Can you date your ex boyfriends friend?

First off, we originally met online and I had stated I was looking for just friends. We had met up once, the second time I met one of his friends and the third time I met a few of his other friends, but one of his friends caught my eye. He was exactly my type. Anyway, we've only hung out three times in the spand of a few months but we speak at least a few times a week, sometimes everyday sometimes not at all. I haven't given him any reason to think I'm interested in anything more. We haven't held hands, kissed or anything at all, the only ''touching'' we've done was hugging hello and goodbye, but other than that, that is it. So clearly there are no feelings there on my end, but I know there are feelings there on his end.. I don't want to cut things off with him because then he would only be the connection I would have to his friend. He doesn't have any social media except for Instagram which I don't have. Anyway, would it be wrong to ask the ''ex'' for his friends number or at least tell him that I am interested or if we are all together, can I ask his friend directly for his number then have a chat with the ''ex''? How should and shouldn't I go about this situation? Thanks in advance.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • You can date whom ever you want to date but I wouldn't suggest being a user of the guy who likes you just so you can get in touch with his friend, this is deceitful. Do whatever you need to do to get the guys number you want, go ask him for it or ask one of his close friends-- don't beat around the bush go straight to the houses mouth. What ever that old adage means, lol.

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    • In no way am I being a user of the guy who has feelings for me, but the friend and I don't run in similar circles so if I were to want to see the friend again, it would have to be through the ''ex''. Lol I'm trying not to beat around the bush, but it's a weird situation to be in.

  • That is up to you, but coming from a me as a male I say no. Especially if they are really good friends. I mean it would be no different if your ex dated one of your friends. Not sure how that would make you feel, maybe you’re ok w it but I have to say no especially if the person was a fucked up partner as far as how a/he treated their partner.

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    • They are good friends, that's why I am unsure about stepping on any toes. BUT the ''ex'' and I have only known each other for about three months, we hung out a total of three times and have never been physical; he just has feeling for me, but I don't.

    • Wait how is he your ex if he had feeling and you never did you said yes and did not like him? Cause if that’s the case girl you need to learn how to say no

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ask the guy for his number yourself? Lol that’s kinda mean to get your ex to ask him his friend for his number. How old are you again? I’m sure you’re capable of asking him when you see him, for his number.

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    • Lol I would get his number when I see him again, but it would have to be while my ''ex'' is around because the friend and I don't run in similar circles. Either way, it would end up ok or badly because I would be getting the friends number behind his back or I can be direct and let the ''ex'' know I am interested in his friend. I'm in my 20's,

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 10

  • You can but he shouldn't. Dating friends exes is a big no no in my book. l

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    • The ''ex'' and I have only known each other for about three months and have only hung out three times and on top of that, we have never been physical with each other. He just has feelings for me.

    • Oh Im not judging him if you guts do date. Im just saying if it were my friend I wouldn't date his ex. I don't expect others to have to play by my book.

  • You are free to date whoever you want. If your "ex" gets mad about it, too bad. It's not his life, it's yours to be free to date who you want. If I were you, I would ask the friend directly. That way he knows you have his number and you can tell if he really wants to give it to you. Me personally, I do not like getting just random calls or texts from people and wonder how they got my number.

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    • Thank you. I was hoping to ask the friend directly, but it's challenging because the ''ex'' and the friend and I don't run in similar circles. I of course wouldn't ask the ''ex'' for his number, but I was trying to see if I should let the ''ex'' know that I am interested in his friend and see how he feels about it so if the friend and I happen to see each other again and exchange contact info, it wouldn't be a surprise to the ''ex''.

    • Good idea. I hope it goes well for you.

  • Really it does not matter if you have known the ex for three months or three days; if the ex has feelings for you it is going to be damaging to the ex and possibly mess up the relationship the ex has with his friend that you like. There are long established normative behaviours, societal rules, that you should not cross and this is one. I don't judge here on this platform but I will say that to the ex, if he discovers you don't see him as a romantic interest and you're only hanging out to get to his friend, he will see you as manipulative and a liar. Unrequited love is the stuff of Greek tragedy and it hurts like nothing else - it is torturous. For the guy you do like, if he dated you, he would be committing an extreme faux pas, especially when his boy was (to their perspective) being used to get access. I find it extremely unlikely your actions would succeed and if it did, the guy you want would be a deeply flawed character and I doubt you'd be happy.

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  • You can absolutely, but he'd be breaking the "bro code" if he dated you. Also it will look like you broke up with your boyfriend for his bud.

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    • The ''ex'' and I have only known each other for roughly three months, we have only hung out three times in total and have never been physical. He just happens to have feelings for me, which is not mutual. So we aren't ''exes'', I just don't want to seem like I am stepping on toes. I can either get his friends number directly from him whenever I do see him (it would have to be through the ''ex'') or be direct with the ''ex'' and tell him I am interested in his friend.

    • You said he was your ex boyfriend so don't be surprised when people call him your ex. Also asking a guy who has feelings for you for his friend's number is cruel and wrong, just ask the guy yourself and you'll find out if he likes you back. To me you sound really selfish for using the guy who likes you only to see your own gain and if the guy accepts your advances after knowing you did that then there's no hope for him. @James_R sums it up perfectly.

  • Don't ask your ex that would be a bitch move if u are going to do it just ask the guy directly

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  • No don't do this I think it may destroy their friendship

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  • Nooooo don’t that’s fucked up how would you feel if your ex started dating your friend

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  • No. Never a good idea

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  • Up to you

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  • No, that's wrong. Bro code says "you don't date friends ex's". it's not cool

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What Girls Said 5

  • I can't tell who it is you are describing having met on line or hung out with. What kind of relationship did you have with the "ex"?

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    • I met the ''ex'' online, known him for three months and have hung out with him a total of three times. The ''ex'' and I have never been physical, he has feelings for me and I don't have any feelings for him in that way.

    • He's not really an "ex" you have evey right to be interested in whomever you want. You dont need to ask his permission but I would tell him that you are not interested in him.

  • I once dated my older brother’s friend - worst decision ever, especially since my brother knew him too well and told me that he would leave me in tears and heartbroken but I wouldn’t listen. Anyways it all came true in the end and I regretted ignoring his advice to stay away. He had also tried to convince him to not date me but he refused, despite my brothers begging to not hurt me. Now they don’t even talk anymore, and my bro seems to feel guilty to have not stopped this, and their friendship is over as well - I mean he literally called up my bro and said ‘ah you know I don’t love ur sister anymore so u think it’s okay if I dump her?’ HE WAS 24!!! So my brother was really mad, and that dude also lost literally all his friends after they saw what he’s done to me.

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    • I would say therefore that any relationship that interferes with a friendship in some way WILL be damaging to the friendship, but the extent of the damage can vary. It could either get very awkward and not the same anymore or end up in a friends break up. I would advise against this especially since you don’t even like him that much anymore. If you do truly admire his that much then you could go for it, but make sure it’s worth the damage

  • Sure

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  • Nope..

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  • Asking the guy who has feelings for you for another guy's number is cruel. You can get his info yourself and then tell the guy who has feelings for you what's going on.

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    • I know, but in my defence, the guy who has feelings for me, I've known for about three months and we haven't done anything physical. It's just challenging because the ''ex'' and the friend and I don't run in similar circles.

    • I know it may be challenging and maybe it's ridiculous that he feels as much as he does in a short period of time but feelings are feelings and it WILL hurt him. I think you gotta put yourself in his shoes. You feel for someone, and not only do you suddenly find out they not only have never felt the same, but every time you've brought your friends around, they've been into one of them instead. You're in a super sticky situation for sure and I'm sorry you're going through it. I just don't think asking him is the best way. Maybe wait til you hang out with them again and somehow get the one you're interested alone. Ask for his Instagram, his Facebook, anything that will get a link to him after you break the connection. Unless you and the guy have already broken up, which I'm now thinking I missed since I re-read your comment. In which case I understand if that's your only option but have you tried maybe searching for the one you want on social media?

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