My parent's are not going to approve of my bf, what should I do?

Hi guys,
So I'm a 28 year old and I'm currently dating this 29 year old guy. We've been going out a few weeks now. The biggest problem here is my boyfriend is a Muslim. Although he is not a practicing Muslim, my parents have told me I am allowed to date anyone except a Muslim. I have previously dated a non practicing muslim as well and they were extremely unhappy and we had fights in the house everyday.

My current problem is my parents are currently paying for my university fees as I'm furthering my studies and would not have sufficient funds to do so myself so I feel like if I displease them in any way, I'm going to suffer for it. I've told my boyfriend that my parents are not going to ever approve and he says to just see how our relationship goes and not to worry about that yet.

Honestly I'm super worried about this relationship because what if it works out and comes to a stage where we might want to get married and my parents don't approve? What do I do next? I'm just worried I'm going to invest too much in something that may ruin my entire relationship with my family, but I do see this going somewhere with this guy.

I feel like there's no way out for me in this but I'd love to hear any opinion from anyone.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • As an adult your parents should not be dictating your life. The reasons why they don't want you to date specifically a Muslim we shall leave to one side, but as someone in your twenties and fully capable of making your own decisions your parents should be supportive of you.
    My advice is you have a choice, want to stay with him? Move out, and stand up for yourself in a way that could cause some significant rifts. You don't want to stay with him, still move out as it looks like your parents REALLY need to let go.
    You got to go with what you think is best, but prepare for the consequences. Good luck

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  • If your parents are still in control of everything you do, and you let them, best believe its never going to work out

    You need to only do one thing. GET OUT OF THEIR HOUSE, lol

    But as long as you`re under their roof, especially if they still pay everything for you, then best believe they are going to control everything

    I mean, sweety, you`re 29, not 16, 18, or even 20. lol

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Sadly you need to choose. Either your family or this guy. Because despite your boyfriend being open-minded your parents aren't. Ultimately they are making you choose, either them or him. So take your pick, or take your chances in trying to convince your parents. Before doing that though, you should comprehend why they don't like Muslims or at least why they don't want you dating a Muslim. Once you know that you can figure out how to persuade them into at least giving him a chance. Best of luck!

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  • I'd keep it a secret untill your fees are all payed. It migth be a big sacrafice, especially to your boyfriend but if he really wants to be with you, this is the most Drama free way. When they can't hold the money against ypu anymore, you can tell them.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 57

  • If this were me, I'd just not tell them about him until you later decide you want to marry him because even if you tell them about him now, you'll have to tell them at some point that you're getting married. If it doesn't work out with him as a boyfriend, you will have saved yourself from some grief.

    At your age, I don't think you have to tell your parents everything. I would advise you to find out before you angree to marry whether he expects you to convert to Islam.

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  • Having someone pay your bills is a crutch. You will be motivated to try harder & reach higher on your own. If you really love someone you will also be willing to take some risks to be with them but make sure he feels the same way & shows it. Otherwise you’re doing it for nothing. That said, did I ever give more than the other person in a relationship? Sure. I also regretted it eventually.

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  • What does he is not a practicing muslim mean? Does he still believe it all he just isn't a super stickler about the rules or that he doesn't even believe it? If he is a believer what would you do if you have kids and wants to start going to the mosque and teaching the kids this stuff and maybe starts to take it more seriously and becomes more devote. He begins to want to oppress any daughters... etc?

    You're kind of playing with fire here.

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    • It's like a Christian who does following their beliefs all the time. Doesn't pray on Friday. Likes his BLT and to be honest like everyone else.

  • All I can tell you is what I would do:
    Keep him a secret until you either graduate or don't need your parents' financial support, then tell them about him afterward. At that point, it doesn't matter whether they approve or not because they don't have anything over you. The only tough part would be convincing your boyfriend that it would be the best thing to do--because if you're gonna do it, he has to be in on it.

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  • Why is a 28-year-old not paying her own university fees? I doubt you're able to find permanent employment with that kind of career progression, so becoming a muslim housewife is not a bad choice I guess.

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  • Just ask for their reasons for not letting u date a Muslim. Sort out some answers for their opinions and give ur answers to them. If they r satisfied everything will be fine. If they r Nt. Try more. Even if they r Nt satisfied. U think about the reasons they have for not allowing u. At some point somebody will be convinced by the other.

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  • I'm a muslim... Dont practice it... i like a mixture of christians , hindu , taoism and muslim culture and believes... I'd say ask him if he feels comfy to say he's an atheist... Did that a few times when some of my ex's had the same problem... Their parents actually loved me... didn't care i was born muslim and stuff like that

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  • Id date secretly until you grad/have a job then do what I wanted.

    Your parents are being xenophobic and islamophobic so you are the one in the right here. Them disliking muslims is their issue you're a grown ass woman date who you'd like.

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  • I would get out of the situation where your parents have any say over you. If they're paying for college and using that to control you, then you're going to have to pay for your own college to get that freedom. At your age parents should not have this much control over you

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  • State his nationality, not a religious affiliation. For instance, 'Mom, Dad, meet my boyfriend Aun, he is Pakistani.' If the directly ask if he is Muslim be sarcastic and say 'Mom, Really? Oh, yeah he is a big time Muslim, haha! No, he is not a practicing Muslim.' So then your not lying and make them understand he is not a practicing Muslim. Plus if he is not a practicing Muslim, then he is not really a Muslim.

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  • To blackmail you with your own university tuition would be horrible. I feel like they wouldn't do that even if they didn't approve unless they don't care about you getting a degree (which it sounds like they do) and they're willing to risk your future.

    I think dump him or keep him away from your parents but be honest with your boyfriend about it, or tell your parents and see if they're horrible or not.

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  • This is one hurdle as a Muslim parents are so into the culture but the kids are not , the joys of living in a western culture the kids deviate away from traditions and the parents are still staunch supporters of Thier home land but want western ways to a point

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  • Being that he isn't practicing I'd imagine he doesn't wear anything that would give it away. Just don't bring up the topic. Ultimately it's your life though, the most qualified person to decide your life choices is you.

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  • Ultimately it's your life. I agree to just not tell them if it's easily hidden.

    Now here's Dad coming out in me. Don't put him over your studies. There is more than enough time in your life for a relationship.

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  • Well as an outsider... thats already a bad relationship with your family if they only support you on their terms.

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  • I think your parents doesn't like your idea of having a boyfriend at all without mentioning his religion,
    They want you to focus on your study instead, try to make your parent understand you can't be lonely forever and having a boyfriend is stg very common and normal

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  • Perent raises you up to the stage that you can make your own decisions now. Perent are important too. please try to agreed them as you wanted. But don't ruin relationship with perents because they are only who can stay with you till the end of their life.

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  • Your in a real pickle. Does he have enough money to put you through schooling? If he does then I'd take my chances if he doesn't then I'd probably move on. Your young enough to find another man for you. It's a shame even as adults our parents still run our life to a certain extent. Hope it was helpful.

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  • See I have questions what if he practices muslim culture. Because u specially mentioned about that. Further I questions is it true that he don't practice Muslim culture but what about his family or friends. What if in future he change his thought. And then make decision. Be happy. Good luck.

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  • Depends a bit if you're a Christian 😀 because the Bible says that we should listen to our parents even if it's the dumbest thing ever 😁 if not, I'm not sure.. what about his parents? Are they ok?

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What Girls Said 22

  • Since you've heard what your boyfriend has to say about it, I think you should ask your parents why restrict you from dating Muslims.

    There is a possibility that their reasons may sound absurd, but it's better to know so that you have an idea of where they're coming from and how you can start convincing them otherwise (IF you really want to develop your relationship with your boyfriend).

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  • You are not a child any more. You are a grown woman that can make her own life decisions. If you were under the age of 17 I would understand but it is about time you take action and choose what makes you happy. My parents keep asking me when I am going to marry a guy. I choose to never get married or have kids. I choose to be a super woman with my pets that it lol.

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  • First of all, your parents have no right to make you dependent. From that perspective, it looks like a trap. What I really see though is that you need to take a step towards your independence. If you're serious about this guy, this may mean putting your education on hold or veering towards a different career path. Figure out what's more important to you, then you can decide what actions to take.

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  • Keep the relationship hidden until you are no more dependent on your parents for anything, which won't take a long time I guess. If you're Christian or Jewish then your relationship is legal by Islamic ruling, by the way. You did mention that he's not practicing is if you get married then do it in whatever marriage act is there for your case, when you are ready of course.

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  • Basically. If you're worried about your parents controlling it, you shouldn't have got with your boyfriend. You already have.
    Why do they not like Muslims? Could you talk to them about it?

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  • Honestly, and I know this is hard to hear, but I believe that your studies are more important than your relationship with someone else. Relationships ( with boys) come and go, bit your studies and your family stay. You could possibly be ruining your relationship with your parents for a boy / man you could break up with in 1 month or 6.

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  • If I was in the place of your boyfriend, I would just act like I'm an atheist until they accept me or you know only around them acting that way (one doesn't see his in law's often after all). Lying but it's worth it.

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  • Your 28 date whoever you want to date its YOUR choice not there's and if they want to be excepting about it and be good parents and let you fall in love then great and if they don't turn the other cheek and walk away with your boyfriend and do it happily and proud

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  • You are old enough to make your own decision. But because of your current position, lay low and tell them he is a friend right now from school. A real cool guy.

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  • I think you should go on dating with him and give yourself chance to realize you really like him or not if you decide you like him and he likes you or you love each others then you can try to explain this to your parents that religions mean nothing and show them and example that what if your dad were a Muslim what would your mother do , would she abendon your dad
    also I'm a Muslim too and if I found boyfriend who is Christian I don't think that my parents would say a word

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  • It's your life. You're an adult, and if they truly love you then they'll support your decision on who YOU want to marry. When I comes to love, you can't let anyone else make the decisions for you

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  • Make your Relationship Light and Sweet for Now... What they don't Know for Now Somehow, May pay off One day when you are Far Away. xxoo

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  • Find someone else. Don't get stuck on one guy. Remember you have to deal with family on his side too. And they most likely going to put pressure on you too since you are different.

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    • Your parents just trying to protect you from further issues more likely.

  • That's really an big issue
    Nw nowadays this is really common
    U should understand both ur boyfriend n ur parents also
    Don't hurt ur parents n don't hurt ur boyfriend too.

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    • That's a good say dear. But the problem is how to convince her parents. That the main part.

  • Just omit the Muslim part. I mean he isn’t practicing. So if they ask he was born in to it but doesn’t practice.

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  • Does Muslim stand on his forehead? If not simple lie and say he is Atheist

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  • Just dont tell them he's muslim

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  • Why does it matter if he is non practicing?

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  • Do whatever you want, you're a grown woman.

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  • Oh 😢😢 I don't know what to say

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