My crush already has a partner, should I make the move?

I had a crush on her during my last semester of college. But she already had a boyfriend in another city. But we often did couple type things in college. After graduating I decided to move out of the city far away from her because I didn’t want to be the guy who causes havoc in their relationship. Before I graduated I had sent her a surprise gift for her birthday and she tried then texted me back saying that it was the most sweetest and thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for her. I’m not sure what she is trying to imply here. Does she look at me like a partner in the future or is she just flattered?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • tricky... you don’t want to be a home wrecker but if you like her so much you would move just to put some space between you because you like her that hard, i say you just put yourself out there, say you’re really into her and if that’s something she wants too, let you know. but if she shoots u down, move on. better to know you tried than regret not letting her know.

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    • She often told me that "I put in more into the relationship than him" and I would deviate her from that topic and try to do fun things with her like getting pizza or going for a walk. It often boosted her moods drastically. My intentions are just to make other people feel good about themselves. Do you think I am "that shoulder" she cries on about her boyfriend?

    • i would say yes, and tell you to back out of that. it sounds like it’s coming from a place of seeking attention rather than feelings and that’s a web you don’t want stuck in.

  • So the college is not in the same state she lives? Does she live in the same state where the boyfriend lives? She has a boyfriend in another city? Like a long distance relationship? Because from what you she seems to like you, and you did couple like things like what for instance?

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    • She was in Missouri and her boyfriend is in Florida. It's a long distance relationship. She always spoke about where she wanted to travel in the future, she'd show me pictures of her family and stuff whenever we ate pizza together. I never understood then, but now that I look back it might be true that she was into me.

    • Show All
    • That you are fake and posting troll posts. You are just back peddling at what you said,

    • You don’t even know me and you’re judging me through a post. Wow!

Most Helpful Guys

  • Don't do it, no matter how the outcome won't be good.
    Either you get rejected, or you ruin their relationship by making her go with you or even cheat on her boyfriend.
    Don't forget, if someone replaces their last partner with you after a short time, they can just as easily replace you with someone new just as quick.

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  • She's not implying anything. She just stated that it was a thoughtful gift. You just want there to be more because you like her. She already has someone now. You should've made the move A LONG time ago. Too late now.

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    • She already had a boyfriend, I found out later. She never mentioned it.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 43

  • Don't do it. If she can be "stolen" from her current partner, she can be "stolen" from you too. So no matter how you look at it you're losing, how can you trust someone who's willing to jump from partner to partner? I don't think it's right, morally. If she wants to be with you, she'll break up with her boyfriend without you having to make the suggestion. Until then, just wait and see or move on.

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  • Don’t interfere if she already has a boyfriend. If you’re encouraging her to cheat you’re almost as bad as the cheater. She found you sweet as a friend. Move on, or wait till she’s single

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  • If you interfere, you'll probably lose her as a friend. So it's best to move on and let it go

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  • Don’t go for her. She’s already in a relationship; if she wanted to be with you she would have broken up with her boyfriend. Keep things friendly.

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  • She's got a guy. Don't make a move. Just be her friend.

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  • Your first instinct to walk away was right. If she becomes single by all means go after her. I know it's hard when you are crushing. But think of how bad it would feel to have another man trying to steal your woman.

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  • if she's kinda frnd then don't so that things don't get awkward
    if not then you should ask her couple of personal questions ( not in a direct way ) to see if she really like her boyfriend and serious about their relationship
    then you decide if you wanna make a move or not

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  • Distance may be your Only problem Here, dear, But I believe that you Both could at Least for Now Somehow... Be friends.
    Get in Touch with her, Fate has a Way of often Showing us the Way. xx

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  • I think so, it's the most ethical and healthiest option. My crush has a baby on the way, I felt so sad and broken that I shut down, then I went back congratulated and stayed a fan on his page. Now I'm so over it.

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  • Fuck her boyfriend, you are a wolf, and a scourge unto them. Take his woman. If he had really wanted her he would've put a ring on it by now.

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    • Thank you for your comment, it really uplifted me. She calls him her best friend. I don't even understand what kind of a boyfriend he is.

    • so you're implying for women to be loyal to us we have to give them a fucking stone?
      are you really that stupid?
      think your arguments through please.

    • @Gopnik The Sky Father gave us strength to use it. Sky above, earth below, pain and suffering before death.

  • Before your crush and her partner have put an end to their relationship, I suggest that you try all your best to think her and treat her as a friend who you treasure much, and move on to live your own life. Don’t halt, time doesn’t wait anyone, we all get older day by day. Enthusiasm lasts forever only if you never get it. Most people are trapped in their own obsession.

    If they did break up, you would know anyway. Then think about it again and make a move.

    Good luck.

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  • Both. I say give it a try. Or else you'll never know and regret it later...

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    • Whenever we would watch a movie. She would talk about "the ideal man" from the movie and describe all their characteristics. It was weird because it felt like she was talking about me. I know myself very well and felt an instant connection when she mentioned that. You think those comments were directed towards me indirectly?

    • Yes, she's trying to tell you she likes you without being obvious because she has a boyfriend

    • I don't want to think about her. But it has been 3 months and I have been doing some solo traveling, trying out new things and meeting other women. But even after so long her thought keeps creeping in every day. I don't understand why she is stuck in my head.

  • Absolutely not. She'll just hate you. You should've moved on when you found out she had a boyfriend.

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  • Too hard to tell. She could like you, or she could just be genuine and think it’s a friendly gesture.

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  • No, I would walk away from her and move forward with your life. If she wanted to be with you at a different level then it would of already happened.

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  • Move on and respect her by respecting her relationship.

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  • Make the move? If you mean move away from them then yes.

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  • Dont make a move it may hurt you in future just as you said she had a partner so making a move is wrong
    Just forget about the past and find another girl

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  • Yes... both going snatch her n doing threesome would be entertaining for others. Show what u got as a man.

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  • If this merely a crush, its not that big a deal... You'll find someone... If its more than a crush, let her know...

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  • It does just seem like she's flattered based on what youve said. What couplesy things did you do?

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  • No if she has a boyfriend do not make a move, it seems a bit selfish

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  • Move on live your life try not to think about her if she has a boyfriend she is just flattered

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  • Stay away from her. She might drop you for someone better, even if you succeeded in getting her.

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  • No stupid

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    • I don't want to think about her. But it has been 3 months and I have been doing some solo traveling, trying out new things and meeting other women. But even after so long her thought keeps creeping in every day. I don't understand why she is stuck in my head.

  • No, don't be an asshole.

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  • Nope just a friend
    Move on
    Leave her alone

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  • It is really hard to tell from that one line.

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  • No you shouldn’t make a move.

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  • No. What kind of ignorant question is that?

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What Guys Said 65

  • She's just appreciative of the gift. Just wait until she is single- even if you somehow get her to live him for you, she would never trust you, at least not to the extent you need to make a relationship work.

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  • I would, and that's precisely the issue. I'm very, very bad at judging situations. Trust me. You absolutely should not read into the comment she made in response to your thoughtful gift. You don't want to be the guy who causes havoc in her relationship, so don't be. If you want any chance with her in the future don't be that guy now. To be clear, do not make the move.

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  • Thanking you for a gift is not a sign of romantic interest.

    No. You should not make a move. Karma is a bitch.

    If you actually managed to pull it off, you also will always have a severe flaw in your relationship. You would know her commitments are weak. That at any moment, another guy could come in like you did and take her away.

    Move on. If she is into you, make a move after she and her boyfriend split.

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  • Lmao. Everyone says no. That's to funny. Go for it, life only moves forward never backwards. Life is all about taking risks. can't succeeded with out jumping in with both feet. I know I will get a lot of thumbs down. But must of those will be from people are happy with 'safe and comfortable '

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    • I have already taken a risk of moving to a city very unknown to me. With her, it always felt like I can accomplish anything I set my eyes on.

  • Nah, forget for now. Even if you succeed, this is not a healthy way to begin a relationship, and it be a prevailing source of toxicity. Continue to be friends, but do you in the meantime. If you're still into her if/when they break it off, you can shoot your shot. But as long as they're still together, it's a really bad idea.

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  • It just sounds like a minefield - For me BOTTOM LINE if she felt strongly enough for you, she would end current relationship and pursue you - She may genuinely interested or just being flattered by gift but as long she is staying in relationship, she is not committing to you.

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  • at the age of 20+ u got crushes please grown man come the f on
    this never works
    just find a girl that it head for heels over you and u will be happy just like i am
    man never have a crush its just BS u wanna F her only lets be honest about that

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  • I'm surprise you have one that finds you as a friend and I say that you are wasting your time with this girl who is she by the way? She is in a relationship with another man and yet you let her you should be ashamed, I take her by the hand and tell her I love her but that's not the case since she is cheating on you.

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  • Here's a thought why would you want to be her if she'd leave her boyfriend for you? What does that tell you about her loyalty. If she would leave him for you she'll leave you for someone else.

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  • Best to step back. I could never trust a girl who left her partner for me. In the same way, I could never date a girl who I just hooked up with from say a bar, doesn’t happen often... AT ALL 😎

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    • Of course it’s not as black and white as I make out. Just be careful because you’ll have a hard time living up to the expectations. Taking a big step like breaking up for someone else will mean you’ll put the greener grass on a pedestal.

  • Dont. If you wouldn't like it if some other girl made a move on a guy you were dating dont you do the same. Seriously nobody likes a homewrecker. You would just cause a lot of problems if you did this.

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    • Woops. Since I can't go back and change the gender specific words. Switch that to "her" instead of "him" 😂

  • If she has a man I'd leave her alone but if you do talk to her and she wants you at the same time as she's with this guys she's no good

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  • Only if you feel you really have to an
    Hen someone's in a relationship and you fancy them it makes that person want to stick with there relationship... also if you ask them out when they are dating you may get more of a rejection

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  • Lmao if I ever found out a guy was tryna chat up my girl I'd beat the shit out of you, don't be that kind of guy. I get that she's your crush, but imagine you in that position and some dude tried to take your girl lol

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  • Why do you want to try to get involved with a woman that is already involved with someone else? This is a recipe for a broken heart, a lot of drama, and a really confused woman.

    I would TALK to her and explain. "I really like you and would love to properly date you, but understand you're already involved with someone else. If that changes, let me know and I'll be there."

    Or some iteration of same. At this point you don't know where she's at, and or whether you're a backup plan, just a though, flattery, or whatever. Way too much unknown. What you DO know is she already has someone and that's enough to know you don't want to be involved.

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  • I say no its verry rude not to mention immoral thats how lives get ruined. If its just a crush no if its love well go for it but have some honor about it.

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  • she was flattered and gracious enough to comment on it. don't read into it or make it what it is not.

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  • Forget her and move on... it's your only real option.

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  • If she was fwu while having a man then she would do the same with u! Nd it sound like u still trying to fuck up the relationship for sending sum to her! U moved and prob tried to get her to go wit u

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  • Sounds like she appreciated the gesture. Just ask if she’s interested.

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  • Just flattered, leave anyone taken be, there will be other people

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  • nope, leave her alone. move on with your schooling and life.

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  • No. If she has someone, you don't try it. Golden rule, you never make a move with someone who has someone.

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  • never fall for a taken girl.
    it would only cause u trouble dude.

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  • Respect her relationship and respect her don't be that guy.

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  • You shouldn't make the move. It sounds like she's flattered. Just be a good friend with her and don't ruin what you got.

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  • Yes for the following reasons:
    1. You still have a chance to replace the other one.
    2. Polygamy is nothing big!

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  • Looks like she is making herself available to you. I would try my luck if I were you. It seem there is some type of connection.

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  • But if you're able to steal her, won't it be easy for others to steal her too?

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  • Just be happy for her and move on. It would make you a bad guy if your try to break them up.

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    • I don't want to think about her. But it has been 3 months and I have been doing some solo traveling, trying out new things and meeting other women. But even after so long her thought keeps creeping in every day. I don't understand why she is stuck in my head.

    • That's a normal feeling and it's pretty common by the way. Not just you

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