At times though I do find myself getting jealous. Like when he has to go do something for her or when her mom needs him to go run these errands and take their daughter places. I know it sounds stupid but I can’t help it. They are cordial unlike my daughter dad and I. And I just can’t help but feel jealous and keep that trust with us strong since they been over for like 5 years.
Would you guys date someone with another kid?
What would be the hardest thing?
Most Helpful Guys
if I had one, then I shouldn't be too picky if the girl actually has one herself. Would be shitty from me actually.
Now given that I do not have a child, it all depends on the girl and how attached she is to her child. In the end I believe it would be just "dating" for the experience and for me liking the girl a lot, but I wouldn't marry. Not sure. Wasn't there yet. On the other hand, it wouldn't mean that I wouldn't treat the girl right.
One more thing in my decision to date, would be If the child is the only reason she lives at this moment in her life. If she doesn't care much about herself and rather talks about her child and everything is about her child, then dating would be a mistake from my side. Everything would revolve around the child and I wouldn't get much as a partner, yet it would be expected from me to be a gentleman for the lady and her child.
Doesn't seem a fair exchange in that situation.
There is this girl with a child that I know and for a while I did not even know she had one.
This is how discreet she was about her private life. When I found out I kind of appreciated her more because she was able to juggle work, social life and child and though she sometimes had to change plans due to the child, she wasn't obsessively bringing the child up in the conversations.
That girl is someone I would definitely date.
It's probably easier for him, than it is for you, since his child is shared between him and his ex. I assume, that you raise your's on your own, without involvement from your ex.
I always say, that it can be even better to raise a child, that's not your own, since you have to put in more effort to establish a connection with him/her and that connection will then be more valuable to you. In your case it becomes more complicated, since the biological mother is still around. But I think the rule still applies, there's just a limit how close you can get. You are probably going to make good friends with him/her at best.
It's probably much easyer mentally for your man, because for a man it makes sense to just take care of all the women and children in his life.
If you keep in contact with your ex and he takes care of your mutual child and sees him/her frequently, well that just feels out of controll.
Anyway the best thing is to just try and be on good terms with everymone, no other way. It's kind of like an extended family. Mabie all of you will ine day come to see it that way. What else can you do? There's a lot of compromises involved, but you have to make them at least for the children. Because if you are in conflict with the other mothers and fathers in their lives, they will be in internal conflict and that might hinder their development.
Think of it as a challenge to build a small platonic utopia. It will never be ideal, but you don't have the right to quit. That's life.
Most Helpful Girls
Diverse and blended families are not always the easiest. It's hard sometimes to fully love and embrace the circumstances life has given you. Coming from a blended and complex family where I was raised by my step dad full time by the age of 9 after my biological mum had passed. Having my step dad as the main guardian for both my brother and I, plus my step brother was quite interesting. I had met my step brother's mother on several occasions and there was even a time she watched us kids when my step dad had to be at the hospital with my mum when she had surgery.
It really all depends on the maturity and respect between all relationships.
Personally for me, I believe I could date someone with a child as long as he didn't compare me to his child's mother and as long as he's open to me building a relationship with his child if she/he lived with us also.