I am currently dating a guy who I thought was a good match for me. However, it’s been about 4 months in, and he started a new job, and he has to wake up early, and lately he’s been giving me an attitude or being cranky with me. I really don’t like it. I brought it up to him and he apologized and said he is just tired and he has been cranky with his family too. I told him I understood. We ended the call and I texted him “goodnight <3”. He didn’t reply to it. This morning he texted me “sorry i didn’t reply. I’m excited to see you today!”
I am just disappointed. I know people aren’t perfect. But, even on my crankiest, most sleep deprived, most stressful days I have always treated him with respect. Maybe i am just over thinking it.
Most Helpful Guys
You need to talk to him about love languages. It sounds like you most value words of affirmation and quality time. Like you said you could care less about gifts and it sounds like physical touch or acts of service are lower priorities for you. Talk to him about it and make it clear that even when he is feeling negatively that his words (and tone) as well as his quality time are most important to you. That will help him set expectations and plan his days so that he gives you what you want. Also make sure to hear and accept his love languages because if he is feeling loved he will have positive energy that will come back to you, like a cycle.
Also be sure to communicate and talk about these things often, maybe once a week. Almost like a business meeting set aside time to work on your relationship. Doesn't always have to be a complaint session or a blame game, but should be a time to review the past week and talk about future goals and expectations. Openly admit to things you feel guilty for and give him the space and freedom (in other words don't punish him) for admitting to messing up and falling short. Only if you put in constant work will you be less disappointed in your relationship.
What you need to do is be assertive with him, and say look I appreciate you are having problems, but if you continue to treat with no respect me. I will have no option, to end the relationship with you.
Or the other thing you could say, I really like you and everything, but if you are having problems, and being rude me, then I think we should give each other space, until you have sorted your problems.
You don't want to be aggressive with him, cause you will make yourself more important than him,
you don't want to be passive aggressive, like be cold with him or anything, because then you are making him more important than you,
You want to be assertive with him, because you are making each other both important to regards to the issues going on in the relationship. ,
Most Helpful Girls
You might be overthinking it a little. But you do have expectations. The unfortunate part is that men and women are different in relationships. Women are more emotionally involved and think any infraction means something is wrong. And it is easy to be disappointed, but you need to give it a little more time to see if it starts to even out a little. If it doesn't you need to talk with him and explain yourself and what you expect. It is the time for compromises if he cannot completely get on board with what you expect. Might be due to work, family, time, etc. You need to be respectful of that as well.