Are girls turned off by inexperience/lack of a dating history?

I'm currently 19 years old and never had a girlfriend (I just didn't care that much all my life). While I still haven't found any girl I'm interested in, I've come to realize how odd my record seems. I'm starting to think I fucked up my chances of dating anyone I'm actually attracted to cause of my inexperience at my age.

I always believed you needed women to be attracted to you for other women to be attracted to you to demonstrate preselection and social proof; similar to the saying "you need money to get money". To use an analogy, I'm starting to think a guy trying to get a girlfriend without any dating experience is like a cancer patient trying to get health insurance.

Girls, how much of a deal is dating experience to you? Can it be a deal breaker?

Guys, I'd also like to know what you think. I'd also like to know if anyone has ever been in the same situation as me.

I know it's a pretty radical thought, but it's just something I've been thinking off for a while. Thanks!

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Not a deal breaker At. All!
    If a girl thinks it is, she is only thinking of sex or something and isn't really being serious about the prospect of knowing you for who you are as a living breathing intelligible, emotional, physical human being. So da hell with her!
    in my opinion, it can only ever be seen as a good thing, a huge compliment to any girl you do indeed feel the desire to get to know and have feelings towards. To me, (and given your reasons for not being in a previous relationship) I would almost favour it because it shows you value a partner for all the right reasons, and that you aren't a playboy or just looking for the physical.
    The whole aspect of "preselection and social proof" isn't really true in terms of finding a true partner. Maybe people that still value popularity after leaving highschool, but in the real world there are so many different personalities and shy/quiet people don't always shine brightly inna sea of noise. So they aren't always noticed, and hence ladies don't all go crazy over them unless they are attracted to their physical appearance that's blatantly flagging them from the crowd.
    You want a girl that will like you for you, so no matter what, she shouldn't care what others think anyhow and should really be intrigued with who you are and not how others see you. On the contrary, as a shy girl (but not quiet lol) I tend to not approach guys that are popular amongst the ladies... I feel like when girls constantly talk a guy up, my mind automatically thinks he gets all the girls and is a potential play boy (Its a bias I have that I try not to let rule over my decisions but it is in the end how I initially percieve the situation).
    by the way I'm 25 and have never been in a real relationship either (just an online one)
    Sooo I think it's safe to say that I know what you mean, it was hard for me to find anyone I was interested in and could trust, and even when I did enter a relationship it wasn't even a good match and I was hesitant to even begin it (but I did for the sake of experience)
    So don't let age or experience affect your confidence. It's nothing to be ashamed of or even worried about, it is what it is and life gives us all different experiences and opportunities. Otherwise, life would be boring lol.
    Don't let the status quo of society's view on dating rule your life, tread on with your comfort level and enjoy experiences that will improve you as a person until you meet that special person you will want to enter a relationship with.

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    • I’m 21 and I have the same problem as the OP. I never been in a relationship and I have heard of the “social proof” theory so it made me worried thinking no woman is ever going to want me and that I wasted my high school years. But reading your comment made me feel a lot more confident. Now that I think about it, I don’t think any girl is going to ask “how many girlfriends have you had?” to see how valuable you are and we all start out single and no relationship experience anyways. So if we’re going by the “social proof” that would mean that 100% of women will find 100% of men undesirable. No existing man has a chance lol. In the end is all about confidence.

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    • Don't worry about spamming 😂 Your replies were pretty insightful and I enjoyed reading them

    • @Asker well I’m not in a relationship myself... yet lol but I do have a friend who has a nice girlfriend and he’s pretty introverted. He doesn’t have that many friends but he knows how to communicate with people and he always has the most interesting things to say. I guess that’s why his girlfriend likes him so much. She’s sees potential in him and he proves how he has potential.

  • It depends on how mature you are. Many girls just don’t want to be bothered of taking responsibility of ‘teaching’ you things. Like you’d probably need some guidance in some things (not even talking about anything intimate but just the way you should take care of a girl etc) and a lot of girls want to be guided themselves.

    But that doesn’t mean girls are attracted to more ‘experienced’ men. If a girl likes you a lot, she doesn’t care about anything above

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    • I'm assuming you're talking about guys who get way to attached to their first. I've heard a girl friend tell me about that (The story wasn't about me though. Lol). I guess the takeaway from this is don't give up your world for a girl

    • Nope, it’s not about getting attached, it’s about reading another person’s emotions, what actions towards them are acceptable and what not

Most Helpful Guys

  • In this point in life, anything is possible. What you have to rmemeber is to be genuine, unique and special to the girl in your own way. When I had my first date at 23, you’d be surprised at how these girls never had the door or chair pulled for them. I tried to Mimmick the cool guys on tv, and it worked. Be confident, don’t care if you don’t have experience or sex. Girls go for people that interest them on a whole new level, not just having 999 girlfriends, because the more break ups you had kind of says that you suck at relationships for not keeping them. I might be wrong, but this is what I think. Just be smooth, funny in your own way and let the girl see the real you, not a facade or a mask.

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    • 23? Did she know she was your first? If she did, how did she react to that?

      Good job though. Happy for you man

    • From what I remember, I don’t think she knew about that and I never spoke about it. She was just appreciative of the fact that I knew how to treat her well. She was genuinely surprised at how gentlemanly I was

  • It's not too late. But you have to up your game, and your attractiveness. You need three things:
    Looks
    Money
    Confidence. Irrational confidence.

    So work your hardest at 1 and 2, and 3 will come through the effort. Hit the gym, hard, muscle up, and make a ton of dough. You'll be fighting them off.

    Women are looking for a guy that's actually going someplace and being someone. So just be awesome and one will happen along that wants to hitch their life to yours. Don't be in a hurry, choose wisely.

    And always remember, YOU ARE THE PRIZE! So act like it. Women will come and go, but a REAL MAN is a prize to behold.

    So get busy... you have a lot of work to do.

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    • I get why you gave such advice, but I think you have a completely different mental image of me. Lol.

      I'm not one of these nerds who don't shower and live in their parents' basement playing World of Warcraft and living on junk food. Quite the opposite.

      I don't wanna sound cocky but I need to give out information. I've always been considered attractive by people around me, who openly tell me. I'm also the type to have 5-day workout routines in the gym, which I combine with heavy bag and speed bad training (Yeah. I box too). To add to that, all my cars are Mercedez Benzes, so aesthetic isn't really an issue for me.

      As for stepping up my game, I think that advice applies to me; especially since it's the only real explanation I can think of for why I'm in this situation.

      Anyway, thanks for replying!

    • Excellent. Then you're half way there.
      Go here and read: www.therationalmale.com

      And the fact that you've improved yourself instead of chasing pussy, will put you on top in the end. You'll see.

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What Girls Said 25

  • Inexperience itself is definitely NOT a turn off, at least not for me. However, it's how you feel about your own inexperience that will determine how girls will react. If you view it as baggage and it makes you insecure, girls will absolutely be turned off by it.

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    • I get you. I generally avoid the topic but try answering like I don't care when people ask

  • I dated a guy with no experience once and it was the absolute worst he didn't know what to do in a relationship, how to act or treat a woman. Im not mad tho he was VERY nervous and did try in his own way. But dating someone with no experience is something i don't think i could do again.

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    • Not always true. I never been in a relationship but I know I’ll do my best to make the next move.

    • You mind if I ask what you mean by "didn't know what to do in a relationship"? Seems like some guys in here might learn from this

  • 19 isn't that old to not have a dating history. But if it continues in, you'll find that women will become less and less interested. It's automatically assumed that a guy or girl at an advanced age who hasn't dated at all has something wrong with them.

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    • What are your thoughts on guys 21 years old with no dating experience?

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    • That really isn’t fair though because some guys probably just lucked out or are focusing on their career and studies so they don’t have time to be in a relationship. You can have no experience and still do a good job in relationships.

    • @BraveHeart97 I'm not saying that you can't be in a good relationship even if it's your first and you're older when it happens. I'm saying that the stigma is there. If you've never dated, the older you get the more often women will assume it's because you're flawed in some way.

  • This is not a problem at all (my personal opinion) so no it’s not a deal breaker. In fact I personally would feel happier with my partner to have less experience mainly because I would want to learn with my partner.🤷🏼‍♀️

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  • its actually totally normal
    a lot of people lack experience just lie about it
    many girls including myself respect you more for waiting for a right girl than having any girlfriend and losing your virginity and just for the sake of it

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  • No not at all. Sometimes its a good thing. I've only had 1 boyfriend so 🤷

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  • It wouldn't be an issue for me as long as he tried to be a good boyfriend and learn how to communicate well in a relationship. I don't think most girls will see that as a deal breaker

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    • *Plot twist* the girl doesn’t know how to communicate in the relationship 😂😂

  • I can't speak for all girls, but to me, it doesn't matter at all, in fact, a guy who hasn't dated much is sometimes more appealing, as if you've been in loads of relationships by the time you're 19, that also means you've had that many breakups, and surely that can say more about a person.. Just my thoughts

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    • When did dating and realtionships become the same thing? Dating comes before relationship, i always thought there was a reason people say "were dating" or "were in a relationship". Dating speaks to a persons experience and security with the other gender especially in the early stages before they know eachother, relationship is another thing as the early stages was just a small part of it. So just because a person has dated a lot doesn't mean theyve had a lot of break ups. It can however mean they have commitment issues etc. But my experience is that its always a plus having (alot of) experience with dating for both genders as it shows the person is mature enough to hang with one of the opposite gender and explore eachother, not to mention has some sort of idea what theyre

    • after. No matter what gals say its always and i mean always a turn off to some degree with a guy with lack of experience. Im not saying it always results in bad date (s), which i think you're saying too. But its always to some degree a little turn off when you learn about it unless you're already on a date and it going well

  • I think if a woman knows this is all new for you, she will generally try to be understanding and help you learn.

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  • No, because then we can train them the way we want.

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  • I like guys with experience and confidence. So ya I think.

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    • Lol alright. Thanks for not giving a feel-good BS answer

  • It's not that radical. I'm in a similar position. While I've had interactions and "relationships" with guys, I've never been anyone's girlfriend, and I'm 21 and I do notice a weird reaction on guys when they learn I haven't had a relationship per say. But I do have experience in dating. It's important you acquire experience. Not necesarily be in a relationship and it wouldn't be a turn off for me that you have little to no experience, but you do need to have self confidence and a good attitude, and unfortunately you can only get that through experience. So date girls even if you are not that into them just so you can see how the dating world works. Just experiment, so when you do find someone you really like, you don't get too nervous and make a mistake asking her out or during the date. But the truth is, as long as you are confident or act confident, you'll go a long way.

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  • of course it's not a deal breaker. You're only 19, i'm 20 and i've never even liked anyone like that.

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  • The only bad thing i could think of is immaturity if you haven't been with a lot of girls and are a mature adult then your fine

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  • I'm not, I'm my boyfriends first girlfriend and he's doing pretty well.

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  • I think its not a dealbraker and to some of us its not a big deal my best friend is 17 and is also the guy I like and he has never had a girl friend and I'm completely ok with it

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  • No experience is required just good efforts and genuine feelings

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  • I'm not turned off. I'm old enough to be your mom, that's true, but I'd be interested.

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  • I'm not I would actually slightly prefer it that way

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  • I don't think inexperience is a bad thing. Everyone has to start somewhere!

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What Guys Said 19

  • Haven't been in that Position, but I think inexperience at 19 is not a dealbreaker. Just be sure not to be too picky.

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  • At your age I thought the same thing. And I was right. Getting laid is easy, you just have to be rude, loud and aggressive. The relationship thing, which is what I think you really want... Can't help you there. Just lie your ass off about it would be the most practical advice. Every time I've told women about my experience (I'm honest, no sense in lying I figure, it'll come to light eventually), that was the last thing they needed to know about me.

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  • I'm nineteen and got my first girlfriend 4 months ago. I told her from the begging that I was completely inexperienced and she accepted it. A few days ago we discussed our first date and she told me that she was really turned on by the fact that she was my first ever, so it really depends on the girl

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  • Bro, it’s not that big of a deal. However if you make it so, girls will catch that vibe. Not because of your inexperience but because of how INSECURE you are about your inexperience. Just be confident and don’t worry about it. Some girls actually prefer a guy whose had no experience. As for the social proof, that only applies to people who get along with other people. If you can do that you’re all set.

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  • My first relationship happened in college when I was 19. I lost my virginity and fell in love for the first time at 19. Find the right girl and you will be OK, don't sweat it.

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  • So girls might like it cuz they may think it means you aren't a player or fuck boy but for others you are probably right about have money to make money.

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  • As life expectancy increases the normal stages of life increase. So the past social norms are being distorted in our life time.

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  • ask ur very close friends about how they dated a girl create experience then go for it i think that is the best way to learn how to get a a girlfriend

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  • At 19 you have no reason to worry about this. Do you think you'd be ever able to carpet bomb the entire female population of town at that age?

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  • Nah man all you need is confidence an absurd irrational confidence bordering on egotistical cockiness

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  • Lol if it is like that, then I'll stay single forever.

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  • Dont worry about it man some of my friends are like that and their fine with it

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  • You are still young. How much experience do you want at only 19

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  • They say no but they are... get a fake wedding band to put on your finger and watch how they swarm

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  • I've been laughed at and gotten weird looks cause I've never dated.

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  • All girls care about are abs and a LOT of money. If you have those two things, you can get a girl

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  • 22 and still counting my dude

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  • Your overthinking this just live your life

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  • You better hurry.
    I’m 23 and have 0 experience.

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