Is wanting time/space reasonable in this situation?

The guy I’ve been seeing for the last year just moved across the country to my area for a job. So we now live about 15 mins away from each other. We agreed to take it slow so he could adjust to a new life and a new career. However, the last month has been a lot of fighting and it’s mostly over me not feeling very wanted or desired by him and him feeling pressured by me. We just had a big talk about how I feel, and how he feels. We decided
To see each other Friday and try to just have fun. My question is: is it reasonable for him to want space and time to figure his life out here before truly committing to me or is that just an excuse?

Also, do you think if I back off and alleviate the pressure that I’ll salvage things?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is no right or wrong here. You feeling missing the feeling of being desired from him is justified and okay. And him needing some time to get adjusted and have his mind sorted is justified and okay too.
    There is no problem here and none of you are doing anything wrong, just 2 people with different mindsets clashing.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Give him space and allow him to miss you. You probably feel unwanted because when he isn’t contacting you than you’ll believe he is entertaining someone else. He’s investing in you because obviously he’s interested but if he draws back give him that space and let him gravitate towards you on his own time.

    It’s good that you guys had a talk about your feelings which means he’s open minded and willing to acknowledge your feelings. Take it easy on yourself and take it slow everything will work out on its own time.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • He's already made a huge commitment to you. Just be nice and he'll commit on his own. In a relationship it's better to have the partner want you than be forced into marriage.

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  • yeah its reasonable hell he moved close to you just to be with you and that is MAYOR for anyone

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  • Wanting time and space is very reasonable.

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  • If it's meant to be things will work out

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What Girls Said 7

  • yes, its reasonable. you see, guys tend to feel pressured by the girls because they think that they're not doing well. and thats completely natural. In your situation, his reason could be one of the two. He either is disinterested or he genuinely feels pressured by you and by his career and hence why he asked for space. but seeing your given information, im assuming that he feels pressured.
    I think you should give him the space he needs and ask how he's doing once in a while. and probably talk out things with him about where he went wrong and where you wwnt wrong. tell him about the things that he did which you liked at the right time and make sure you're not pressuring him!
    but meanwhile dont burden yourself thinking that you're the reason for this temporary termination.

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  • Yes, it's reasonable.

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  • it's reasonable for him to want space.

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  • You should learn the virtue of patience.

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  • It may be difficult due to your relationship starting a certain way (not seeing eachother often) to being so close to each other all the sudden also Moving itself is difficult as well so he might just not be able to handle it all at once. Maybe give him some time and see if he comes around once he's settled in and has a routine.

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  • No.. but wanting spacetime is.

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  • Interesting... I’m going through something similar. I feel giving space can reveal more of what he wants and sometimes it’s needed.

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    • You really think so?

    • This guy practically is asking for it, and I told him that’s totally fine. I’m lettimg him call the shots. I don’t want to beg and I feel it’s healthy to give space, it will freshen up their thoughts and be more clear of what they want.

    • Ps. I felt insecure too... try to be confident and focus on you more, things should fall into place, how they should.

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