When you say, "I just want to date casually. . . nothing serious," what - exactly - do you mean?

When you say,
If you have dated many members of the opposite sex, you have heard - at some time - a potential interest say to you, "We can date, but I don't want anything serious." I know the dictionary definition of all of those words but I'm never sure what a woman means when she says it. Sometimes, I think it's intentionally ambiguous so that the woman can always come back later and say, "Remember? I told you I didn't want this!"

I have never made such a statement to anyone. If I find someone I like sufficiently, I'll let the relationship go wherever it can. Have you ever made a similar statement to a potential partner? What did you mean when you said it?
  • "We can date but this will never progress to a physical relationship."
    Vote A
  • "We can date but no sex on the first date!"
    Vote B
  • "We can date and maybe have a sexual relationship but it will not be monogamous!"
    Vote C
  • "We can date, maybe have a sexual relationship, and even be monogamous, but no living together!"
    Vote D
  • "We can date, maybe have a sexual relationship, be monogamous, and even live together. . . but I'm NEVER getting married!"
    Vote E
  • "Let's take it slow and not get serious too quickly!"
    Vote F
  • "I am incapable of offering you any commitment. There, I've warned you! Any time I want out, I'll remind you about this conversation!"
    Vote G
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I never tell anyone that I want to date casually. I would be lying if I said that I just wanted to date casually and wasn't looking for anything serious. I've had guys tell me that they just wanted to date casually, nothing serious and it seemed to equate to,"You will only hear from me when I'm horny, want sex, and none of the other females that I'm casually dating are available right now for sex. You don't exist to me otherwise". No thanks. I lose interest and move on.

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    • "I lose interest and move on." Me, too!

    • That's good. It saves a lot of wasted time and spares anyone from potentially getting hurt feelings.

  • If someone said that to me i would actually assume the opposite, to the poll choices, i would assume they ONLY wanted sex but no commitment, which for me would be extremely off putting, if any guys say that to me i instantly lose interest and don't take anything they say or there intentions sincerely.

    Now for a woman saying it i'm unsure, but thats how i see it if a guy said it to me, though i've never wanted to date someone unless we get serious, to me we're either dating to eventually become girlfriend and boyfriend, or i see no point in dating them at all, i don't want time wasted, casual sex is absolutely no interest of mine and i'm not into hooking up with strangers, for me sex is to be enjoyed as a couple, but i know unfortunately in this day and age people will happily have casual sex with the hook up culture, i don't judge in the sense its there life do what you want, but its certainly not for me.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Usually from what I understand it means “I’m craving a relationship but you’re not exactly what I’d hoped for (or you are but I’m scared and trying to look like I’m not already kinda obsessed with you) but I’m still open to where this might go but I don’t want to get trapped so please lower your expectations if you want to avoid getting hurt but also please don’t leave yet.” I could keep going but pretty much it means they’re on the fence and trying to create a safe non smothering guilt free space to behave in with you. Personally not my thing but I understand it.

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  • It depends on the person that says it. Sometimes it is a way to keep options open. Sometimes it is a way extend the trial period as they only have lukewarm interest.

    But I have also encountered some women say it because they are getting these strings of needy guys that attempt to monopolize their time. They expect to see them every day off. Expect textathons. Expect to be very serious, very quickly. Sometimes they will say this to keep their foot on the brake pedal so they can live their life without immediately having to give all of their free time to a new guy. A phrase to look for with these women is anything along the lines of "I don't have the time to maintain a relationship right now".. that is how bad they get fucked over. New guy comes in and wants to take over their lives. Nobody, man or woman really wants that.

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    • So what do YOU mean when YOU say it?

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    • @kitty71 Well usually "lets be friends" is the go-to line for illustrating you are not attracted to someone hahaha. But either way, you are not attractive as a long term partner, hence why he does not want a relationship with you.

    • @Wraithofsparta eI know that but he is physically attracted to me

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 21

  • I just wanna sleep with different people for now

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  • I always take it to mean
    From a women: “I want the positive benefits of dating - such as you paying for me, treating me well and respectfully, showing me a nice time and putting in effort with the potential of a sexual relationship but there is no exclusitivity or commitment”
    From a man: “I want to fuck and not put in more than the effort required for that to happen”

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  • 9 times out of 10, it means he/she just wants a bootycall/friend with benefits. And that other 1, is when they want to date because they seek companionship, but theyre also scared of commitment, potentially loving someone and then losing them, so they go into it saying that it won't last, because they dont expect it will, and can then pretend theyre not hurt when it ends because they stated at the start that it would.

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  • I believe it means that they don't find you perfect enough to want to marry and spend the rest of their life with. Like, your ugly or annoying or something. But they would sleep with you.

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    • wtf really

    • @ashmith7 "You're ugly and annoying, and I'd be embarrassed to be seen with you in public, but since you're here, let's fuck!" I'm quite certain that never happened to me! (Maybe because I'm not ugly or annoying! :) )

  • When I use those words I mean that I am only looking for a sexual, casual thing. I do not want more from you.

    If you offer more, I will ignore it.

    I will only recognize it once I am ready to consider handling serious inquiries otherwise, it is nonsense - just noise.

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  • Majority of what I know from those who have said this line to me, as well as from what my friends have told me, it means that they're not into a monogamous relationship. So if they begin to start seeing you, they care to be dating other people too as they aren't seeking nor are they interested in finding a "potential.

    Personally, I have never used this line. As when I date someone, I only care to focus on one person at a time, and if they seeing "dating" differently... then I'd be turned off.

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  • Basically saying in both terms they will not or choose not to commit and don’t want things to progress further into an actual relationship... i find this a turn off and am not interested in spending time like that when looking a potential mate for a future together.

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  • Actually I would use it now... my current situation is having some men interested in me more than I am in them. Nice attractive guys but no real chemistry on my end. I’ve never used the line before but I’ve always taken it to keep options open. It’s not necessarily a bad thing because it’s still giving someone an option that may work in their favor. But in my opinion, it always means you’re on shaky ground or have competition.

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  • I’ve said something similar. It’s because in my life numerous people have caught feelings for me so now I feel like in order to avoid that it’s best if I just make myself 1001% clear straight off gate so that if they get hurt, it’s on them. I did my part when I was being honest.

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  • I have never said this and I have no idea what it means. What’s the point of committing to someone if you have no intentions of making it last?

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    • Also, I don’t see how not wanting sex right off the bat is what someone means when they say they want something “casual.” To me casual means just sex and no genuine commitment.

  • We can date, get to know each other, maybe sleep together but I’m not trying to jump into a serious relationship. Take things slow and see where go.

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  • I think they only want the fun a boyfriend / girlfriend can give but not the others stuff and surely never true commitment.

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  • You can see each other and sleep together but you're not official. You're just PWB (people with benefits).

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    • I really hate that "official" thing! When you decide to be "official," do you go to the courthouse and get a dating license? :) Seriously, it seems like your generation doesn't want to publicly admit that they are serious about each other until they have their second child.

    • Lol! It simply needs to be affirmed... with words. Neither of you peruses anyone else and both are committed to each other.

  • To me, that statement means C. Dating and sex but not an exclusive nor formal relationship.
    I have never said that to anyone because if I like someone, I'm serious about that. If I'm not in love, I'm not interested in dating anyone.

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  • To me it means we can go out once a while without the limits or lack of freedom of a relationship. Casual and less serious

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  • It mean lets do most things that couples do, but don't put a label on our relationship, if i just take the leave don't make it a big deal i warned u it was just casual. Or if i want to see sonetimes other girls...
    I feel like thats what people mean.
    On my hand whenever i say that is because i don't want a serious relationship when falling in love and goinf into a relationship, i take a lot of time to do things that happen easily in a relationship so i feel like if i say i don't want anything serious it will not put pressure on me to meet expectantions of some things people do in relationships.

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  • What I normally mean is, I see potential in you, but I’m dating other people. Nothing further than kissing for me.

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  • I've never said anything like that per se. I just say "I don't want to be in a relationship".

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  • That I only want something casual. Nothing serious.

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    • Be it sex, only dating and sex, or... sex 😂

    • saaaaxxxx😂😂

    • He better have a big tasty cock though. 😍😍💜

  • It’s usually guys that say this and what I interpret it as, judging by their actions, is that they want a physical relationship with the girl but with no strings attached, so they can see others whenever they like.

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    • Personally I’d never get involved in that but I’ve seen so many others that do.

  • Hey sup

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What Guys Said 26

  • (if you're into relationships and not casual dates and random hook-ups DO NOT read the answer and feel offended)

    As a player, I would never mention about casual dating to any girl because some just want commitment and relationships but not sex
    Therefore I just tell them whatever they want to hear (let's date, be in a relationship, I'm looking for a long term monogamous partner , I want to be loyal, sex isn't an issue, blah blah blah etc)

    You can check in the comments here where some girls would instantly lose interest in you if you're being honest about "dating casually"
    (This would also significantly reduce your chances of getting laid in the real world)

    Then after getting the reward (i. e sex) after pursuing her for some time, depending on the frequency of the sex and the effort that I need to put from my side every time for it, I would simply ghost or just break up with her over text saying some emotional reason (that would make her accept the breakup thinking it was her fault) once the sex stops or if she started wanting more from me

    And that's how you pump and dump (assuming you already have the confidence and attractiveness and a little cash in hand)

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    • You make the rest of the guys look good!

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    • Well, that's also not foolproof either as some guys are specifically charming and chivalrous while treating a woman (like me hehe)

    • Right, there are no guarantees!

  • it means "sure, i'll take what you're willing to give, but don't expect anything in return." "furthermore, you'll be out of the picture in a flash when the next more interesting thing comes along." don't expect much with a person who has the stones to actually tell someone that AND shame on you for hanging around if they do - unless they're a stepping stone to something else...

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  • I am doing that thing right now with a girl. Its just for sex, having fun and talking with som1. I can't be in a serious relationship right now because I just broke up with my exgf and i just dont feel good enough for now. Maybe, in a future, I could be with her.

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  • It means "I'm not interested in you, but I'll let you take me out and feed me until a man I AM interested in comes along. "

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  • Well, I have never personally said these. But, I know people who had several date options ( more than one, at least, LOL), said these words in order to have the freedom to explore while having a small hook around. And they may eventually get serious and even tied knot later! So, I believe it's this

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  • I like hanging out with you, cuddling, watching movies, having sex etc but am too embarrassed about you in some way to be your bf/gf and introduce you to my friends and family.

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  • That's just them wanting to reap the rewards or a relationship without actually being in one. I've only said this to one person in a serious manner (like I actually wanted to date her, but got out of a serious relationship that I was fucked up from) and she took it to mean that I just wanted sex. Learned my lesson there. I try to say things more directly now like "I really like you a lot, but let's just take things slow and see how it works out" this is soooo much better because it implies you're not going to try to tie the girl down right away, it shows you're not possessive, and also implies you're willing to put in the work to get that point of seriousness.

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  • Just get a sex robot, less drama that way. Go on with your life and achieve the goals you laid out for yourself.

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    • I agree 😎
      It's easier and soon accessible too.

  • It means going on dates now and then, but not having to text back and forth ten timea a day or explain where you were or what you were doing

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  • They wanna have sex, but dont want you to be needy or clingy. Essential wanting it only when they feel like it.

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  • That's the friend zone cop-out. She won't say, "Let's just be friends," cuz then she doesn't get all freebies if you have some self respect. On the other hand, she's making it clear to you that she has no intention of reciprocating kindly gestures as she doesn't take you seriously. You're a backup plan, and she's likely not going to tell you when she's found someone she's serious about, cuz then she has a twofer! Women like that are just loophole cheaters. Avoid them like they have herpes... cuz they probably do.

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  • Sounds like they want company but not commitment and they're out with it, too. Simple enough.

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  • Because in first date we don't know each other well

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  • A civil union is just as good as a wedding

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  • That's known as the cock carousel.

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  • Probably means they just wanna hookup

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  • They only want sex nothing else

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  • I've always wondered what this saying means

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  • I would assume they want to take it slow.

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  • She wants to find out if you are her soulmate.

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  • I'm not one to say that in the first place

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  • We can date and no phisical realationship

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  • I'd say you've covered all the bases.

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  • That's exactly what I mean

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  • Basically they want a fling or a friends with benefits deal.

    I just take it at face value. From my experience, I respect someone who is upfront and says they want just a fling abs opposed to someone who says/acts like they want something serious only to ditch you after sex.

    When someone says they just want a fling or just sex, you can either take it or leave it.

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  • it means you can pay for my stuff and take me places, but dont think that it will lead to anything you actually want like me being with you and not going to hook up with a guy with more money than you

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    • love the downvote on a true story

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