Is saying I love you after a month of dating, and a week of an official relationship too soon?

So my boyfriend just told me he loved me. But i think its too soon. Like waaaaayyy too soon. Can you actually love someone after this short amount of time? And whats too soon?
  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It really just depends on the situation. Like if you feel like you don't know him enough, yeah it might.

    I hate people who try to quantify it by days or weeks. If you're going to quantify it, then what about the people who get to know people really slow or fast? That's why I don't say that.

    Thats why I say once you feel like its time. Once you feel like you know this person enough and feel comfortable with it. Obviously you don't feel comfortable so it's not time.. even if I said its not too soon, you would object over it so lol.

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  • Not really. Feelings can develop, but those are all mixed up with the newness of the relationship, having someone take an interest you, being able to open up to someone, and the physical interactions with a new person. All of this rushing in over the next few months can be overwhelming, and feel very close to love.

    I tend to be very reserved when using the "L" word. For one, I don't want it to develop into a casual thing. I hear it all of the time from other couples. Walking out the door; "Going out, love you" with a reply, "Love you too, have a good time." What that's your goodbye now? Seriously? Where's the meaning and emotion behind something like that?
    However, you choose to use the word is up to you. Just don't confuse infatuation with love. When things begin to calm down you will know if you love someone or not. It's an unmistakable feeling, that you will never forget. Once you get it, it's like a drug, you can't get enough of it.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • everyone is different. it is not too soon if he feels it. feelings do not have a tie line. getting freaked out about it is pretty artificial. you can not 'judge' a feeling. its a very personal thing. he may just be very emotionally stable and comfortable with his feelings and able to express it without neurotic tendencies. it probably sees soon bc he's being honest, whereas most people say how they feel much later than they feel it bc people react the way you are ;p

    I think he probably meant he is 'in' love, feeling love. The act of loving is not just a thing that happens to you but a choice, and is proven over time through hardship adversity etc. it is not only 'felt'. you guys have not been together long enough for anyone to really have demonstrated the act of love. but he can definitely feel love this early on. he can definitely be in love. you can fall in love pretty quickly. if you ever ran into a cute puppy or found a new favorite song. or visited a country you were completely taken by. a beautiful sunset... you can fall in love quite easily, and fall out. So enjoy it while its here. if you waste time worrying, you will miss it.

    there is no way to hold onto being in love. proving he really feels it now, or if he didn't feel it till later, doesn't matter ultimately. there is no safety in such a passionate feeling it comes it goes. waiting would not mean its last longer. its like the whether. whatever is happening whenever it happens its real and it always changes. if its the kind of day you like, just enjoy it while its here. and just bc it changes does not mean it does not exist, its just 'different'.

    people do not necessarily stay in love but they can still care and stay together. id say its not too soon for him to feel anything but its ay too soon to be worrying about it.

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  • I always thought a relationship was about validating the feelings you have for each other, not wishful thinking that you might one day develop those feelings, but apparently I'm the odd one for feeling that way.

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    • See i think a relationship is about that too but it’s different when you’re not on the same level on how you feel

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 82

  • If it's genuine (and not merely lust), sure, it's fine to say it. People shouldn't be afraid to tell their boy-/girlfriend that, and I don't find it unreasonable given the stated timeframe.

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  • U r immature so is ur boyfriend

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  • People often mistake infatuation as love. If you go past the 3 month zone, the honeymoon faze will start to wear off.

    On a side note, chicks usually start shit testing sooner or later and that's when the guy realizes that women isn't who he thought she was.

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  • It depends on the two people involved. You can get hit with a "thunderbolt," as author Mario Puzo put it in "The Godfather."
    I once dated a girl with whom I had little in common, and yet, after about three dates, we both felt as if we had known each other for years! It was like magic. Yes, it can happen that fast. The relationship didn't work out for other reasons, which I regret, but that doesn't mean it's not possible.

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  • Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I don't think it's too soon. Life is so short, and can change so quickly. If you truly feel those feelings, let the person know. Don't worry about what other people think, or what is considered "normal". Just be true to yourself.

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  • Love is a stronger bond that does not form up that fast.

    Have you actually known him for longer time that you have been together? He might have fallen for you ages ago but you have only dated a short while.

    I think he is saying it too soon though. He is still just crushing.

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  • Why are people afraid to say I love you? If you like the other person more than anyone else, isn't it love then? So no, it's not too soon if you ask me. Be grateful that he has affection for you, instead of freaking out about three word. But maybe he is better off without you then, if he likes you more than you like him.

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  • I made the mistake of saying the same to my girlfriend way too soon. It doesn't change the fact that I feel that way.

    When you find that special someone you just kind of know that it's more than just likeing them, more than just attraction, more than lust.

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  • There is no agreement on the time needed to say "I love you". I don't think asking people on the internet would help you, simply because none of us know about the details of your relation. This is an affair between you and him. At the end, this is all your choice. If you feel that it is too soon, then it is ! Everyone feels different about that. Don't let a poll influence your life decisions. You should take some time to consider your true feelings, and then be honest and tell him.

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  • You're emotions and passion for this other person are probably pretty intense right now. It's really hard not to call that love. To be honest we really don't have a word for it in the English language. I think adore is as close as we get. Just communicate about it with him, that will be the best thing for your relationship

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  • Well, that depends a lot. He might have been in love with you for some time now, way before you got together. I don't think it's too soon cause each person feels love in a different way, but even if I felt that way I would wait at least a month to say it.

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  • The "right" time to express your love is when you're feeling it. Love has no formulas; go with your feelings.

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    • I'm sorry but I wouldn't call love just a feeling. It's a choice as well as something you can only grow into.

  • Love is when you irrationally want to sacrifice for someone else. Fake love is when you rationally want to sacrifice for someone else.
    The first is when you truly want the best for the other person. The latter is when you actually want your own best, diguised as wanting the other persons' best.

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    • Yes, this guy has the same idea as mine he just worded it differently. When you say I love you quickly there's a strong chance they are after there own best interest.

  • It's been said that early to me but I believe it's too early. I also understand that others might not have had the chance to be as free emotionally with others as they have with me so I can't completely judge them.

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  • The people who answered yes should live a little i think. You haven't really thought it through and what love actually means. Maybe you're a little infatuated, mezmorized, strongly intrigued or like, why dont you take some time to think it over and find the right word or combination of words. Love is the ultimate one more or less meaning "all of the above". You can't say that after only a month grow up...

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  • Yes because it could be that ain't been through the trails love or tested love to really know the truth about someone you are dating. Cause disappoints exist especially from people you give your all to.

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  • If you don't love someone why would you be in a relationship? Maybe you went into a relationship too soon, but the I love is definitely not too soon if you are together. This question honestly shocked me.

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  • I think it's to soon. Makes me think the person is desperate or gets attached to easily. Its immature in my opinion. I also think that person would be more likely to cheat later in the relationship if they're so off with their loving.

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  • usually after the second or third date

    or whenever the atmosphere is right is usually the right time

    will they break up with you
    probably not but they might be a little surprised and you should give them a small apology whoever said it first

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  • Seems too soon, but you're young, he dosent understand what love really is. He's infatuated with you.

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  • Yes. Love is attachment you get when you been with a person physically, and connected emotionally. It can take anywhere from weekend to 3 years. Some are quick to see it. Others need time to absorb things. They take as long as 3 years.

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  • Love can manifest itself at anytime as from the moment you begin a relationship. However despite my "No", you've got to be quite watchful for fake "I love you".

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  • I can love someone the first day I meet them. Doesn't mean I'm going to marry or have sex with them! You don't love him in anyway?

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    • It is okay if you don't, you don't have to love him back. But if he loves you, that shouldn't be a bad thing. he gets to feel how he wants to feel, that is his heart, his soul, his body. you don't have to like it or support it.

  • It's too soon, but also, your under 18, so I assume (hope) that he is too. He's going to make tons of mistakes like this, and he's going to let romantic emotions carry him away. Boys are very passionate and romantic creatures.
    What he thinks is love is known as the "honeymoon phase" of the relationship. It is the obsessive infatuation a couple feels for each other early in the relationship. After that fades, if you still want to be with the person, that's a pretty good sign that it's love. He's never lived through this before, so he can't know this.
    Boys can be controlled by our emotions, but that doesn't mean we understand them or can articulate them.

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  • Look, love is the condition in which someone else's happiness is essential to your own. So, after that, ask yourself again

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  • I had a woman once say she loved me just after a few days after sex... scared the shit out of me omg...

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  • He loves where you both are right now and what he knows of you.
    He doesn't know the real you yet.

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  • Saying that you love the other one should be done once you do

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  • There is no rule or time table for feelings... You should find out is he telling the truth by testing him by monitoring his behaviours around... generaly you should rely on your intuition about him..

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  • Sounds like he's in love with the honeymoon faze unless you're both just being real with each other in that case I don't think it's too soon

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What Girls Said 57

  • I don't think there is something like too soon or too late for saying I love you... You just say it when you really feel it

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  • Yes and no, i would say you can feel strongly for someone but in reality you probably don't love someone after such a short period of time, even if it feels that way.

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  • Whether it feels to soon or not depends on how it makes you feel, and it obviously is making you worried so that is why in your case I voted yes. Less then a month of dating my ex he told me he loved me. I felt like a deer cought in headlights. My natural response was to put a wall up, because my gut instinct told me that wasn’t good. There can be multiple reasons he has said I love you. He could have meant it and you guys could be made for each other and it will just take you a bit longer, that’s a possibility but probably most likely not the case. I learned that sometimes people can be manipulative without realizing it, sounds silly but it’s very true. He may be showering you with love expecting certain things in return. If he rushes you any any way, doesn’t respect your needs, be careful. He also could be desperate and maybe doesn’t love himself or is aware of boundaries. More then likely, this is a bad sign. But I would give it a little more time to see if it’s genuine and see if he really truly does love you, because that also could be the case, but likely is not. He may have already given other red flags such as not respecting your needs, in that case run.

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  • You’re young. What you think is love isn’t. It’s infatuation. To say I love you already is WAY too soon. Love is so much more than an emotion. Love takes time. Love takes commitment. You can’t possibly know someone well enough after a month to love them romantically.

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  • Love has different levels. I can love a puppy immediately. Maybe you remind him of someone and he feels an instant connection. I believe he can love you fast but I wouldn't believe that level of love is the same as say your love for your family which is strong.

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  • He is in infatuation/lust stage. And people always confuse it with love. Real love starts about 3 months in. Sometimes sooner if you've known them longer before in the relationship. People that say ILY too early/fast usually crash and burn early. Smart that you recognized that it was too soon!

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  • Depends. Did you meet him a month ago? How long have you known him well?
    I think if you were friends for a pretty long time before, and were close, then its not too soon. If he's only just now (in the last few months) getting to know you well, then yes, its WAY too soon. How can he love you, when he doesn't know you completely? It's impossible. To me, thats a red flag and I would end the relationship.

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  • I voted yes, but it depends, if you two knew each other before you ever started dating such as were friends or if you spent most of your free time together and really got to know each other. But since you're feeling it's too soon, it's obviously too soon!!!

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  • I do think that’s a bit too soon. My boyfriend didn’t tell me he loved me until we were 3 months into the relationship. It doesn’t mean he’s lying, he just might have said it a bit too soon. Did you say it back?

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    • No cos i do like him a lot and i think im falling for him but i think its too soon as well. So we had a mature talk about it. Im still stressed out though.

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    • Yeah you’re right thank you. I do feel very strong feelings for him. I guess its just that im sometimes afraid to get to love someone

    • No problem at all and best of luck to you 😊

  • It depends! I told my first boyfriend I loved him from week one but that's because i had a crush on him all year and knew what i felt for him was true! He didn't tell me until we were nearly a year and a half into the relationship. It really just depends on the person

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  • I think people these days do confuse infituation and liking for love, once i had this guy tell me he loves me after one week of knowing each other, he literally didn't know anything about me and he got mad at me that insists on the fact that its not really love, one week later he ghosted me af.
    Am not sure if he does not really love you but it sure is way too soon.

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  • I told my boyfriend I loved him on our first date. That was like a few weeks after we met. 9 years later we're still going strong. It's possible he truly feels that way but if you feel like it's too soon let him know.

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    • Bloody hell, first date? Honestly that's a huge red flag for most people just meeting someone so it's good to see it worked out for you!

    • Yeah I'm glad it did too. After I said it I felt kind of stupid and wouldn't have been surprised if he thought I was crazy and just never talked to me again lol

  • I moved in with my boyfriend after 4 weeks. We are still together 21 months on.

    It was similar with my mum and dad, but even quicker. They were together 12 years before fate took him from us.

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  • Say I love you back and watch his actions. Even if you don't mean it. Because love is an action, without sex. Also ask him what is it that he loves about you? Love is way more than a feeling and saying it and it even goes beyond having sex.

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  • Yes, but I’m a hypocrite. My boyfriend dropped the “I love you” bomb a few weeks into our relationship. It really freaked me out until I realized how much he made me happy. I wasn’t in love yet, but I could see where he’s coming from.

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  • I mean, maybe. For me, love is a commitment. It’s not a feeling. Can you be fully committed to someone after two weeks? I guess so. I personally find it unlikely.

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  • Personelly, I believe the first couple months of a relationship are the honeymoon gaze your both getting used to each other and he won't see your whole personality (good and bad) until the honeymoon gaze is over with. Unfortunately, he might know he loves you until the butterflies go away and his true true feelings surface.

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  • It's ok to tell someone that you love them when you really feel it. Time doesn't matter because you may fall in love at any moment.

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  • Only if you've known each other for a pretty solid amount of time before getting together and he has had these feelings for you for a while. That's the only way I can see how someone would genuinely be able to say that they love someone else after seemingly such a short amount of time. Otherwise, it's too soon and they don't know what they're talking about.
    You're also under 18 so it could just be that he's really excited and feeling lots of teenage hormones, and thus misinterpreting them as love.

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  • If you actually mean it, no. The only time you shouldn't say it is when you don't really mean it, don't say "i love you" just to say it lol

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  • Years ago i would have said its cool. Now I'm older and feel its too soon. My first husband said it after 1 month dating. My current boyfriend just told me 10 months into our relationship. I wonder if my ex had not said it we would have even bothered continuing seeing one another. It almost forced me to stick it out. It created a committment, where as in retrospect, we would have been better just casually dating. It is what i call a forced intimacy because true intimacy is developed with time, trust and shared experience and that takes a long time. By forcing it you are required to meet obligations but the love can change because you dont really know the real person. I believe my current boyfriend really does love me truly. I am glad he didn't just say it because it seemed like the right time etc.

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  • You Yourself are Calling a Guy you are "Dating" A... Boyfriend. I am not seeing this. He is a "Special Someone" hun, of yours at the Moment, Who may be a Potential "Boyfriend."
    You both Appear to be Going too Fast with Titles and Words and this usually Leads to Someone down the no Fine Line, Growing Cold Duck Feet and Ending up Running Away on Any Given Day.
    Talk to him about Going Slower and You Yourself, Referring him to "A special guy" Until you are Not only Exclusive but Official.
    There is always a Chance of Romance with Love at First Sight but is very Rare, and the Ones like Yourselves who have this Connection, Should go much Slower to be Sure this is the One.

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    • I see now you are under18 so you really need to go slow. xx

  • Nah i said those three words to my girlfriend (now she’s my ex actually) after two days of dating with much communication 24/7 (literally) and it had always been real

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  • How old are you guys? It’s what my mom calls puppy love. You just like someone so much in a new relationship you’re all giddy around each other! If you don’t love him back don’t say it

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    • Infatuation. You see it here everywhere. Girls only know infatuation these days.

  • I always think it depends on the individual. With me, it would take a really long time before I'd be able to actually say it and to be 100 % sure about my feelings.

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  • Yes, because you can't possibly know everything about a person after one month. You're likely only in love with the image of the person rather than the real person.

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  • I don't think there is such thing as too soon
    You feel it when you feel it, and you say it when you feel you should because you are sure.

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  • You think THAT'S too soon? Mine dropped the L bomb after THREE DAYS of being together!
    We're still together now though, four months later, so though it's a bit soon I think it can still work out :)

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  • Depends on the couple and how fast the relationship is moving. If you're not ready just say thanks or something

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  • I think it could happen, maybe it's could be soon but yeah it's depend of his honesty, his feelings towards you and moments that shared with him...
    Honestly I can't give a final judgement

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