Do guys sometimes spend money on a girl to guilt her into giving them a second date?

I had a first date last night. Dude brought me a flower and some candy when he came to pick me up. We went to dinner and had a nice time, but the whole time I really didn't feel a connection or attraction. So ordinarily I'd leave it at that, but my mom is going crazy because he bought me that flower and candy and she said he deserves a second chance. I feel bad that I don't return his feelings, but there's not much I can do about it. Does my mom have a point though? Do i owe him a second date just because he spent money on me?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • You just need to be honest with him. No need to upset just tell him that you don't feel a connection so you think you should leave it there. I've always found when girls are honest with me I appreciate it and move on. If he takes honesty badly then that's on him, assuming you aren't a dick about it.

    Definitely don't go on a second date, as that would just get his hopes up further. Unless you think there's some possibility something could come of it. Which it doesn't sound like you think there is...

    If he wants to spend money that's his choice, often guys who do that are just trying to impress you in the short term anyway I've found. Although not always.

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  • Mom is old fashion and just wants the best for you.

    You however have to make this decision on your own because only you can prevent forest fires.

    Ideally a first date is not suppose to be about food. Its about having fun and getting to know a girl.

    Gifts are for 3rd dates and beyond after you have had sex and established a relationship.

    That guy was doing too much. Wssting money on flowers and candy and food and see you dont even like the guy lol.

    Thats why my first dates i go dutch and we spend bare minimum like $4 max. Its not a meal ticket, its a date.
    Light, casual and fun.

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    • Exactly. That's why I usually like to meet for coffee on the first date. Quick and low key.

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    • Lol it's not about being able to afford it. I don't mind spending money on my own coffee/drinks/food but I want to enjoy what I'm getting and ideally be able to sit and talk at the same time. 😛 Why you gotta make it about that.

    • That my point too.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Uh no, you don't owe him anything because he spent money on you. If you're not comfortable with a second date because you're not attracted to him then leave it at that. Otherwise he'll spend more money and make you feel more guilty and it'll be just a mess.

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What Guys Said 47

  • It could happen, but highly unlikely. Unless it's over the top expensive gifts.
    That's great that he did that and your mom does have a point but the only thing you owe anyone is the truth. No matter how much stuff they buy you.
    Maybe you meet but not really a date something more casual. You you had a good time. You don't have to make a decision right away. It's hard to have an accurate opinion of someone in general and especially when you only meet once.

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  • No. You don't own anybody because they spent money on you. Would it be a nice gesture? Yes. But if you have decided he is not right for you, let him know and calmly and nicely decline a second date. You owe him nothing. What he does with his money is hiis choice, just like what you do with your dating life is your choice

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  • Simple solution: Demand that you pay for 50% of the date or you won't go out with him. Then you won't feel you owe him anything afterwards. That is equality and that's what we all want. Right?

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    • Yeah I'll probably start doing that. I hate the pressure.

  • You don’t owe him anything. Don’t go out with him again if you don’t want to. He spends his money as he wants to and you have no obligation to return it. If you did that would make you a hooker and you are not a hooker

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  • It is not about the money, 2 dates its ok, he likes you and the flowers always means sorry, chocolates means love, candy means he likes you. Given this he probably knows he is bad at first dates, and your mom is right you should give him a second chance, nothing to lose :)

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  • No... our minds don’t work like that. We don’t go oh i’ll do this so I get a second date and tbh what decent person thinks like that?
    When a guy buys flowers abd chocolates it’s because that’s how much he cares about you. And besides when your paying for a second date too why would you want it if you have to almost bribe her to it? Waste of money and time.

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  • You don't owe him a date because he spent money on you. It's your choice. But money is a tactic that men who aren't smooth talkers use to get a girl or give them a second chance

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  • Most of the time men spend money in women because 1, it's what we've been taught to do our whole lives, and 2, we want to be generous and nice to a woman to impress her. It's not really a guilt thing. If you don't feel any connection, don't go out with him, because you'll give him false hope then he'll have spent more money on you, on a worthless cause.

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  • It's upto you don't really owe him anything, and I don't think there will be many (Atleast I hope) men who would pay the bill with expectation for a second date , but in this case you can go out again probably it may just be the ambience during your date

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  • Maybe some do, but your mom is wrong.

    You don't control who you fall for. Some candy and a flower or money should not change that.

    You've already given him a chance. Forget him

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  • Spending money on someone is not important in a relationship.
    Girls are attracted towards a rich person. Why don't you?

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    • It's more important that I'm attracted to the rest of him. :/

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    • Sweetheart, I feel so sorry for your love life!

    • It's my habit now to get rejected Everytime. Hehe.

  • Ummm... I'm sure it happens some times... but most guys spend money on women because it feels to good to provide resources for her. Even if it doesn't become anything more, you want to dote on women you care for.

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  • I have never done the guilt thing for a second date. I dont think your mother is right. Generally speaking guys spend lots money on dates so i dont see why you should do a second date if you dont like him that way

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  • If you don't feel it, don't force it. I think it's a bit cheesy and early unless it's like valentines. I think it's important while dating early to be more casual like going out and do stuff and split costs. To show more giving and taking.

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  • Money should not be the basis of any relationship.. However his gesture of getting you a candy and flowers is a really nice thing to do. If you do not like him tell him and exit its better to leave by informing him about your decision

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  • You well never love a guy for himself if all he does is give you things.. it will only make it worst.. he should have never acted that way on a first date, the goal is to get to know eachother, not treat a girl like she’s already your girlfriend

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  • If you didn't feel anything tell him. To be honest we do all that on a date to be a gentlemen. I was raise by my mother to be like that. I dont do it to guilt anyone into a second date. Do keep in mind not many men now a days do that.

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  • Wtf, whould mean if he spends money again you have to go to a 3rd Date?
    No be honest and tell him (patient). So if your mom forces you, go to the date and tell it him at the "date". Why does your mom should have controll about your love live?

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    • She doesn't have control, but I do often go to her for advice. In general, I care about what she thinks, but I was surprised at her opinion this time.

  • Immature guys do that as a way of trying to buy some attention. I think buying anything for a woman is a big mistake unless it is for the right reasons.

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  • Sometimes, of course. But not always. But some are chivalrous and just feel it's the right thing to do.

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What Girls Said 6

  • No. He should have known better than to bring gifts, I always tell guys not to do that or get the whole tab because they can fuck themselves over. Just tell him you appreciate the gifts but you don’t want to lead him on.

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  • Simple, don’t feel guilty. He’s his own person and he willingly spent money. I’m not sure why he would assume that you “owe” him. And if he does then that speaks volumes about his character.

    Do you do things for people to manipulate them?

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  • You don't owe him Jack. But I usually give most guys a second date before I decide on them.

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  • No you don’t owe him anything you gave him your time wich is priceless

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  • No. You dont. Its that simple. If you dont have feelings for someone, you dont want to lead them on.

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  • You are not a prostitute... you don't owe him anything just because he bought you gifts! If you're not interested stop seeing him. Your mom probably just thought he seemed chivalrous since he bought you gifts on a first date but it's not your mom's decision it's yours. I think it's weird that he would get you flowers and candy on a first date but that's just me.

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    • Yeah I was going to say the same thing. I think it is weird that he brought flowers and candy on a first date. Kind of a dumb thing to do in my opinion. So I agree that she doesn't owe him a second date. Nice of her mom to try to help though.

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