What to do when the person you're dating begins to change?

I have been seeing a guy for a few months --at the beginning he was so kind and attentive and now... my feelings get hurt every time we talk----he criticized that I spoke too long about my work project over the phone, complained about paying for dinner (although I offered to pay for it), isn't excited to see me :/

he just started a stressful job so I think he is more tense than usual
I really enjoyed things when we first started out... but now I'm not sure... I tell him when he has really hurt me, but i'ts almost too frequent now

Girls, am I being too sensitive---will every guy say stuff that we have to just 'brush off'?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes every guy will say something you just brush off just like we have to do with something girls may say BUT it shouldn't be frequent. We make mistakes and say things we don't mean sometimes but it shouldn't be all the time. I know a job can be stressful sure, but what's the point of it if he's just going to be taking out frustrations after work on what or who he cares about? Talk to him and tell him you want a change. You deserve better than that but you're willing to give him the chance to show he can do that like he did in the past.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Here's someone with experience to tell you.
    People don't "change" over time. They REVEAL who they really were all the way along.

    It has nothing to do with stress of his, because he's just drawing attention on him again.
    To me it sounds like a huge red flag for a narcissism. Please save yourself possible (further?) emotional abuse and go check right away a video on you tube called something like "test if you date narcissist" or maybe its named " test yourself if you are narcissist", by Melania Tonia Evans. You will be doing there test for both of you. If he turns out to be narcissist run as fast as you can from that relationship before he emotionally conditions you into belief that you are tje one thats irrational and oversensitive and thus fu*** up your mind.

    You are not oversensitive. Red flag.

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What Guys Said 16

  • You’ve got to have the courage to tell him he’s bringing two of the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse.
    Dude maybe depressed or an insecure loser who’s just negative, bitchy and whiny. Tell him you are tired of negative emotional baggage.

    tl;dr: You may want to dump this loser. Find someone whom makes you happy, not someone whom makes you feel like an inconvenience or a burden.

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  • People start to takes things for granted...
    Firstly peep onto urself n notice if there r any changes within u.
    If there r then change urself first if nothing at all then go ahead n ask him what does he expect from u n this relationship. .. Once clear go ahead or quit..
    All d best

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  • In the first several months while dating people put their best self first and after the "honeymoon stage" or when they get comfortable their true self shows. Honestly I'd dump the loser, cause he sounds like a class a retard!

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  • That's a big red flag. You might try and talk to him, but I'd be surprised to see him still changed after a week... to leave him is my advice, considering

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  • Be yourself. If it didn't work out, then you know. Better now then to get yourself hurt really bat later. Deeper roots, harder to let go. Then you will doubt yourself about you. You will wonder what you did wrong. Belief me they will not tell you why. Most of the time it's them that have the problem.

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  • What you are seeing is the truth in all relationships people expect that their "single issues" go away when they enter into a relationship/marriage. But the reality is that your single issues become exposed and picked through because you know have someone by your side examining your life from up close.

    These are probably part of who he is and they have finally made their way into the light.

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  • He may just he going through something (Such as the job that you pointed out), or he could just finally be revealing the real him. I would suggest leaving him yet, but keep an eye out for reasons as to why he'd abruptly act like this

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  • Don't make excuses did him. He worked really hard to be nice but now that act is wearing of and you are finally meeting him for real.

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  • It's depends on how important this person is in your life. If this person is important than your happiness in life, then you need more patience. If it's the other way around, then you possibly know what to do.

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  • There might be many factors for this behavior of the boy. It's quite natural at some point in any relationship but it's a thing to worry if the boy is feeling like you are not giving what he is expecting

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  • Don't let him feet that you can't not live without him... let him know you can live a happy life with him or without him... you are queen no body can hurt you

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  • My patience and language has changed since I started a demanding role at work.
    Be understanding but protect yourself emotionally.

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  • Get out of there before it's too late... (Voice of experience)

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  • We think we deserve evrything in dis world, wic is becomin a huge problem. we dont c those countries wer people pass away daily for basic needs n here we cryin about silly stuffs.
    Love and faith is like a flag the more u blow the more it flies , both of u need to understand that. Nxt tym pay for the food anyways so he does not think he owns u or tak u for granted. And on your side lsn to him , try to understand what he is really tryin to express. Stop ur stories or keep a balance. It wil tak time buh it will heal if his love fr u is genuine n urs too.
    Olways tak advise frm a neutral person not ur friends.

    Im dealin wid dis same problem cz of my own mistakes. n im tryin to do ma best

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  • Change urself too. In a relationship things and situation changes but not u

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  • Leave

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What Girls Said 12

  • If it's just been a few months and he's "changed" just know for sure he's been like this all the way. He's just pretended to be someone else (a nice guy) until you develop feelings for him. It's a typical player move.

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    • thanks--I appreciate the help!

    • Men are such trash. This is all too common. Girl leave him!!! Please. Do it before he does. Don’t accept his behavior. He’ll think it’s okay if you stay. They all do this. Better to be single and wait then deal with that. Or just use him for what’s he’s good for. (Sex)

  • People do not usually change, they start to show their true colours. Maybe they were making a super human effort to be nicer or impress you and the mask is slipping as they do it less and less and become their normal selves. People should be able to say what they think when the relationship is established. Take note of what he says, do not hide behind the excuse that he is stressed because of his job, he meant what he said.

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  • No, they won’t. In my opinion this is just how he is.

    Ask yourself, do you really want to be with someone where mild stress makes them turn into someone unrecognizable?

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  • One thing is for sure... Every guy changes and they give excuses for their behavior but just think isn't our own life stressful and do we remove our on them.
    U deserve to be treated the way he used to and if he can't treat u the same u should not be with him coz this guy is not the guy u liked/ fell for

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  • Red flag. That happen me in the past. mixed signal. he end up cheating and I broke up with him. Move on. he did force me to stay in a relationship when I was growing out of the relationship in the past.

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  • He is I’m assuming starting to get bored of the old him

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  • change the things the he is complaining about. if he still doing the same thing, leave him.

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  • Makes me think he didn't change, but the mask is starting to fall off.

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  • Give him space

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  • You guys had sex?

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    • nope -hes the one that wants to take things slow (he is a bit older than me)

  • Girl, that sounds like a bit of a red flag

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  • Find someone else

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