Could you date someone with a kid?

Hi y’all. So my boyfriend and I have a child from previous relationships. We both have never dated someone with a kid. We’ve been together for 2 years now and we now have one of our own.
At times though I do find myself getting jealous. Like when he has to go do something for her or when her mom needs him to go run these errands and take their daughter places. I know it sounds stupid but I can’t help it. They are cordial unlike my daughter dad and I. And I just can’t help but feel jealous and keep that trust with us strong since they been over for like 5 years.

Would you guys date someone with another kid?
What would be the hardest thing?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • if I had one, then I shouldn't be too picky if the girl actually has one herself. Would be shitty from me actually.

    Now given that I do not have a child, it all depends on the girl and how attached she is to her child. In the end I believe it would be just "dating" for the experience and for me liking the girl a lot, but I wouldn't marry. Not sure. Wasn't there yet. On the other hand, it wouldn't mean that I wouldn't treat the girl right.

    One more thing in my decision to date, would be If the child is the only reason she lives at this moment in her life. If she doesn't care much about herself and rather talks about her child and everything is about her child, then dating would be a mistake from my side. Everything would revolve around the child and I wouldn't get much as a partner, yet it would be expected from me to be a gentleman for the lady and her child.

    Doesn't seem a fair exchange in that situation.

    There is this girl with a child that I know and for a while I did not even know she had one.
    This is how discreet she was about her private life. When I found out I kind of appreciated her more because she was able to juggle work, social life and child and though she sometimes had to change plans due to the child, she wasn't obsessively bringing the child up in the conversations.

    That girl is someone I would definitely date.

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  • It's probably easier for him, than it is for you, since his child is shared between him and his ex. I assume, that you raise your's on your own, without involvement from your ex.

    I always say, that it can be even better to raise a child, that's not your own, since you have to put in more effort to establish a connection with him/her and that connection will then be more valuable to you. In your case it becomes more complicated, since the biological mother is still around. But I think the rule still applies, there's just a limit how close you can get. You are probably going to make good friends with him/her at best.

    It's probably much easyer mentally for your man, because for a man it makes sense to just take care of all the women and children in his life.

    If you keep in contact with your ex and he takes care of your mutual child and sees him/her frequently, well that just feels out of controll.

    Anyway the best thing is to just try and be on good terms with everymone, no other way. It's kind of like an extended family. Mabie all of you will ine day come to see it that way. What else can you do? There's a lot of compromises involved, but you have to make them at least for the children. Because if you are in conflict with the other mothers and fathers in their lives, they will be in internal conflict and that might hinder their development.

    Think of it as a challenge to build a small platonic utopia. It will never be ideal, but you don't have the right to quit. That's life.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Diverse and blended families are not always the easiest. It's hard sometimes to fully love and embrace the circumstances life has given you. Coming from a blended and complex family where I was raised by my step dad full time by the age of 9 after my biological mum had passed. Having my step dad as the main guardian for both my brother and I, plus my step brother was quite interesting. I had met my step brother's mother on several occasions and there was even a time she watched us kids when my step dad had to be at the hospital with my mum when she had surgery.

    It really all depends on the maturity and respect between all relationships.

    Personally for me, I believe I could date someone with a child as long as he didn't compare me to his child's mother and as long as he's open to me building a relationship with his child if she/he lived with us also.

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  • Yes i could. I love children. His child is part of him. S/he is his life , and if i grew to love him, i'd grow to love his child too. I'd understand and accept his child would be priority. I wouldn't want it any other way , coz i'd always put my own children before anyone else as well

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What Guys Said 98

  • It's tough to have a blended family like this. Everyone getting along would be the most difficult part (by "everyone", I also mean the other parents).

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  • I would and have. I used to be engaged. When i met her she was already pregnant. Baby daddy took off with another woman. I still consider her son my own. The hardest part for me was that in my heart i knew he was never my flesh and blood. The other hard part was having to discipline him. Not being his dad was tought but I didn't feel right disciplining him.

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  • Yes, I have. I married her. We are friends with her ex. He's a terrible husband, but really great to hang out with as a buddy.

    Expand your horizons a bit. Maybe you should try to be friends with your ex. After all, if you have to be around them for the kid's sake, you might as well try to make it enjoyable, right?

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  • Hey, it's a lot of added pressure and work in a complex dynamic. Lots of people can't handle it, and nothing wrong with that. Taking on someone else's kid is going well above and beyond anyone's call of duty. That said, you both got one, so it's a fair trade off responsibility-wise.

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  • I definitely would cause I had a vasectomy on my 18th birthday (too many family defects in the blood) and I would only have a problem if the ex tries coming back into the picture and keeps leaving after a few weeks

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  • I would date someone with a kid. In a way at times I can be a kid at heart. I'd have to learn to watch my language at certain times, but all in all I'd be fine. The only worry I'd have is if the ex came back in her life as possibly getting back together. That would be the fear. I understand he's the father and that, if he's a good father, there's things he'd want to do and spend time with his child. It's the thought that he could end up back for good and myself out.

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  • It's not that hard to date someone with a kid or two. They need to make sure that there is a babysitter or if the other parent isn't a deadbeat. Start dating on the weekends that the child is with the other parent. If you want the relationship to move forward, then you needto start looking at family type outings. Dating as or dating a single parent takes some serious thought and it definitely isn't for everybody.

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  • Wouldn't be an issue for me, in fact i've done it (single mum of 3). Main thing is not to involve kids too early, make sure you actually have a relationship before they are introduced. Takes time. In my case, for her reasons she ended it before we got to that stage

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  • I'm a single dad and know the vast majority women would never date me , but fortunately I no longer want to date , the marriage I ended has put me totally off any relationships. The child will always come far before the partner , most people would not be keen on dating someone with children for that reason.

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  • It should be an absolute no for another male to date another mans woman who has this other mans sperm walking around. It is the ultimate insult and cuck move for a beta to talk on another mans responsibility. But nowadays cucks are the only ones with women.

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What Girls Said 49

  • Nope. I don’t want to be bothered with kids outside of my job lol. I teach 140 a day. I want my time for ME.

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  • Not personally.

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  • it's understandable that you feel that way sometimes but just remember he does love you but his kid will always be a priority. Are you more jealous bc he is still dealing so closely with his ex? If that's the case, then you need to talk to him if you are feeling insecure about his relationship with her. Just remember his life is with you now and you guys have your own child together too. As his other child gets older, he won't need to directly deal with his ex but just with his kid.

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  • Hats off to anyone who can! I couldn't do it. Said this on a different thread but basically it would be dependent on how the relationship between the child's mother is with the father, cause if they're young they might start calling me mum (which I wouldn't encourage) but I'd maybe get blamed for. That's one big reason I couldn't.

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  • No. The kid will get in the way. It will never be me and him. We would always be in servitude and i will get thirdwheeled. I will have to deal with whatever the kids does. If the kid dont like me, then i will be dumped.

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  • Never. I don't want children, let alone take care of ones which aren't even my own. Also as selfish as it sounds, I would hate knowing I would never come first with him (and rightfully so as a child should be top priority) and the constant contact with his ex.

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  • Not at my age, I think you have to be very immature and responsible to take on someone else's child. Maybe if I had a kid of my mine own and I was over 30 I'd be more open to it and I'd take the child in and treat it as my own.

    I have a older friend right now who has a daughter of his own and his dating a woman with a young daughter as well and I've never seen him so happy there like a proper little family.

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  • No. I can't imagine dating someone with a kid and I don't think I could really love someone who had a kid from a previous relationship.
    I think as a single person, I deserve to be the number 1 priority in my partner's life for a while at least. And a child from a previous relationship is a burden to our relationship.
    I don't mind grown up, independent kids who live on their own though. But there aren't many guys my age who have grown up kids yet.

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  • Yes I would and have, the hardest part of it is normally the jealousy of the previous partner but you need to reassure yourself of his responsibilities as a father and you need to be honest with him about your feelings, he will be able to help you maintain your sanity during these moments

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  • It kinda sounds like you wish you had a friendship of sorts with your ex as well and ultimately for the kids it would be best to get over the jealousy and befriend your ex and his ex as well so to coparent properly and give the kids a good example

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