Shouldn't he WANT to see me/ text me etc?

I have been dating a guy for a couple months now. He pursued me and I know he showed signs of being interested in me at least a year before we actually got together. It's been very casual thus far, going on dates/hanging out 1-2 times a week. We haven't had any conversation regarding where this is going, though I know that is probably my best bet to get answers.Time has been an issue because he works full time and I've been in a different city during that time (I make it back on the weekends). Anyway, now I'm finally back to the same city as him and I guess I have expectations about how our relationship should evolve. My big issue right now is that after the initial chase, his effort has plummeted. Everything seems really good when we're together but he doesn't text me regularly anymore and now lately it seems like I am mostly the one initiating contact or asking to hang out or do something. Last night I texted him (first time since Saturday) and asked what he was doing; I got a response four hours later that said (pretty much verbatim) "sorry I fell asleep after going to the gym. hope you had a good day :) I work all week :)". wtf? this is after I hear nothing from ALL day Sunday and I KNOW he only works 3 days a week because he does 12 hour shift work.. I know he's not afraid of commitment or anything, he's had long term girlfriends in the past. Why am I suddenly making all the effort? If a guy likes a girl shouldn't he want to check in and see how she's doing or take the initiative to hang out etc? Is this just a personality thing or is he trying to phase me out? I'm frankly getting fed up and am thinking about just saving myself the hurt and splitting. I've been hurt in the past and I have no intention of hanging around and letting it happen again. please help! Thanks in advance!


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  • First of all, STOP. Stop OVERFUNCTIONING. Everytime you feel like reaching out to him, STOP. Breathe, and then do something else that distracts you and makes you feel good. He should be pursing you, but he isn't. Focus on yourself and open your mind up to new men and new situations, even if it's just to flirt and distract you. Then when you do hear from him (and you will), you say, "I feel disconnected and distant from you and it doesn't feel good. It doesn't make me feel lke a woman to be the one contacting you." Then do nothing. Don't expect a response from him. It's only your job to express what YOU are feeling. Then he either fixes it or he doesn't. If he doesn't, then he's not worthy of your attention anymore :)