost good boys and keep the bad guys, also pour era made people lazy as never before so many don't really have much to offer in a relationship sadly, the container may be nice but it's worthless without content.

    That's why I have a fuckfriend for a year and don't want a girlfriend for now, love is evolving together, if she has nothing to give, why ne with her?

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  • Yeah that was wrong. You didn't give him a chance, wasted his time and money, and left him without an explanation. You might be what he's into. I usually am the less attractive one in my relationships and in a quiet guy. Give him a chance and use that he showed up as a confidence booster

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  • Excuse me for being sincere, you got wrong two times, when you didn't enter and when you dated him.

    He told you before that he had high standards so you knew it before dating, go in and stand what it comes after all, it may be that he likes something which needs from you and pass the trial.
    Second time is when he said to you he has high standard. Its a turn on/off (always) depends of the people. If to you its a turn on, you must be ready to pass the superficial test.

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  • Usually I would have answered yes. You were wrong.
    But giving a little bit of a bad moment to someone who obviously has it so easy that they even call themselves as having high standards... it may even out the playing field a little.

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    • I didn't intentionally do this but obviously I couldn't face rejection; I felt really bad/inferior to him

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    • Well not creepy to me, since there is no other way to contact him. You still assume things, by saying he is not affected by it. He is human you know. I won't try to convince you anymore, it is your choice after all. But please think of what I told you in general. It will help you in life.

    • I concur with Stella.
      Also... worst that can happen? He blocks you. Big deal! But he might listen to you. Don't give up until it's over! And it's not over yet!

  • I make it clear if people wanna put themselves out their saying they ate gonna judge how you look before meeting you and such I just dont get involved, but that's me, and I would also let them know that rather than ghosting, if something made me uncomfortable I would speak up and tell them why I might have done something

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    • So far I think is the best answer I've seen, and think it should be in the running for best answer.

    • I forgot to mention. It's still not too late to implement the last portion of this advice.

  • Well you're a jerk for standing him up like that so he really dodged a bullet with you. Next time don't let your own insecurities turn you into the lesser person.

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  • I'd say you should have stuck it out, saying most people don't look like their pics doesn't mean its bad, its human nature to show off your best side. Everyone does it, can never be sure if he'll reject you if you never meet him. Odds are you find out after the date.

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  • Should have at least tried to make it work. Even if your not the best looking something pushed him to want to meet you. If he has high standards though it might mean he is not worth it anyways. Also I would date someone prettier then me because I am not best looking dude and I have low self esteem so I generally feel most girls are prettier anyways

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  • You are a really insecure person, for starters. I think you saved that guy a lot of trouble dealing with a really pessimistic, negative and insecure person with an ugly personality. He probably landed dating a beautiful woman, both physically and emotionally.

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  • I think it can be very intimidating to be dating someone out of your league but every person no matter how high their standards has something that gets them. Something they find super attractive. Maybe he thought that way about you, if you think he really liked you, go for it.

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  • You were wrong, but it was your choice to make.
    I suggest that you read a book called The Instant Millionaire, by Mark Fisher.
    The book is about how the choices that we make are dictated by our self esteem.

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  • 100% you should NOT have done that. People take the time to do these things, and you owe it to them (both guys and girls, everyone) to at least give them a chance. If it doesn't work out, oh well, no harm no foul, just SAY SO, and move on

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    • Not to mention, he DID agree to go out with you in the first place lol

  • That's really pathetic honestly, just suck it up, you made the date. Perhaps you feel insecure about your looks. Suck it up and go with the flow. You should write that guy an apology right now telling him the truth

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    • I can't. I unmatched him. Gone forever...

    • can't you find him again? And who unmatched who? He probably thinks that you saw him and you didn't like his looks and you split so now his feelings are really hurt bad

    • Yeah, maybe he thought you're avoiding him because of his height, or because you presume he's arrogant or superficial.

  • There is no situation where ghosting is correct unless your In an abusive relationship.

    But you didn't even do that you stood him up, that's cold and unfair even if I understand the reason behind it.

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  • That was a real deush move of you... He didn't even have a chance to have an opinion. IV been stood up enough to know what that's like

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What Girls Said 32

  • Yes, you were wrong. Ghosting someone is very immature and unkind. But on another note, you shouldn't care what others have to say about you. Your opinion about yourself is the one that matters. You should see yourself as beautiful because everyone is in their own way.

    You should try to overcome your insecurity first so that you don't end up commuting the same mistake again

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    • I know. I guess it's just a kind of defense mechanism for potential rejection

    • Don't beat yourself up over it. Just work on growing and getting better

  • Well.. I think you should have just went on the date, he was willing to meet you should have given him the chance.

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    • Yes but I had a panic attack, I felt really inferior

    • Sometimes you just got to put on your big girl pants and tell yourself you deserve it, who says you can't date someone extremely good looking (to you).

  • Never assume anything. People think differently, that's what I've learnt. You may also look attractive to some and not attractive to others. Your opinion of yourself shouldn't be affected by people's opinions. I understand the panic attack issue too. Something that makes you anxious, may look ridiculous to others. Nevertheless, your behavior was inappropriate. Apologize and let the thing flow. You only win by being brave and dealing with your fears.

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  • Your lack of self-esteem is the reason you disappeared. But it's a shame that you did that, because he may have actually liked you in person. You didn't give him a chance, or give yourself a chance. I don't think you're a bad person for ghosting him, because you didn't do it to intentionally hurt him. Fear caused you to do a disappearing act because you didn't feel good enough for him.

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  • Wel he does deserve someone who wouldn't be intimidated by him and ditch him wasn't cool however i understand rejection u were jus scared oh wel find someone ur more compatible with and comfortable with but hey u may have jus lost out on a great guy. u shouldn't treat people that way it hurts and makes people confused and hurt and if u do it in the future please tel him why so he doesn't have 2 feel bad and u dnt its only fair

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  • I find it a bit sad how you keep discribing how he looked and how his pictures looked... first of all he knows how you look doesn't he? So you already past the look test... secondly you shouldn't be asking :"would he date a girl who looks like me?' maybe you should think 'would he date a girl who judge everyone based on looks and then ghosts a guy who she arranged a date with.

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  • I think you need to work on your own confidence and anxiety issues before you think about dating I don't think you did anything to be rude but he obviously did want to meet you and made the effort if the situation were reversed it would really knock your confidence and you would be hurt I know you didn't do it to be deliberately rude but a lot of people don't understand quite how crippling anxiety can be try to work on yourself please

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  • Kinda wrong because I understand you feeling scared and insecure about it but it was rude and maybe even immature. You should have met him or at least text him explaining some kind of made up emergency and that you couldn't make it, not just leave the poor guy there to rot

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  • well that wasn't very nice but I understand that you got nervous about his expectations. I dated guys who are so attractive than me. let me tell you, it's not the looks, it how u carry a conversation. looks is only for first impression.

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    • But maybe he was a person that cares about looks more. Otherwise why would he say that he has "very high standards" and that some girls don't look like their pics

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    • I can't. When you unmatch someone it's bye 4vr. Besides if he didn't care about looks and cares about personality he would already have a girlfriend

    • oh so u haven't exchanged numbers yet... yah just let it go...

      well we can't judge him just because of his bio and status.. could be yes could be no.. we will only find out IF you two actually met.

      but things happen so brush it off. u won't be seeing him again anyway..

  • I met a guy who was way more gorgeous than his online profile. He turned out to be hotter than me. And he just lit up when he saw me. He saw me standing on the sidewalk and he called my name. I'm not sure how he recognized me. I just recognized his blonde hair. He couldn't stop smiling and he was visibly nervous. But being the sleuth that I am, I googled him a some point after the date because he most definitely was not the guy in the pic. I couldn't understand why he'd catfish me and turn out to be hotter. So the google results showed me that he was married. And while I was upset (I broke things off, admitted that I knew he lied, and got him to delete his profile) it was admittedly a confidence boost. We had talked for a few weeks before we met and I eventually found out the truth and he admitted that he wish he met me first because our chemistry was there 100%. Too bad it wasn't meant to be.

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    • what a coincidence.. The guy I was supposed to meet also was blonde

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    • Yea I googled him lately and it turns out he was some sort of player (or f*boy).. He had lots of girls followers in instagram and Facebook and I Wonder how does he know all of them? So I'm sorry I'm not interested in being one more number

    • Anyway thanks for the wishes and advice 😊

  • I think you’re beautiful even tho I’ve never seen you and also I think that you should have stayed, if he shouted up he prob was interested. Maybe you should reconnect

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  • I think have more time to know each other before meet up in real life would helpful, like make some calls and Video call would helpful..

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  • I think you should have just risked it. You guys could vibed hard and even though looks and attraction are important in relationships there has to be more.

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  • You're an idiot. Guys have a different perception of beauty than girls.

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  • You should have at least gone to the date, how can you decide his feelings for him?

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  • You definitely bitched out and should have followed through.

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  • Yes ghosting is wrong but i can relate to your feelings, you let your thoughts and insecurities get the best of you. For all you know he could have really like you, but you'll never know now. But i have said no to a guy a long time ago simple cause i was scared that he might not like me and think my personality was bland and boring.

    I'm also extremely shy and not a good conversationalist either. You just have to push pass those worries and go for it, if that person says no then they are not not meant for you.

    It just means someone else is and that you will find them eventually. I think you should at least apologize to him for standing him up, and tell him why you didn't come and say that you are sorry.

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    • mm he said he had high standards, I wonder if this could be an eye opener to him.. making him feel that he wasn't someone standard either. This probably could made him reevaluate his standards.. I don't know it's just a thought. Anyway, if you can still find him online please do apologize.

  • I feel you got it wrong. He has high standards but choose to meet you. It means that you are good quality to him that he decided to meet you. You got insecure that you ghosted him.

    Did he try to reach you after the date? If he did try texting him saying the you got insecure after what he said but you like him and want to try it one more time.

    I think he will appreciate the honesty and may go for a second date if interested.

    Have more confidence in yourself. He saw something that he liked or wouldn't asked you out.

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    • I don't have his number anyway so nevermind

  • Your reason was wrong. You should've chanced it. May be his type... You may get a lay out of the whole superficial exchange lol

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  • Maybe he's one of those that look better in real life than in pictures. Unless you were lying in your pictures, there shouldn't be much problems.

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  • People already are being really tough on you here. I won't say what you already know.

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  • If he doesn't like you for who you are he isn't worth it. don't put yourself down and don't change for anyone you are perfect the way you are.

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  • You seem insecure. I think you should of stayed and met him. All these scenarios going through your head scared you out of a possibility fun opportunity. No, some girls never do look like their pics but I think your issues stem from your insecurity. Fuck what other people say.. you need to feel comfortable in your own skin and love yourself before you go out into the world of dating. Guys like confidence. . and for whatever reason they can sense when you don't have it.. and for some that's a turn off right there. Love yourself! Own your beauty!💋

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  • U should have had a date and u would be happy that at least u dated a hot guy

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  • That's really rude to be honest

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  • Wrong but not bad. My heart aches for you both

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  • 😂😂😂😂😂😂

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  • Yes u dumny!

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  • You are so rude. Poor guy.

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  • Definitely rude and low. You should've at least explained yourself. How would you feel if someone did the same to you? But yeah you'll get over it easily, just a couple of swipes.
    Just because you were feeling insecure, doesn't mean you have to act like a pleb.

    Although I think maybe it's for the better. You should see your partner as an equal.

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    • As harsh as this criticism is, I think it's spot on for the most part. I'm not saying the opinion owner should sugar coat it for you, but they could have eased up on the bhut jolokia. 🌶️🔥

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    • Nothing ventured nothing gained.

    • @Defboy69 and nothing lost

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