What should I do in this crazy situation?

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost a year, however a few months ago one of her close friends raped her, and she doesn't want to tell anyone, I want to try finding help but I made a promise that she will go find help when she is ready. From then we have had our first fight and a few others because I've become protective, trying to stop from anything happening again, what should I do, because I trust her, and want to be there, but our relationship is falling apart now.


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  • By being protective, you are likely ruining the relationship. You can't act too protective, that is, too much more protective than she is willing to accept, or she will feel smothered and caged. She is also harming the relationship by not getting help. You don't say anything about how she is doing, how the rape is effecting, or not effecting, her and the relationship.

    • She doesn't talk about it, she won't even talk to her family about it, even tho the man is a family friend, our relationship was very good, however since I've been clearly responding wrong it's been tough, so I just want to figure out what to do to keep our relationship going and to have it be healthier

    • If she won't talk about it, then talk about what is happening in the relationship. You've been very vague about what the specific problems are in the relationship, so it's difficult to say much.

  • That is a crazy situation. You know she's mentally unstable right now, so don't necessarily take everything you guys fight over to heart. I completely understand why you're so protective, but maybe back off a little if you can. Everyone needs their space, especially someone in a situation like that.

    But this isn't something anyone online is qualified to answer. It's serious. If she's unwilling to find help, then maybe you should go and talk to a hotline or whatever and ask how you can help her.

    Best of luck to you and your girlfriend dude. I was very close to a girl who was raped, although it was before I met her and she wasn't my girlfriend, so it probably doesn't compare to what you're going through. Nonetheless, it was really hard to find what to say other than the normal "comfort" stuff, and to this day she's still affected by it. Seriously, best of luck man.

  • Personally I'd tear his head off. But sorry to say it but she's now got baggage and this relationship is going to be hard work


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