Should I be upset about what my boyfriend said?

I went on my boyfriends messages from couple of days ago
He doesn't talk or flirt with any girls
He just talk to his female workfriends about work and stufd
And he was talking to one of his good guy friends whos married
And then my boyfriend said to him "yeah i changed gym, there's so many hot Asian girls, you should come bro lol"

Wtf?
Why would he say that?
Im Asian myself
Should i be upset about this?
  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guys

  • This is just an impression I'm getting which could be horribly wrong. I think he's bragging about you. I get the impression what he's saying is essentially "Come see what you're missing out on, I have a hot Asian girlfriend and you don't." Now I find this inappropriate either way because his friend has a wife. However, I don't necessarily think he's wanting to be with the girls at the gym.

    If you're looking for advice, mine would be this: Ask to go to the gym with your boyfriend. Work out with him. If something is wrong it will probably come to light and if not... working out with your man is still a really good way to build up the relationship. Hope it works out :)

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    • I already go to the gym
      We are with different gyms
      So if I go to his gym, I have to pay to enter
      Why pay extra when I'm already paying for my gym?
      We would work out together for sure but yeah... he lives far too anyway lol not bothered to change gyms

    • And how does saying about those Asian girls at the gym.. relate to me though?

    • It's a guy thing. Guys like to brag about their girls even if the way they do it seems a little twisted at times. I get the impression this isn't the first time your boyfriend and his friend have talked about hot Asian girls but in the sense that your boyfriend is bragging that he has one.

  • No, but he should be upset with you, where is the trust, why are you going through his phone, me and my fiancee trust each other completely, thats the only way a relationship can work. Plus guys talk like that even when they've been married for 60 years thats not going to change.

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    • He was talking about hot girls to his guy friend
      doesn't that mean he's not happy being with me and wants those girls?

    • No, he was making an observation. I notice if a girl is really hot, but thats as far as the thought goes is "oh, she looks good" then thats the end of the thought then i go back to whatever i was doing and i dont think twice about them because i dont want them. The most beautiful woman to ever live could walk right past me and i dont care, i might mention her to my buddies to make conversation, but at the end of the day nothing is worth risking the relationship i have with my best friend, my love, my future wife

Most Helpful Girls

  • He was probably wingman-ing for his friend, acknowledging that other hot girls exist aren't a problem.

    My guy friends compliment me and I compliment my guy friends on them being hot/attractive if they're wearing something nice or put a little effort into their appearence, doesn't mean I feel the need to cheat on my boyfriend or vice versa, it's just giving my friends validation and making them happy, the same as I would with my girl friends- as long as he's not flirting/cheating with other girls I wouldn't worry.

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  • 1) Why are you invading your boyfriend's privacy? Would you like yours invaded?

    2) I'm sure you've noticed attractive guy and said so around your friends. I feel he's doing the same. The difference in this scenario is that he may be ogling them (which many men admit that they are likely to do).

    What I would do is confront him (while apologizing for perusing his messages) and tell him you find it disrespectful working out while ogling women, continuing to state that he most definitely wouldn't like it if you did the same.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 26

  • Guys talk like this to each other all the time and we check out women all the time. You really don't have anything to worry about.

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  • Well, I think you are both in the wrong. You, in a violation of trust, violated his privacy by going through his messages. That is not something one should do in a relationship.

    On the other hand, your boyfriend was also in the wrong because he was gawking at other women and objectifying because of their race.

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  • This is normal really, guys are gonna check out other girls for as long as they live, just like girls are gonna check out other guys for as long as they live, its fine, you'll make a mistake if you blow up about it, he'll think your crazy and dont trust him for going through his phone. And he's not fucking or talking to any of the girls so there's not a problem.

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  • He just commented on the “scenery” at the new gym. Sometimes having good “scenery” to look at makes it more worth while to go workout. It more of an incentive or an extra while working out. It doesn’t mean he wants them or anything.

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  • Umm... no, that would be a silly thing to get upset about. He would say that because he likes Asian girls, and because you aren't the only Asian girl on the planet, he is bound to find another one attractive as well. Don't get caught up on this, it's not worth your energy.

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  • I don't know why people are saying it's a joke... They don't know him or you...

    If he was being serious it's a problem... not only is he acknowledging the fact that other attractive woman are somewhere he is inviting his "MARRIED" friend...
    Seeing other good looking out and about is whatever that's not controllable.. however purposely going to see them...

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  • you should join his gym, he's going to get jealous at all the guys looking at you or you looking at other dudes. let him get a taste of his own medicine lols.

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  • You are being way too controlling. Looking at other attractive women isn't a big deal. I'm sure I've noticed attractive men around you. Look but can't touch.

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  • Just because someone is in a relationship, doesn't mean attractive people don't exist anymore. Besides, I'm pretty sure he was just saying that to convince his buddy of joining the same gym

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  • Having a girlfriend doesn't make us blind. I see hot women all the time but I'm not planning on leaving my wife.

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  • wtf he saying that for he has a very nice girl in you tell him to fuck of you will get a guy that will respect you leave him he is no use to you that means he wants a girl from the gym to play with no way get him out of your life do it now

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  • To say attractive or hot doesn't mean better then my girlfriend, for example you have probably had a moment in your relationship where you were like that guy (who isn't your bouyfriend) looks good, hot means the same it is just another power term

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  • You went on your Bfs messages? Did he say you could, or did you just invade his privacy?

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    • your right he should be up set

    • Show All
    • For me, her snooping, and not trusting, is a relationship killer! I would break up with you, if you did that to me. I have NOTHING to hide, but there needs to be a certain level of TRUST, if you want a relationship!!
      If I thought she was snooping, and not trusting, I would purposely put messages in there, for her to find, to freak her out!! Things like posts from a guy friend, that say, Hey, [your name] why are you snooping in my Bro's phone?
      Shame on you for not trusting, and snooping!!

    • k doesn't mean he meant it. only havin good time

  • My opinion is: you should be upset with yourself. You violated a trust by not getting permission to read the messages.

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  • I'm in the male minority, but I say you have a right to be upset. You are to be the only hot Asian chick in the world in his mind.

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  • People are still attracted to other people when in a relationship get over it. If he obviously checking other people out while he's with you then you should be upset

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  • Its just a guy thing, we joke about that stuff all the time?

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  • You are wrong in the first place and you don't like what he said even though you're Asian why would he be with you if you're not hot

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  • Are you a dumpy Asian girl? If not, go join that gym.

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  • It was a joke if it concerns you get a membership and go together it shouldn't be a problem

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What Girls Said 9

  • You're kinda the one in the wrong here. You shouldn't go through his phone. Him finding other women attractive isn't unusual, it's totally normal, and it doesn't mean he's not happy with you.

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  • Prob not. But I would ask him why he said that. As it makes it looks like he is trying to find a fishing hole. And enticing his friend with hot women when he is single doesn't look good.

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  • Just make sure he knows he can look but can't touch. Asking a guy to not look is basically impossible, as long as you can look too ;)

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  • Oh shit are you his boyfriend? Oh god im so sorry i didn't know he had a girlfriend until we were in my bed at my appartment!!!

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  • Like if he just there to work out and look at their ass I'm kool with that but if he starts making moves and talking to them that a no

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  • Stop looking at your boyfriends messages.

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  • It's just a joke

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  • I'll be honest it makes it sound like he has a fetish. The guys on this thread saying it's just lad culture, I'm sure you wouldn't be too pleased if you found your girlfriend messaging her friend about the hot black guys (for example) she spends time checking out at the gym... lol

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  • So you think he's wrong while you are the one snooping around in his phone? You should be ashamed. If you don't trust him then leave him, you don't invade someones privacy.

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