Would you break up with someone if they were "Micro-Cheating" on you?

Micro-Cheating is a term used for people who seek attention outside of their relationship and keep it secret from their partner. Examples of this could be secretly talking to an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, flirting as if you are still single even though no sex is involved and saving someone under a fake name in your phone or lying about the status of your relationship to others.
Would you break up with someone if they were
  • YES
    Vote A
  • NO
    Vote B
  • YES Cheating is cheating
    Vote C
  • NO Everybody has secrets
    Vote D
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Most Helpful Girl

  • If your truly happy in your relationship there's no reason to hide these things. My hubby has a VERY flirtatious personality and I'm fine with that. He has lots of female contacts from his past on Facebook, most I've never meet. Could be his exs, I don't know or care. Also in his phone contacts. This is where trust comes in.
    What he doesn't do is spend time texting other women or hiding numbers under false names. If he's spending that time connecting with someone else over you, there's a problem somewhere.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Everyone has 'friends' of various types from before the one they are with now. I keep in contact with many past 'casual partners' or friends with benefits, and they were a significant part of my life, before.
    Now that I am with another, should I just forget those, and ignore them, because she is unsure? If she is unsure, and cannot accept my honest statement that they were past, and she is now, then she goes to past!
    What idiot imagines that a person will cut all ties with past relations, when they ended well, as friends, and were friends in the relationship?
    Those preceded her, and who is she, that I should just forget them?
    It's not like there is anything physical, and they are in new relations with others, as well. If she is SOOOO insecure, that I maintain FRIENDLY email connections with past friends, then she isn't the one for me.

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    • Good points there chief!

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    • Mr. Heath was a the assistant VP of my elementary and he was also the history teacher. He hung a paddle on the wall that had holes in it. If you got out of line you could write 250 times what you did wrong or opt for the swat. If you got a swat your parents would be contacted.. and back then you would get another swat at home. Now.. the parents are at the schools defending their child's behavior no matter how poor it is... oh how times have changed!

    • I will NEVER condone ABUSING children, but when did a correctional 'Spanking' become so wrong? Not for anything, obviously, but my cousin used spanking, with his daughter, but only when she did things that could seriously hurt her, or kill her, not knowing.
      After it, he would hold her and tell her that it wasn't that she was bad, but that she did things that could hurt her. She never did any of those things ever again, after that!
      Children cannot understand a lot of things, and rationalize cause and effect. Studies have shown that, and it is well-documented.
      Dr. Spock (not the Star Trek guy) wrote a book about it in the 1970's about family dynamics and a more permissive, and affectionate approach (i. e. NO SPANKING). He later reconsidered, and maybe questioned his book, seeing the results on our generation.

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What Girls Said 59

  • Maybe not, it would depend on many factors for me, IF we were meant to be very happy and everything seemed perfect yes, i wouldn't even know who they were, but i know people can stray if you aren't keeping your partner happy so to me it depends on how things were with us, more than likely i'd break up with them but the details of everything counts for me.

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    • Life is too short to be masterbating

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    • Let me just this of a man get with a women and sees other that he feels like there could be something there.. well why would u get with a women just t get with other women that makes no since at all.. if I was going out with a women that I was with I'm staying with her no mader how gorgeous the other women is I'm with one women I'm staying with her Becouse she's deserved a real man that will do right by her no mader what that's just how I feel bout it all.. if ur with one women stay with her as long ya treat each other right respect love care for each other that's all it maders

    • And a real man will never do nothing t hurt is women he will respect her be honest faithful trueful no mader t her thst way ya both know things will be great with ya.. becouse ya know in ya heart that each other will be there t give what he saids

  • Micro-cheating. What the is that. Even if you’re a “little cheating” you’re still cheating. So yes... if my attention isn’t good enough for him that he feels he needs to seek it from others then, he’s more than welcomed to go have all of their attention and anyone else’s. I know sharing is caring but I do not share my men. End of discussion.

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  • I'd end it. It's still a betrayal. I couldn't be with a sneaky, deceitful guy. He would obviously have ulterior motives , or he wouldn't lie and be so deceitful. That type of behaviour is crossing relationship boundaries. And it would show lack of respect for me.

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  • Of course. If I couldn’t trust them there’s zero point. That would only be extra negative drama I could definitely do without. Move on. Find better. Job done.

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  • Would I break up with them, it honestly depends on how long has this been going on and what is it that you specifically are seeking that I am not being able to provide for you. If you don't tell me I don't know, but if you tell me and we work on it and its still not working then its not worth putting in time and effort. When its not going anywhere for the both of us.

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  • I think I would want to find out what their reasoning is, and if it’s something that can be fixed (they’re not receiving enough affection, emotional distance, etc.) then I’ll ask that we work on it. If it’s a selfish reason or one that can’t be solved, then I’ll break up. But no, I wouldn’t break up with someone JUST because they are micro-cheating

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    • That's true I would set them down talk t them ask them what am I'm doing wrong thst this other person is doing right

  • Flirting is flirting. Some people are natural born flirts and can't seem to help themselves lol. I don't really mind that. Where it becomes an issues is when it's not natural anymore. When you're actively looking for attention from someone else. When you feel the need to start hiding things and/or lying about things, that's where my problem comes in. Once I feel like I can't trust you, it's pretty much downhill from there.

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  • Not initially. We'd have a discussion about it though. Maybe I'm misunderstanding and we clear it up. Maybe you shore up a line he crossed. If it's acceptable behavior he shouldn't be trying to hide it. We'd figure it out and go from there.

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  • There is no micro cheating in my book. Cheating is cheating. If he flirts with other girls that will break my heart. That will hurt our relationship. End of the story. Because I do not flirt other guys. And what is the line? This is micro that is macro.. Can you really differentiate? I do not think we are human beings capable of it. Relationships have secret rules. You are either in there or out. That is it.

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  • It is deliberate deception, which is cheating in anyone's book! If you need to keep it secret, then you are deliberately hiding something from your SO. What would YOU do if it was done to you? I bet you would not be too happy!

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    • Probably why you do it first? :)
      lol... just kidding. when i had my Karmic slap in 2012... yeesh.. i understood how that felt..
      now i just find other ways to hurt people's feelings.. the evil goes on.

  • Yep, I would. I wouldn't feel desired by my partner anymore.

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  • IF he ever lies about our relationship then boy bye. But if he didn't but somehow ended up flirting with some girl or somehow started to devlop feelings for a girl that was just his friend but he was mature enough and loved me enough to put an end to it before it got worse and chooses me then no I will not break up with him for that. Sometimes things can happen, I have seen it. But I know temptation can be evil at times. But if a person actually lies about being single then that's just them already choosing to potentially cheat, they have opened the door.

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  • Hmm so every guy who was in relationship but spoke to me as a friend was microcheating? Gotcha. I jokingly flirt with my girl friends and we're all straight, so I don't see why friends of the opposite sex can't have a joking silly friendship like that too. As long as they don't want to be with them more than they want me, I could care less if my guy was talking to anyone and I would not need to know. My boyfriend had a personal life outside of me too and he knew he could share whatever he wanted with me and when he tried I usually didn't care. As long as he's no physical with anyone else and if he felt different about me based on his friendships, then he'd just have to be honest so we could stop wasting each other's time. That's all I ask.

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  • I said no, but I would be very upset and definitely have to speak to him and make sure he understands it isn't ok

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  • I'm not letting all my friends know that I'm taken. It's not micro cheating.

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    • Oh no... but what about your friends? Won't they be pissed at you?

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    • And no. I decided not to make any sort of announcement unless we are engaged in future hopefully ❤

    • Well I agree 100% with you on that!

  • I wouldn't put up with that shit no, I'd let them go to be single and do their thing.

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  • Micro cheating? For real? Come on.. women micro cheat more. Men CHEAT for real

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  • Depends on the level. I'm OK with slight flirting but there is no reason to swap numbers etc.

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  • Well my husband has done this many of times throughout our relationship and I've stayed with him because at the end of the day he didn't actually sleep with someone else and i do feel bad for him not getting a lot of socialization but i will say each time he lied it broke my heart and tore me down, I've faced my fare share of hardship throughout my life but these times I've discovered it have truly been the worst lowest times in my life but these times have also made our relationship stronger after working through them

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  • Should you notify a person in a relationship that their partner is mcro-cheating with you?

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What Guys Said 109

  • If I have a partner who believes that it is okay to engage in behavior that must be hidden from me, then I have a partner who I cannot trust. If I have no trust, I have - at best - a relationship that is doomed.

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  • Depends on the entire set of circumstances. At a minimum, I would tell her she needs to knock it off. At worst, I would break up with her. I'd also want to know why she was doing it to see if I/we needed to do some things differently. If I am not making her happy, I want her to tell me, whatever the reason.

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  • Wtf micro cheating?
    Cheating is cheating.
    I wouldn't call talking to you ex cheating, but it's still incredibly disrespectful.

    We don't have to invent words, just to make things sound bad.

    What you described as "micro" cheating, isn't exactly cheating, but it's bad enough for someone to be pretty pissed if they found out.
    It's still a relationship killer.

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  • Yes because if the affection you're giving them just isn't enough for them, what's the point? There is a difference between uploading a nice selfie of yourself on Instagram for a little attention and freaking talking to an ex to feel wanted by more people lol

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  • What the heck is microcheating? This sounds like a thing invented by thought-police SJW control-freaks in order to crybully and get offended about. No wonder I only repeatedly sleep with girls whom aren’t possessive, demanding of fidelity or full of low self-esteem drama. Open relationships and non-exclusivity FTW. Leave the crocodile waterworks manipulation over nothing on the curb.

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  • Emotional cheating is cheating. I almost think its worse in some cases cause your giving more to someone else instead of focusing on the relationship you have. So then they real can't complain its not working cause they are giving their emotions to another instead of to their relationship. So absolutely its cheating.

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  • Hell yeah. Homeboy dont okay. Im either 0 or 100. I dont commit easily so when i do its the long haul. And dont fuck up.
    I recover quick from old relationships.
    If you wanna flirt, two can play that game.

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  • Yes I would. If they're "micro-cheating" then they're clearly not that happy with me for some reason and they're on their way to actually cheating - I'm not gonna wait around and see whether or not they actually do.

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  • Lying about it would be a no. I couldn't trust they weren't hiding more. My current girlfriend is open about flirting with other guys though, which I'm okay with as long as it doesn't go further than that.

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  • I think all of that ‘micro cheating’ is just common human behaviour that can’t really be contained...

    It’s not really cheating it’s just a desire to be you as an individual —> which is a problem because couples and marriages tend to make you sacrifice your individuality for it

    —> for instance I see so many married couples that don’t allow their partners to have any or very minimal contact with the opposite sex... I think that’s very wrong and will lead to what we now call ‘micro cheating’

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  • I would give her one warning, and only if it was clear that...
    a) her intentions were only to get attention from random strangers that she somehow felt was lacking in our relationship, but wasn't specifically aiming to get involved with one person in particular
    b) she expressed remorse

    If not, I would dump her immediately. Even if so, I would dump her the second time it happened.

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  • is no one allowed to have a life anymore? it's like your every move is being stalked on by your girlfriend or boyfriend. I am pre-warned by girls not to stalk, why should girls be allowed to stalk. I think there is something very wrong with your relationship if you can't trust your guy.

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  • Hiding something like that is a bad sign. It would definitely be something I would talk to my SO about. Relationships are about trust (from both sides). If you are being the kind of person that he/she can come to, your SO needs to trust you with the truth. Otherwise the relationship might not be worth the heartache down the road

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  • That's still 100% cheating. It sounds worse, because they are putting in a lot of effort for small "rewards", and apparently they don't care too much for the attention they are already receiving. If they are not satisfied, they should communicate. It would be hard to trust that person, and no trust = no love = no solid foundation.

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  • People in relationships should only be looking for attention from their partner. They are the only one that matters.

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  • No... I wouldn't be okay with it but I'd give my partner the chance to repent before I decided it was over.

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  • I don't want to say definitively yes, because there are always extenuating circumstances. I would first confront my SO and find out if they're feeling neglected and/or unappreciated. If they tell me that everything is fine, I'll give them an ultimatum. Commit yourself to this relationship and drop all other contact, or go find yourself another SO.

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  • Shame on me 1: for getting involved with such an attention whore to begin with, 2: for being surprised that she did that, but mostly 3: shame on her and she needs to get her ass kicked (by another girl of course)

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  • I don't think I would, depending on which of the examples they did, and why they did it.
    Sometimes it's just getting stuff out of your system, other times it's a sign of disloyalty.

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  • It would never get to what you call micro-cheating, and I have a "I don't care what is on your phone" policy.

    I don't use or save fake names, it's totally okay to get another girl's number even if you are in a relationship. It could be networking purposes, friendship, or other things that don't involve possibly cheating.

    Sometimes the attention is given the other way. You may be out alone at a restaurant or a bar. You might meet someone in your field of work or interest. That's okay, you are allowed to have a life and friends outside of a relationship. Platonic friends of the opposite gender do exist.

    Cheating is what you define in your own relationship. Is it flirting, kiss, or, sex? A phone number itself isn't micro-cheating in that sense.

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    • You are right.. I am directing the question to INTENT.. THE INTENT is mischievous.. it's not a whirlwind fluke that it's some networking buddy or some friendship... The question is... a phone number disguised under the local pizza joint that isn't a local pizza joint.. it's a dude with a 9 inch penis... is that an issue?

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