Is a *defined* break worth it?

I have been close friends with my boyfriend for sevenish years, and we’ve dated for a little over two. Recently, he got back from a long trip and was acting cold. I pushed to know why he was being like that. I called him out on not being honest with me on important things in our relationship, and ignoring problems instead of dealing with them.

He told me he was lost in life, he didn’t know what he wanted except that he wanted to be with me. Which I thought was sweet until he said he was not sure if he was mature enough to be in a relationship because he's afraid of commitment.

I’ve been told (and am aware) that I am definitely more mature than him, and I could not fathom the stupidity of the scare of commitment since we’ve been together for two years. I understand where he’s coming from when he needs to find himself and is always comparing himself to me since I’m on track for graduating in a few years, he has yet to consider even going back to school, and works under me (I’m a manager where we work).

I have told him I can give him space or we can break up, and I laid out for him what I needed the break to be. I personally do not believe in breaks, but I don’t want to let him go. He did say he wanted to be with me, but he seems to need to grow up and needs to do that without my aid. He doesn’t want to be officially with me but doesn’t want to lose me, either. I don’t want to be a backup plan, but I know I am willing to wait if all he needs is personal growth. And yes, I told him if he finds another girl while we’re on break he needs to tell me so I can let go of him - he knows as well as I do that its a possibility we won’t love each other anymore if we part in a break.

I’ve read breaks aren’t worth it, and I know I am so biased in hoping just this one will be. Am I just setting myself up to be hurt, or is it worth the break since terms have been set with all possibilities on table?
Updates:
Break terms was to simply be friends, no benefits, and that any relationship that develops would be considered cheating without telling the other. It is understood that I will not interfere with any relations that do grow, and that the break really is just a chance for him to be alone and grow up without the commitment of me.

He was given the chance of promotion but didn’t take. I have told him I don’t care but I don’t know how long I can wait for an answer before I’m just heartbroken lol

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Not sure... I mean if he is going through a rough patch and is saying all of this because he feels like he isn't good enough for you, I would suggest that you find ways to boost his confidence and show him that you don't care that he is struggling right now because you know that after the struggling he will be a stronger person for it and you want to be there to support him.
    If he himself doesn't want that and wants to have a journey by himself to grow and learn more about himself, then well you gotta give him what he wants even if you know it could potentially separate you two.
    But to me, for some reason... it just seems like he's having a tough time being your shadow and not being someone you can be proud of. He might be scared of commitment only for the fact that he knows he isn't mature enough for u... if you have been told that and are aware that he isn't as mature as you, then he's most likely been told and teased about how you are smarter, hard worker etc... all the things he prolly feels like he should be.
    But in the end I would trust ur gut in the matter, u obviously know him for 9 years and know what hidden meanings he has behind his words.
    If he really loves you and wants to be with you, a break would prolly either make him feel even lonelier and if he doesn't know how to deal with that... he might end up making a mistake.
    If be curious to know how you guys defined the break.

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    • The part about the "he doesn't want to officially be with me but he doesn't want to lose me either" makes me think of a friend that had a similar experience when her boyfriend and her became university students (they've also been close friends since childhood) and the guy also broke up because he wanted to explore the life that his other friends in uni had.
      It was quite annoying to hear, because i just don't understand why guys think that they will get satisfaction from partying and endless sex. They already have such an amazing relationship and connection with someone, that so many of the single guys are hoping to find. Honestly sometimes I feel like some humans are never happy

    • Your terms for the break sound legit, and you are right, he needs to decide because it's not fun being strung along

      Thanks for MHO 🤗

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What Guys Said 4

  • He probably just wants to explore his sexuality. If you're okay with that, take the break, but realize that he may well develop a relationship with someone else.

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  • Breaks are not a thing. They are an excuse to fuck someone else.

    If something is wrong in the relationship, it has to be talked out. Talked, not argued. You fight because you care and need things to improve

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  • Look actually some of. we are guys. maybe descide fast sometimes about relationship.. beside you said u are manger at the place he work in.. that means there is no balance between in job position.. in addition too its hard for us as men to see our loved girlfriend or wives has higher job position.. it must the same position or the man has higher position.. so ur boyfriend afraid to be promoted someday beacause of u ( just because he is ur bf) so he want build up himself has a higher position but not with your aid.. but actually he could have done it without breaking up..
    He is just confused maybe he will be back after he feel he lost you.. and then he will grow up and be more mature when he work on himself so hard.. and u can help him by giving him some hints..

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  • Yes it is

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What Girls Said 1

  • Yes it would be good for you both to find more of your self

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