How to choose from two men?

So there are two men in my life currently, W and J

I met W this July and we had sex the first night we met.

hes in the army and we've been having on and off communication.

hes a divorcee with a child back in the states and he's currently deployed, he's contract is ending in 2011.

hes been through a lot and he was emotionally unavailble for the first few months, so I cut contacts with him telling him its not gna work.,

but I really missed him and called him back and he and I are now somewhat considering of more serious stuff like dating. he even had like plans for how he wants me to move back to the states with him and stuff.

however, I am a christian and he is an atheist. also, he drinks A LOT and smokes.

and the biggest thing that concerns me is that he likes the idea of threesome or swapping partners.

and I'm not quite comfortable with the idea.

the other guy, J, is a sailor.

he found me through a penpal website and we had been talking for few months almost everyday via skype. I can honestly say I have talked to J more than I have talked to W for the past 6months!

J and I have never met, we started off as friends and when I was going through hard time after ending stuff with W he was there to support me. Then we fell for each other and been talking. We haven't talked all that much for 2weeks after some misunderstanding and that's when I contacted W.. anyhow I just talked to J and he says he wants to make things work, although its gna be hard since its a long distance relationship, lets see how we can deal with it, that's what he said.

J on the other hand is a Christian, very straight about his philosophy and goals and he appreciates me a lot and I really don't mind all the waiting for him because he somewhat feels like a soul mate to me!

so NOW I am in a dilemma which guy I should choose from, I don't want to hurt any1 and I just don't know who is the person that I want to be with! I was gna let W go in the first place because of his messy past that I kinda felt burdened to deal with but hearing all the things he's been through makes me want to comfort him and heal him. and J on the other hand is a perfect person that I have been dreaming of but he's gna be in the navy for the next 5 years at least and its always gna be long distance with him.



Most Helpful Girl

  • In my opinion, I think J seems like the better guy. I am a Christian and I know I also don't want a guy who smokes and drinks. If you do choose W, I think it might be hard because of all the things he does, you don't do. You also said you don't feel comfortable moving to the states. His past and what he wants in a relationship if stuff you don't want. As for J, he seems like he actually wants a full relationship and if you are willing to go through with it, I think it will work itself out. I've also learned that even if you get peoples opinions, it's not going to matter what they say because you are going to follow what you want to do. Good luck.

    • I agree with you on that. Myself as a Christian who wants to live life according to the way of the Lord, it would be difficult to put up with a guy like W. Also, he is strongly against religion.

      I have been talking to J and I think he is the right choice. And I think I might as well end it with W. I have no idea where to begin though, wish me luck!

    • Good Luck! Also people do say that you should date someone who has the same religion as you. You will have the same values and such. I am so contradicting myself because I like this guy who I?m not sure of his religion. He may have one but is not that into it. Anyway...J is definitely the better choice!

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What Girls Said 1

  • Honestly I think both of them are not a good match. Find someone new. They are both going to be long distance. You guys will hardly be able to really know eachothers habits, attitudes, lifestyle by the little time you guys spend together. I think picking the person that has the same values, lifestyle, morals, wants, ambitions, etc will work out. Goodluck!

    • is long distance relationship really hard as everybody says?

      i've never been in one and I wonder how it is!

    • The distance will make things difficult cause you can't be with them physically, and when you do see them, and then leave. You'll wish you were still with them. Arguments might occur cause you want to be with them, but you can't be with them, so you feel like your not a couple. Also there could be trust issues. It gets expensive to see each other airplane tickets, gas, long distance calls, etc.

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