Do you believe genuinely good people have a more difficult time dating? Why or why not?

  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guys

  • No.

    I don't even understand why it would be more difficult.

    I think people confuse being good, with being naive and/or a pushover.

    Being good simply means that you have empathy for others. You take the other person's feelings into consideration, you want to make the other happy, you want to avoid any harm, however, your own feelings and desires still come first. That doesn't make you a bad person, that's just normal and fair. What matters is that you're honest with your own feelings and intentions. This doesn't make dating harder, it makes dating easier, because you are not deceiving yourself or others.

    Now I get that if you are dishonest you can easily manipulate another person into habving sex but that is not the question. The question is about dating, where in the medium and long term it is always better to be honest, so good people should have an easier time dating.

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  • Yup. Cause like it or not, 1/4+ of dating is associated usually with sexual sort of feelings. And people will do all sorts of stupid selfish shit to feed their sexual greed. Meanwhile the nicer people not so into the sexual aspect, instead of being thought of as a good thing, are bashed relentlessly likely out of jealousy and guilt, because they assumed as either "immature", "lying" or "fake" even though they 100% are not. the nice aspect too is the same thing as being nice these days people assume it's fake and not genuine even though it often is. Meanwhile, people much meaner and more selfish are seen as at least being truthful so therefore, get more positive attention. Why do you think so many people choose now not to date at all? We get sick of dealing with all this. No matter what you do, nobody truly likes anybody unless knowing them for like 10 years, but that's not even possible without giving a chance, yet in order to give a chance, they must have known them for like 10 years. Kinda like the "getting a first job" paradox, where it's an endless cycle of "need experience for job, while needing job for experience" It's often simply not possible. People are just too expectant, yet can't meet the same expectation themselves. Now watch too, if any comments go to this, they will likely label me as a "beta" or a "nice guy" or something like that. But really when did the word nice EVER become a bad thing? If somebody is a "nice guy" they are NOT actually a nice guy. So, why not call em an asshole? Isn't that the appropriate wording? Mixing in "nice" to be equal as "asshole"is awful and shameful. And it's so ironic, cause the ones who do use the whole "nice" thing then also complain about somebody who is mean, or rapes them, or cheats, well, WHY were they ever given a chance knowing they were mean? Why not give somebody who appears friendly the benefit of the doubt that they ARE friendly and have a 50/50 of an asshole than 100% of getting an asshole? Society sucks.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I personally constantly get used because I put their needs before mine and their happiness and well being becomes more important to me than my own, which I begin sacrificing. I used to be really trusting too (I now have trust issues so no more) and that made it really easy for them to lie to me and take advantage of me without me noticing straight away cuz I ‘trust them’. Plus yeah many people will not reciprocate your kindness and care and that can lead to pain and even problems later on - like my trust issues and stopping to want to get close to anyone at all anymore

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    • Is it bad that even in my break ups it put them first? I always hope I do it the best way to not hurt them, but it always does, at least I think. I don't know... I feel like I need to be more selfish 😅 I wouldn't mind if a girl was kinda selfish sometimes, so maybe by behaving so well it puts too much pressure on them. I don't know, but you should really find your worth and know you're priceless, so don't put yourself behind anyone's emotions and find a guy that treats you how you deserve and you want to treat how how he deserves.

    • Thanks for MHO

  • I would like to think I'm a good person and I have no trouble dating. If people have difficulty dating, I don't believe it's because they're a good person, but because they lack something that their dating pool is looking for.

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What Guys Said 151

  • They can be taken Advantage of others, that's true, but they are also preferred Partners for People who really appreciate them, which can be a big Advantage when you meet the Right Person.

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  • From my experience yes, especially in younger people. The stereotype of people wanting the "bad boy/girl" exists for a reason. When a person sits back and thinks about their future significant other, they probably imagine themselves with the typical husband & wife setup with a house and their desired number of children. But when out in the world living life, let's use this scenario for people that are attracted to men. If the same guy in their vision approached them, let's say basically any role by Jason Bateman. While another person that was basically Jon Bernthal in any of his roles approached as well. I beT that 90% of people would go for Jon Bernthal, even though they are aware that the relationship will have a lower chance of success for longevity. It's just chemical reactions really, people like Mr. Bernthal is more desirable in the moment. However, I have noticed this declines with age. The older the person gets, the more likely they are to want to go with a Mr. Bateman type person.

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  • I'm going to assume by genuinely good you mean honest, open, patient and kind. For people who are just naturally that way all the time dating can just be a slower process. That doesn't mean its necessarily harder or easier, just a different set of rules to play by.

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  • The world is full of people who will take and use you for their own gains. Good people are like knives. They are hammered by heart ache constants shoved into painful flames over and over again and then quenched in bullshit. Soon they are hard as nails and so sharp that even getting close you can be cut because for them its difficult to see the good in people after their difficult and long forging process. Some of them along the way break and become ugly bitter people for it.

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    • Some truth to that

    • That’s truthful to an extent, but i know there are some that still remain aright despite their issues and bull crap they face.. I’m known as one of those that went through certain people’s saying of “hell” in that regards... but because i now think more and choose more carefully in what i’m looking for, take time in things before rushing headlong into things too fast, and know who i am/have set my own standards, i feel better off in handling things regardless with whatever i face before and afterwards. Other than using just my heart, i use my head as well and what i’ve seen, heard, learned from myself and others that may have experienced things.

  • I think, ultimately, it depends on the individual.
    I also think it's important to try to be a genuinely good person. Good people are usually happier and more content. That way, if they can't date (for whatever reason), they are comfortable with their own company. ;)

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  • Good people generally tell the truth. The truth is often awkward and doesn’t fit a narrative that effectively seduces a woman in a hook up
    situation. I think bad boys have the advantage because they can tell a story that really intrigues the woman, but none of it is reality/fantasy.

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  • I think a genuinely good person go into a dating situation with more feelings and they expect the same feelings in return. When the feeling aren't reciprocated I think this makes dating more difficult for them.

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  • Their expectations tend to be higher, and simple statistics mean they're going to have a harder time than most finding someone who measures up and is on their level of "good".

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  • Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
    Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
    Everybody knows the war is over
    Everybody knows the good guys lost
    Everybody knows the fight was fixed
    The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
    That's how it goes
    Everybody knows

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  • Yes, and do you know why?

    For girls, you guys are all at home reading books and dating nice guys who are fkn wolfs in sheep's clothing. Doing boring stuff and don't break up early when things felt wrong. You're just too nice then when all the good guys are taken, you're left with street trash so you either have to fight over a man or sit there and hope someone comes.

    Why not get yourself out there more?
    Because i'm surrounded by thots over here

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  • Yes. If you are considerate then you think of others and usually end up not approaching, not seeming assertive enough etc. I don't want to creep a woman out so I don't approach unless she gives me a sign, problem is as far as I can tell women only give you a sign if you approach.

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  • Shy as fuck, wasn't as attractive as some of the womanizers and douchebags, nervous. Take your pick.
    I like to think I'm a pretty nice guy. Fuck I've been told as such by so many people, including my girlfriend.

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  • Well, cause "good people" are crowd pleasers. They don't work on or improve themselves to improve themselves for their own sake, but so that others may like them. This is a bad motivator for goals and may not lead to the grit needed to accomplish great things. Plus, people try to be nice just so that others may like them, even though it isn't good for them. For example, lets say a retail worker has to deal with a customer complaining and demanding a refund on a product, but has no receipt to prove that they purchased the product. The "nice person" would give the refund anyways out of fear that they would be disliked by the customer, even at the expense of costing the company money. This "nice person" eventually gets fired for their actions and usually wonders why they got fired even though they thought they genuinely did the right thing. This can be compared to a relationship, especially if a guy is this way. A woman would not feel secure or protected around this type of guy because if he tries to be nice so that she likes him, it is probable that if others were to interfere with the couple's interest, the guy may give in due to the fear of judgement from others, even at the expense of his partner's interests. This is similar to the company's case, where the partner represents the company or the "bigger picture". Ultimately, it is the reason why people do good things: is it because they feel good themselves because of the action or is it so that others like them for it. This is an indicator that when the going gets tough, the individual's values will not change and their partner can rely on them for that because their values are grounded in the person regardless of what others think of them.

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    • Sounds like you’re describing a “nice”, not a “good” person. I don’t think they’re the same, but I agree with what you said.

    • @jaydtre Yeah, that seems where its going. Otherwise, a genuinely good person shouldn't have a problem dating because they aren't constantly looking to date someone or seeking approval.

  • Yes, I feel like they have less game. They are probably less experienced at it (less breakups).
    Also there is the whole women liking badboys and men liking a demon in the sack.

    I honestly cringe when I see a complete D-bag take a drunk girl home or a guy berate his beautiful SO in public over something minor.

    Maybe that's just me but it seems like nice guys finish last. Good girls get heartbroken.

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  • Simple

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  • Sometimes those we categorize as "nice" fit into the category we know as "people pleasers". They will do nearly anything to please the other- and start a relationship- often to the exclusion of honoring themselves first. However, the receiver of the attention is likely to just shower the attention back to the first- a potential game of one-ups-manship- that may never end ion a true relationship.

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  • The truth is --> Appearances seem to dictate probably around 80-90% of whether someone wants to get involved with you or not. The guy that she masturbates too when she's alone at home... lol

    That guy,... that guy will probably get her lol. Either she bangs him or dates him, she fine with both though 😅

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    • Do girls actually masturbate often though? And wouldn’t they watch porn? Like guys do?

    • @LonelyGuy87 ya they do... a lot... lol... they just like to pretend they don't. They do watch porn yes for sure...
      but they probably have a type lol

  • A "genuinely" good person will have no trouble dating. The problem is that most allegedly good people somehow think that they are entitled to the attention of a specific person or people, which really makes them selfish and manipulative. I see the mentality a lot in the "nice guy" rants.

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  • When i like a girl and act the way i usually act with honesty, patience and willingness to help others i fail to get a date. However, every time i act as a douch*bag i get myself a date...
    Coincidence? I don't think so

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  • I think genuine empathetic people have a harder time. They can come off as too serious and/or too nice. But they also make the other person inadvertently feel insecure because the person feels inferior to other more decent persons values and motives.

    People sabotage good opportunities by turning these people down.

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What Girls Said 71

  • No, I truly don't. I think they have a harder time finding someone as willing to put the same level of kindness they do into the world, but this is usually because people have learned to only give to it to worthy people, or they have been burned.

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  • Expectations. I think people you label as genuinely good may have more longterm expectations which can make things hard in the beginning.

    What it comes down to is that you have to be more strategic in the when, where and whatever if meet ups to try and weed out some guys that simply aren’t looking for the same.

    Like no Saturday night date for a least 4 or 5 dates if you want to be extreme. But you can usually tell off the batt first happy hour at 7pm on Wed if he’s just looking to play the field.

    Some guys are looking for a longterm casual situation and they are the trickier ones.

    I myself have fallen victim to the sunk cost fallacy with these dudes. It’s easy enough, coasting but at some point they just get boring. They aren’t investing any emotion bank after a certain plateau, so you level off and then, for me it’s like I don’t want him at my place 3 times a week. This only happened once, guy owned a nice house in tte suburbs, my condo was edge of downtown so it was just really convenient for him. I travelled and he looked after my dog.

    I started journaling a few years ago and it just helps me check in with myself. That and yoga, if i trust myself I know when something is off.

    I think most people have good intentions but their intentions may not match yours and so you have to really figure out what you want then feel it out as opposed to interviewing people Q & A on a first date.

    I miss first and second dates! Not all of them, but the really good ones and I had more good ones than not so chin up world.

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  • I believe people who are genuine and dont care about image or status have a harder time finding genuine people... people who are about image or status tend to find lots of dates, but their relationships lack sincerity... as do the individuals involved.

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  • Too many people bullshit and screw you over easily. Good people will get eaten alive because there is too much trash out there. It's like a dog eat dog world. No one has morals anymore. They will easily take advantage of you and use you for their enjoyment. Chew you up and spit you out. There are hardly any good people anymore.

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    • Don't make the mistake of thinking that all good people, just will lay down instead of slapping the s*** out of you for trying to f****** over them

    • @sohard46 You don't have to tell me.

  • Depends on what you call good people! There was a guy from university stalking me sending me messages around 11 12 pm talking none stop. even though i kept asnwering his messages every 5 or 6 hour. And when i told him to stop , he was like" OMG i am a very good guy why you girl treat good guys like this " . Being good is one thing being annoying is another thing

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    • Like I said before, people need to stop associating "good" with bad people and call em what they actually are. The guy that stalked you is NOT a good person. He is a stalker, he has obsession, and he is NOT good.

    • I know , and that was my point! Not everyone who says "i'm a good guy and no one appreciates me" doesn't mean they are good!

  • "Genuinely good" people, in my opinion, do have a harder time in the dating pool. They're more naive, less self-guarded. They see the best in people and they usally create bonds easier and faster that guarded people so they're more likely to get their heart broken often times. They also give way too many chances to people who don't deserve them. All in all it might be considered a nice quality to be "genuinely good" but I personally believe it sucks. At least if you're the good one.

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  • Yes, cause good people can be so submissive, they see pass through a person's imperfections. That sometimes when the other just wanna play or isn't really the same thing with what she can offer they neglect them, abuse them and murder all the good things in her. Good people is always the person to get hurt a lot and still accept it... People tend to mistook them as complicated but actually they care the most. People tend to ignore something when they can't afford it.

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  • Wayyyyy easier to date if you are a genuinely good person. People are drawn to genuinely good people. And just genuine people in general. Add a pretty face or gorgeous body to that? You got a knock-out. HOWEVER, truly good people might also be more likely to get taken advantage of, but I doubt it. 'Good' does not mean naïve or a doormat. Just means you are a good human being. You can still be assertive and self-confident even if you are a good person.

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  • They are not as good as they think they are. Some have personality issues but they focusing on the other person's opinion instead of working on themselves.

    I can see plenty of examples around me which relationships are not working for obvious reasons but they don't want to see it even if it is pointed out.

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    • That’s why I used the adjective ‘genuinely’

    • I know 2 people whom some people consider assholes while some consider as good.

      So good and bad are subjective in my opinion

  • Yes, me. Not to be arrogant but I am a good person, I know that, a lot of my close friends say that.

    My problem is I dont play games, neither do I lie if i like someone or not. And i am also not scared to make the first move, and if i like a guy i ask him out, which eventually leads to "oh she is DTF" "She is worthless because she is chasing me" "she is not hard to get" mentality of men that i really have hard time dealing with.

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  • Since you didn't more fully explain what you mean I have no answer, except for...

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  • I don’t know. It come down to if that person is hot. Lol if he not than meh. I don’t think it matter if your good or bad when it comes to relationships anything possible. People who sell drugs and cheat reproduce. Also people who do good in the world also reproduce.

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  • Yes. Good people get taken for granted. They are seen as weak and people take advantage of them. Especially if they are wealthy.

    Good people see the good in people and not the bad. They are optimistic and sometimes fantasize about the good relationship they could potentially have instead of recognizing that some people are just mean and do evil things.

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  • Well it's a myth basically for meme culture...
    But honestly if you are good, you will find someone good and real for sure... and than definitely you ll have a best dating life...

    But the thing is that good people (as the question suggest) are kinda loyal (I mean duh!) Hence, we all kinda try to get something real before going to a relationship, we don't fool around... this is the only reason that we feel that it's really difficult time while dating... because we want our partner to be same!

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  • No. I feel that there are tons of people who are good and have a great time dating.

    I feel like generally unattractive people have a harder time dating.

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  • People think that when you’re nice, you don’t see the bad in anything or you’re stupid.

    Most people don’t want to be told what to do.

    Nice comes from two values :
    Respect and kindness.

    People that will always act that way are rare.

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  • because good people tend to give more chances to their partner. For example me, im very loyal and loves my boyfriend so much and just imagine suddenly when he went back to his country he just got married there... and when he came back he still texted me and video call me and i still accepting him even now cause im so stupid and cause i love him so much... damn im so stupid...

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  • It has for good people to find a good relationship. Have 7 ex bfs they didn’t fit the type of what I was looking for. Two guys did cheated on me. When I got fed up with college. Ask one of my girl as friends to help to find a new boyfriend and she did. Met my current boyfriend on Facebook.

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  • Part of me feel like they are taken advantage and part of me feel like that people don't see them as dating people more like friends.

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  • Yes and no. It kind of depends. If you’re a good person and you’re lucky, you might end up with the person you love. If not they might just walk all over you/take you for granted. Everybody likes a nice person, but you should also be kind of careful

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