What do guys really want?

So I'm pretty puzzled about guys lately. I thought as I approach my 30s they would make more sense. I'm still as lost as ever. Can anyone give some basic tips about signs when a guy just wants to "be casual" vs when he is actually serious? Because I just misunderstood a guy recently because he threw out all this relationship talk and plans for the future but then he said he wasn't ready for a relationship.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think that flip flopping crap happens at every age. Let me answer your question like this: it's all about the context to what he's in touch with you about.

    Casual: "Hey Monica, do you want to grab drinks later?" It's a short term plan, it gives him a chance to interact with you on a quick and seemingly meaningful level, where your guard will be a little bit lower than it might be otherwise. But you'll note how the way he's interacting with you isn't about YOU it's about having drinks, with a woman who happens to be you.
    -VS-
    Committed: "Hey Monica, I saw an ad for a Jazz concert happening at such-and-so park tomorrow night, and my wine collection is just getting too big for my kitchen. If only someone could help me free up some space..."

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What Guys Said 4

  • In general relationships aren't taken seriously by either gender anymore. So there is this knee jerk instinct to build a relationship but when the reality of the sacrifices set in neither really want it. If you think you want a relationship it might be an emotional reflex that is not substantiated by sacrifices that you would have to make and therefor a "guy" won't take you serious. You probably don't project a woman serious about a relationship and therefor you attract non-serious types.

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    • I think that's only true in some cases. There are plenty of people looking for something serious but the other person can't commit

    • I think you might have just glanced over the "sacrifices" part. Most are not willing to do that per our leased-temporary culture. They just think they want to.

  • Some men are like what you described, and I can't speak on anyone's behalf, but I can speak for myself. What I really want is a serious relationship. If I come at a woman, I come at her with the intent of being serious. All cards on the table from the jump. No tricks up my sleeve. Because I don't want to waste my time or theirs. Games are what kids play. I'm a grown man.

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  • You make us out to be more difficult than need be, because, women themselves, DONT KNOW WHAT THEY WANT

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  • Guys are incredibly simple creatures. If we don't make sense you overthink it.

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    • I can't give you any advice on signs when guys want to "be casual", as you put it, but I wanted to tell you the above nonetheless.

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    • And yes actually... Not saying what your intentions are is actually misleading. It's not cool.

    • So some guys are getting into lasting relationships shortly after breaking up with the previous partner. Therefore what? The specific guy in question should be able to? You don't quite seem to understand this, so I'll say it loud, clearly and slowly: H-U-M-A-N-S A-R-E A-L-L D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T

      Secondly, stage fright ≠ messing around. You can't quite seem to trap how to human, dickhead.

      Lastly, what if a person's intention was genuinely to get into a relationship and only after two and a half weeks the person's psyche prohibited that? Not, that is definitionally not misleading about intentions. If you can't understand that such persons exist, then maybe you should go see a shrink.

What Girls Said 2

  • A lot of guys these days just want to play games.

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    • Yeah totally seems like it. But then I have friends and coworkers that are getting married or been in a long relationship. It just confuses me.

  • V to the A to the G I N A

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