Why do nice guys always get put on the back burner?


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Most Helpful Girls

  • Because these nice guys usually have character flaws that are actually off-putting, but, for some reason, they assume it's "niceness." Half of the time, these guys aren't even really that nice. I've had countless "nice guys" flip a switch on me as soon as I say I'm not interested and call me all kinds of names and have even threatened me.

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    • @ronaldo75 NICE GUY ALERT!

    • Honestly you just made the point more valid.

  • Because girls prefer Bad boys and then complain about it... 😊 that's the reality

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    • Are you guilty of this yourself?

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    • Or Maybe just maybe, the term 'nice guy' is used by boys who think that women are supposed to fall at their feet because they show a bit of kindness. A bad boy isn't as enticing as it sounds. Guys made that up to explain why they are left in the dust. I have never seen anyone chase after a bad boy. - A modern woman.

    • @AquaBoo "Or Maybe just maybe, the term 'nice guy' is used by boys who think that women are supposed to fall at their feet because they show a bit of kindness." - MAYBE... no one is suggesting that.

Most Helpful Guys

  • They don't really. Women actually like nice guys. The question is whether they really are nice or not.

    A lot of guys who have never been in a relationship claim to be nice, and think they would treat a girl "right". But if they've never been in a relationship, they realistically have no idea how they'd act. They claim to be nice, without ever putting it to the test. They've never tested it with all the emotions that fly around in a relationship. People aren't normally exposed to those kind of emotions and situations anywhere else.

    A lot of guys also think that being "nice" means being a pushover. They are not aggressive enough to get a girl. They think being aggressive is not being nice, so they don't do it. There is certainly such a thing as being overly aggressive, but just sitting back waiting for something to happen, without going after it probably won't work.

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  • Because they're trying too hard to be someone that they're usually not. Stop being a "nice guy" and just be yourself. If you're naturally kind and empathetic, be that way. If you don't really give a damn for random strangers, be that way. Just stop putting on an act to get laid. It's pathetic and weak.

    For example, I don't consider myself to be a nice guy. However, most women have labeled me as a good guy. The thing is though, I didn't try to be a "good guy." Most of the time, I'm just a laid-back, sarcastic dick who enjoys being helpful. I don't care too much if someone doesn't like me because the opinions of insignificant, random strangers is unimportant

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What Girls Said 15

  • i honestly don’t think they do. the ‘bad boys’ are more thrilling on paper or in movies but in reality, no thanks. everyone i know is dating or married to a nice guy.

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    • Girls want adventures with bad boys but want to marry a the nice guy.
      Guys want adventures with the crazy girls but want to marry the nice girl.

  • Honestly as a woman, i used to do it out of fear. I would go as far as to leave the nice guy for something more dramatic/ more exciting... But he took me back showed me his exciting side and made an effort to have more fun with me not just be the good guy and honestly... he's mine i love him to death id never leave him again... I hope this was helpful

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  • They don’t always. My boyfriend is a nice guy, and his kindness is what originally attracted me to him. I decided I was done with the “bad boys”, and decided to give my boyfriend chance.

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    • My boyfriend a chance **

    • Also. My boyfriend wasn’t on the “back burner” or friend zoned. I met him through a friend and took interest in him because of his character ☺️

  • Quite often girls don't even know that one of their guy friends are crushing on them, so they'll just accept just bing friends. If you want to change that just tell the girl something like "so I like you... I understand if you don't feel the same way. But please at least think about" and tell her you're fine with just being friends if she seems to be hesitant or scared

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  • Hesitancy. Playing hard to get. After desiring that mysterious man on the bus for the past few years, it was only today on a Facebook message that he said he loved me. I want him! Michael is such a dreamboat!

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  • Never really met a nice guy around my age, and if i have then they're either real picky or it was an act. If i met someone who was actually genuine they wouldn't be put in the "back burner"

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  • I only have nice guys in my intimate life. But you have to be actually genuine and compassionate.

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  • Not always. I prefer a nice guy who is going to treat me with respect. But... this is now. When I was younger, I was into the whole bad boy thing.

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  • ”Nice” is such a generic thing to be. It’s like the bare minimum. Lots of guys are nice but that doesn’t mean I am (or should be) automatically interested in all of them. A guy can be nice but boring. Nice but unattractive. Nice but too shy and hard to get to know. Nice but too passive. Nice but whine-y. Nice but lazy. Nice but addicted to something. Nice but too careless. Nice but no passion. Nice but no sexual chemistry. Etc etc.
    Being nice is not the flaw here. You can still be nice but also have a ton of flaws that make you unattractive and undateable. The problem with chronically ”nice” guys is that they think that’s all they ever have to be and they’ll get whoever they want. Then when it doesn’t happen, they’re too scared to point out their own flaws and would rather blame the girl for not liking them back.

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  • Because being nice usually conflates with being a doormat, and it happens to nice girls too.

    Not saying this is true about you in particular, but nice people in general seem to be pleasers. They tolerate a lot of nonsense and don’t say anything out of fear because they don’t want to upset the girl or guy they’re dating. These are genuine people who deserve love but can’t get it because they’re so busy trying to please their partners that the partners don’t respect them. Without respect, there’s no love.

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    • One of the things that seems to most make women want a man is for the man to have better shit to do than to chase after. Nice guys don't do this, nice guys seem to make women his priority. Women gravitate towards men who seem to have an attitude of "I'll get around to contacting you when I have the time" towards them.

      Being made to feel small and irrelevant (like a doormat) is a huge turn on for a lot of women and that's the drug nice guys won't give you. Why? because being made to feel small and girly to the brain looks a lot like being protected.

  • She is probably still immature and not in the right state of mind for a real relationship yet. All she wants is a fling or she loves him and thinks she can fix him

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  • It's not about you being a nice guy, it's about you being less entertaining opction than crying to sleep and questioning why nobody loves me

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  • Because girls are ideots and look for bab boys

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  • If you consider yourself a "nice guy" that's probably where the issues begin...

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  • Because 'nice guys' think by being nice to a woman they are entitled to have their way with her and sleep with her.

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    • Some do, but those aren't a nice individual in the first place.
      (Just because someone sees themselves as a nice... doesn't mean they really are)

    • @crazy8000 you are right.

What Guys Said 41

  • It can be other Things- Maybe she figures you'll be around sometime in the future and she can stash you, or you aren't aggressive enough for her test.

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  • Don't know dude. It could be because most nice guys are usually... invisible? I don't know what word to use other than that but what I mean is, they're usually the quiet and less active than others. A nice guy usually holds back on socializing with the people he likes. He doesn't make his presence known like everyone else. He's usually the one watching from a distance and wondering if he's capable of impressing anyone. So it's not always other people's fault that nice guys get put on the back burner. If you're genuinely nice AND socially active, you will get noticed and people will want to be associated with you.

    This could just be only my own experience, but I think it makes a lot of sense. I consider myself nice, I always want the best for the good folks of the society. But I still don't have many friends. And it's mostly my own fault because I never make myself available to approach. I don't do this deliberately of course, I want friends and relationships like everyone else, I just don't feel confident when it comes to socializing.

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  • *cracks knuckles*
    Here we go...

    1. Never, EVER trust what a woman says, observe her actions to determine her intentions. Women operate differently than men do, they have different versions of justice, morality, honor, humor, and compassion. Not to say that they lack these things, but that they experience these things differently than men do. Men operate logically, women operate emotionally, and to make matters more complicated they have additional reproductive instincts... the most notorious of which, is hypergamy, which is what defeats "nice guys" more often than not.

    2. Hypergamy is the female instinct to always pursue a partner higher in station, and never settle for someone that's worse off than her. This drive to only romantically pursue the best of the best is designed to ensure that only the top tier of men in any given tribe, nation, or village has the ability to reproduce. However, just like the male equivalent, the dominance instinct, there is a dark side to hypergamy as well. If you treat a woman nicely in order to gain sexual favour, you're subconsciously communicating to her that you want to be equals with her... and biologically, women dont want to fu*k an equal, they want a man who's better than they are.

    3. Hypergamy is not evil, but just like the dominance instinct, it needs to be controlled and harnessed. Before 1970 there were checks and balances to ensure women didn't act on their hypergamy without consequences, but thanks to feminism all those checks and balances are gone now. We still have laws against rape, assault, theft, and brawling... but not against cheating, infidelity, paternity fraud, and destroying families because someone wanted to "trade up".

    If you want to hack her hypergamy, just talk to her like she's a transvestite or post op transsexual. Communicate to her you want ZERO to do with her sexually, don't hold eye contact longer than necessary, don't smile often, and at least once per conversation... cut her off and interrupt her.

    The answer to your question is thus: women don't screw nice guys in the way they hope, women simply keep you in the side lines as a plan B, or as an emotional tampon to use as emotional support, or as a piggy bank to take them on dates... but no sex will happen if she feels superior to you.

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    • If you ever want to make a woman hate being around you, do all this BS ^^

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    • Oof. Good luck my friend.

  • b/c they're not "exciting" enough.
    same reason bad girls go everywhere while good girls stay at home (b/c they're not asked out).
    be confident in the fact that the good guys are far more likely to marry smart, for longevity, and are far more fulfilled in the long run.

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  • Because "nice" guys are just timid entitled shits who think they're owed a chance just because they think they're nice rather than having to actually be someone of value and taking tough action or making tough decisions.

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  • Because nice guys do not light a tingle between her legs like a bad boy or jerk. The biggest lesson in life I’ve learned is that with women, watch what they do not what they say. They say they want a nice guy, but their heart and tingles below make them chase the bad boy/jerk.

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  • Women like assholes because of a primitive need to be withe protectors. This is why they see nice guys as weak. Don't let ANY woman tell you different. They like masculine men who act like arrogant pieces of shit. No matter how much they say they want a "nice guy" after I started being a dick to women my dating and sex lives improved by leaps and bounds.

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  • Being genuinely nice and telling people your nice are two separate things, just go for it whatever it is, everyone else does and some people get nowhere some go places quicker than others, can't be nice all the time

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  • In most of the cases, nice guys neither good looking, nor confident and they don't spend money on themselves to keep them updated and trendy...
    In a nutshell, nice guys are weak, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially.

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  • Of course. But you're confusing 'nice' with 'kind'. They're two different things.
    The girls see through your 'nice' facade when you just want in their panties.

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  • because nice guys are usually boring. Women want adventure And a chase. They want to see a guy they think they can fix. Get some cocky confidence with some adventure in you and they'll be coming in droves.

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  • Because most nice guys have no backbone, but are nice for the reason of just appealing, being liked and avoiding confrontation.

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  • Most of the time "nice guy" is a thinly veiled term for "collosal douchebag with 0 personality"

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  • Women do like nice guys, however, they don't like 'nice guys', as in people who say they're nice.

    People who say that they're nice only do nice things for attention, leading to a toxic personality hidden within. Actual nice people do nice things without expecting any attention and don't bring up how they were nice to people.

    Sorry if this offends people, but it's the truth about why most women don't like 'nice guys'. None of that "They prefer badboys" bullshit. Some do, but that's not the main reason.

    If you want to see what I'm talking about with 'nice guys', here ya go: https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys

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  • Because women love being hurt by a** Holes then complain about it get back with him only to get hurt again. Then complain about how all men are a** Holes

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  • Nerd its not because your nice, it's your confidence and body that matters, trust me I've been in your shoes and all you need is to find the right friend to lead you on the right path

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  • Tbh, I get that 'nice guys' get put last. Like I'm not gonna say I'm nice but I'm not fckboi either.

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  • That's why u have to be in the middle not to nice not mean I was nice but learned it didn't work. Need to be a little aggressive

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  • Most nice guys aren’t actually nice. They are that way because they are compensating for something.

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  • They don't. Most of them are happily part of a couple.

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  • i know mate later those bitches are complaining about that they can't find a man who loves them bitch he was there but you just wannwt to be friends

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  • Because most of the time they are only being nice to get the girl. And if they are genuinely nice then they are often boring to women

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  • The most common thing is because those girls are emotionally immature.

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  • You will be glad you didn't date "those girls" when you are older. Focus on a good career now that you love. Eventually you will find the right one.

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  • I think nice guys are more likely to cheat because they can't so no to girls. Them trying to be nice to everyone gets them into quite a few predicaments.

    I also think that part of their problem is that the don't have a strong enough opinion on certain things. Unconfident and fickle. You can't always be neutral or telling others to just be respectful, forgiving, or just ignore something if they felt they have been wronged. Sometimes being confrontational is the right choice or just the fun one.😂

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  • LOL You're going to make women lie to you and/or attack you.

    If you don't have the looks, then they will not talk to you... no matter how many of the personality traits (that they lie and say they really want in men) you may have... they'll never find out.

    Then, after they reject and ridicule you, they proudly crow about how you're not really nice because you didn't happily take their abuse.

    After ALL that, they choose a guy based on his looks (ignoring OBVIOUS warning signs) then cry about how bad men are when the jerk they happily chose acts like the jerk he is.

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  • This depends.
    Some nice guys are fake as hell. Other have hygiene problems or are too skinny or too fat.

    So first advice is to work out work on cleanliness and style.

    The type of women that don't like good men are basic bitches. If the girl you have your eye on is a cheerleader grew up rich and got spoiled and dated jocks in highschool yeah not abchnace in hell.

    But trust me any normal girl will like a nice guy who is decently fit and has great hobbies and smells good. Specially if this girl grew up in a abusive environment when she was a kid and she will be looking for a guy who is caring, nice and makes her feel safe

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  • here is some advice for you. Women want to ride the cock carousel until their baby rabies kick in. Then they want to find a good provider male otherwise know as the "Nice guy"who will get her a house and good genes for her offspring. Then she will get tired of the provider male and the boring domestic life and kick you out. divorce you and use big daddy government to force you to continue to pay for the house, alimony, child support, and since she is frumpy now, she will move in her new fuck boy and he will live in your house, and raise your kids. You are just the lucky bastard who gets to pay for it all.

    Check out Redpill and Mgtow online and learn from the life lessons of other men.

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    • This post makes me sad. Because it is false.

    • @AquaBoo no, actually it is true for the 50% divorce rate initiated by women 80% of the time.

    • That could be for a number of reasons! Divorce rose in the 70s and now everyone thinks marriage is doomed. Do you even know why the divorce rate is 50%?

  • Nice guys know how to love a woman could be most women are getting wilder?

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  • I don't think this happens to nice guys in particular. First off, these guys may not be all that nice. Maybe girls have seen enough of that to just steer clear and all, you know? Then younger people don't care all that much sometimes. They're like loose cannons in every piece of life they're discovering nobody would want a nice guy right away so they deal with some bad guys I guess. Also some of these nice guys don't take enough charge, to he seen and conform to every single word a girl says and become somewhat of a pet or something or just get rejected or saved for another time. I'm not sure, I'm not one of the nice guys also not a bad guy but that's what I could imagine possible

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