Why would a guy I’ve been with for 5 years not propose to me yet?

We’re both financially stable and we spoke about the future together. I just want to know what’s the long wait for?

1|0
2976

Most Helpful Guy

  • Because he is smart? Maybe he knows that real and sustainable love has nothing to do with being married. And that being married almost always ends up really bad for men (it's still mostly the men who lose their money and have to pay for a very long time or their whole life for their ex-wifes. And even far worse: almost always the women gets custody for the children and the children taken from the men - this is really really horrible). And by statistics he knows that this marriage is highly probable to be divorced (and 70-80% of break-ups and divorces are initiated by females). So, boys, do not ever marry! It's a horrible deal for men and a really dangerous situation you put yourself in (in all other areas of life you would be classified insane to agree to such a destructive deal).

    0|4
    0|0
    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • And don't lie to yourself that you are the only Disney Princess and Princess couple in the world, which will never divorce 🤣🤣🤣 Statistics show it differently: divorce will come, initiated by your wife and hitting your whole life situation and family like a nuke.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Why do you assume he has to propose or want to live with you? Lots of men and women are happy NOT to move in together or get married. Nowadays there are just as many, if not more, who prefer that. IF you are both financially stable you do not need someone to pay your bills for you, and it would not be very nice for someone to want to be with someone just for finances. Either he is the right guy or he is not, if he is then seeing him a lot without living together should be fine unless you were both planning to have children and live together as a family unit. That piece of paper you get when you marry does not mean much. I know lots of men who get married (or even engaged) and then carry on trying to date or sleep with other women. It rarely changes the way they see things or the way they behave. And there is just as much chance or more that they want to end the relationship or cheat later, it is no guarantee they belong to you or it will be forever. If they are not keen to marry and get nagged into it or do it to please you then the marriage starts off with a bad taste and goes downhill from there, much more likely to go wrong.

    0|2
    0|0
    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Wow! A rational post by a woman about marriage 👍 (normally, on this topic even the most rational and educated woman becomes non-rational). You have a very healthy view, but I think it also comes from your life experience. With age you realize that it is better to concentrate emotionally on your love and relationship how it fits the both of you, and not on external things. But I fear the asker lacks as well the experience and the smartness (her question does not sound like being able to reflect at all). Cheers from a happy family without marriage!

    • I agree. And ask your self why would you want to step it up and complicate things if you have everything, maybe that's exactly the reason why because people always have the need to reach for something new, better and exciting. But maybe this is not a solution. I would rather try to think what can I do to make a life in a relationship even better and more interesting and exciting than thinking about marriage, it simply doesn't work like that if you are the only person pushing it. You both need to talk about it and be thinking about it if you are both interested, those things are very simple and that's why they are probably hard for most of the people today because today's life is made to be complicated

    • 100% agreed

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 75

  • I think if you are thinking and willing to marry someone, you should be able to ask them a question like that, and not have to wonder, or guard your feelings. You should be able to talk to him candidly about this

    3|0
    0|0
  • Men don't like getting married for a reason. It's a tilted deal towards women where women get all the benefits and men get the shaft since the proposal. He has to pay for the wedding, the ring, putting him in debt and in the likely chance of getting a divorce the man will lose half his possessions and royalties plus allimony. The real question here should be 'why should he want to marry me?'

    0|6
    1|0
    • I totally agree. Every man going for such deal must be considered insane (emotions aside, looking only on the factual and legal consequences of marriage in the US). And even worse, to be added to your post: in almost all the cases your children from you (the men). As a daddy I can tell you this must feel worse than dead (we guys love our children just the way women do and want to take care of them).

    • "your children are taken away from you"

  • There is no reason to get married for men.
    There is no reason to get married for men.
    There is no reason to get married for men.
    There is no reason to get married for men.
    There is no reason to get married for men.
    Women always get full custody of the kids and more than half a man's capital (money, house, cars, etc.)

    0|6
    1|1
  • Maybe he likes things the way they are and he’s afraid they will change if the relationship status changes?
    Personally, I think things shouldn’t change much if they are working. I ring and a “piece of paper” shouldn’t matter if the relationship is going good. That’s not to say you don’t need to tweak or make minor adjustments as you go along.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You can thank no-fault divorce and the ease with which men get raped by the court system for not wanting to get married. Only a fool would sign away his freedom and assets like that.

    0|4
    0|0
    • Exactly the marriage system is by far in favour of the women.

    • I think what's even worse: your own children can be taken from you and in more than 90% of the cases the women get custody from the divorce court and the order that the children live with the mother only, even when the father would like to have shared custody and care. WTF? As a daddy I am so sad about this and getting your children taken from you is worse than being dead (that's why suicide rates amongst divorced fathers is one of the highest).

  • The best way to know what the long wait is for, is to ask him. But don't be surprised, if you get an answer, that doesn't really tell you. I'm guessing he likes it the way it is, no real commitment, and still getting what he wants from the relationship. And what he wants from the relationship, may include not being married.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think my question is, if you are both happy together, why do you have to get married? Let's be honest, marriage is a waste of money, and leaves the couple with financial stress. I say don't get married, live a defacto life, and just be happy being with each other.

    0|2
    0|0
  • He doesn't want to give you the incentive to break up and take away the incentive for you to stay faithful. Marriage turns him into an asset not a partner.
    If you get married breaking up after that costs him and benefits you so there is no reason to stay faithful as he has no recourse to that and financially you are actually incentivised to break up.

    0|2
    0|0
  • To be honest, I would say that either he is insecure about something or he's just not into the thought of actually spending the rest of his life with you. Have you two talked about marriage at all? If so, then you should know the answer already, but if not then it's only obvious you two have some talking to do because if you've never discussed it, then maybe he's just waiting on the sign from you that you're ready.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Maybe he doesn't believe getting an expensive ring and signing papers is going to change your relationship all that much. If you guys are together, you're together, do you need papers to say that for you?

    0|3
    0|0
  • I dint want to get married... I don’t need permission to be whit you for life nor does it change our relationship and I’d rather spend 20k$+ going on vacations whit you all over the world

    0|3
    0|0
  • Because he is making sure he is ready... it’s easy for a woman to want to get married, a woman is the one that most protected in a marriage by law... so naturally you will want to make sure you lock him up. But this man wants to make sure he want to legally take it to that level. Are your worth it enough to make that commitment. If you are, then he would have no problems. Or offer to sign a pre-nup.. that will speed the process up!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maybe he's not into marriage.
    Why haven't YOU proposed him yet?

    2|3
    0|0
  • You see, men are tired of taking the first step. We're not your servants to fill in your ego nor it's a matter of chivalry. Take the fucking first step lazy self-centered bitches !!!

    0|2
    2|0
  • Their are people who fear a lot and they dont want to loose u so afraid to propose.
    But only if he admires you , think about u , give u proper attention.
    Keep dreaming to be with u.

    If he is involved physical but still not proposing then somethimg wrong in that and he might be just doing timepaas

    0|0
    0|0
  • Is normal that a man feels no ready to take that step in thy life. Maybe 'cause of the fact of feeling older or just he don't want to say goodbye to the possibility of being single again. Give it time, talk to him about his feelings. But don't push him

    0|0
    0|0
    • you really think 5 years is ok? women do not have that time to waste!! a man should know in a damn year to pop the question! he is wasting her time!!! I wouldn't sit and wait for some idiot to propose to me.. IN 5 YEARS!!! thats ridiculous

    • Got patience is not ridiculous. Any way, you don't know they're situation, haw can you judge them?

  • Don't take this the wrong way. *MARRIAGE IS HELL FOR MEN* pay the ring most likely pay for the wedding. So on so on. And you can ruin his life so fast.

    0|3
    1|0
    • And pay alimony and other stuff your whole life and get your children taken from you. And don't be naive, just check the numbers: divorce will come and it will always be to the favor of the woman!

  • We know him better than you do. Our job is to spy on him and enter his mind. Just ask him ffs

    1|2
    0|0
  • Probably doesn’t think that marriage is something of importance. I have a friend who’s been with his lady for 6 years now and they seem happy about it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • A future together doesn't mean there has to be a proposal and marriage. Maybe figure out what his ideas concerning that are?

    0|2
    0|0
    • You try to reason with emotional logic and you suggest a totally logic and useful way to handle this ("talk to each other"). But I think logic and reason is not a strength of the asker 😉

  • More from Guys
    55

What Girls Said 28

  • Girl relax abit.
    My oldest brother took 8 years to finally propose to his now-wife.
    This is because he wanted to enjoy everything first and make sure he is settled before tying the knot.
    If he really loves you and is finally ready, he will propose.
    You will never know.. maybe he will propose soon 😉

    0|1
    0|0
  • You should propose to him if you’re ready to get married

    2|8
    0|0
  • Definitely ask him. Y’all have been together this long, what is there to lose? My mom finally had to ask my dad what was taking so long back when they were dating and that’s basically what jumpstarted the proposal lol

    1|1
    0|0
  • 5 years is nothing, there is no time limit. When it happens it happens. If it is a problem for you either propose yourself, have a deep chat about where your relationship is at or face the prospect of leaving him if he is not willing to propose within a certain timeframe.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not mentally ready. Marriage is a completely whole new stage of a relationship. EVERYTHING changes. Mentality to be ready to commit is very important, otherwise, it will just bring heartache.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Maybe he doesn't want to get married. Considering today's devorce rates... you can still be happing withought legal bondage. It may save you money and time in the long run. Ask him how he feels about it and why.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think he is the only one that can answer your question.

    Maybe he isn't ready. Or maybe he sees a furute with you but he doesn't want to get married.

    Girls always make a little timetable (at which age they want kids, when they want to get married etc.) But most guys just don't do that.

    For you is five years long, but does he know that? And have you ever talked about marriage specifically or just the 'furture'?

    0|0
    1|0
  • a) He doesn't want to get married.
    b) He doesn't want to get married. To you.

    1|3
    0|0
    • Last one is ouch and might be the answer but I'm glad I didn't say it.

    • Yes, I might have been too harsh. But this is just what I've noticed from people around me.

      For @asker, I think you have three options now. You can just wait, see what happens. You can propose to him instead. Or you can simply ask him. But be aware that asking him will put certain strain on your relationship no matter how you word it.

  • Maybe he doesn't have a high opinion on marriage. You could just ask him, you know. Like if marriage is something he would want in his life.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Is he getting all the benefits of a being married without the commitment?

    0|0
    0|0
    • Haha... What should that be? There are no benefits for men in being married, only the highly probable risk of getting your life destroyed and children taken from you. If you mean sex, welcome to 2018! For this you don't need marriage or a relationship.

    • @steckepferd lol seriously. Wtf is she talking about. Women love marriage because a couple years in, they can take you for everything you have.

  • LEAVE HIM!!! 5 years? most men propose within 1-2 yrs! a man doesn't need 5 damn years to make up his mind that u are "the one". He is playing ur tail for a FOOL!! we women do not have time to waste like that!!! there are men who are serious about commitment and won't string u along!!! dont be one of those women who are chasing a guy and hanging on his every word like a holy book... than he ends up marrying some chik within 1 yr of knowing her and ur left in the dust after 10 years of chasing!! girl bye! if he ddoesnt see it for u now.. he never will!

    1|0
    0|7
    • Yeah, let's commit the rest of our lives together after knowing them less than I know my own cat. This is why marriages fail at a high rate

    • @StickStickity13 No! actually love based marriages fail the most! because idiots think that love is all that is needed for a marriage to work! compatibility/respect/communication and understanding is! AMAN doesn't NEED 5 YEARS TO KNOW HE WANTS OT MARRY!! thats a waste of damn time!!! There are owmen who waited years for a guy to commit and they are now at an older age where they are worried about fertility! thats wrong as hell!!! a man who is serious about committment wouldn't do that shitt! only little boys like to play around! real men commit! it doesn't take u 10 years to know u want to marry. if you dont see it for me now.. u never will

    • That's very condescending, calling men immature because they don't want to marry a woman. Why should we want to marry someone so desperate?

  • Does he actually specifically say he wants marriage or just a future together? Do you live together?

    1|0
    0|0
  • Do you want to marry him? Maybe ask him. I asked my partner and found out he wanted me to do the asking.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Maybe because he think that no marriage is needed? You can still be in a long term relationship and not marry

    0|0
    0|0
  • Future together dnt always mean marriage or maybe he ain’t sure of u

    0|1
    0|0
  • He's got everything he wants right now he doesn't see a reason to change things

    0|1
    0|0
    • And no reason for putting himself into the complete unnecessary risk of getting just money and children taken away from him in a divorce. And the divorce will come highly probable, initiated by the wife (check the statistics) - don't lie to yourself about that, guys 😉

  • My sister and her husband were together for 12 years before he proposed!

    0|0
    0|0
  • You should be asking him this, not a bunch of strangers. And why won't you propose?

    0|1
    0|0
    • Because this is not considered "romantic" by her (and by many more women unfortunately and to their own disadvantage. Too many got their view and morals on love and relationships from Disney movies and still believe in Prince and Princess, which just blocks you from finding good, normal, healthy love).

  • some people don't believe in marrieage ;p

    0|3
    0|0
  • Why can't you propose?

    0|1
    0|0
  • More from Girls
    8

Recommended myTakes

Loading...