Guys, Honest Answer Please, Is having sex without commitment hurting my chances of a real relationship?

Over the last year I’ve been “involved with” three guys – at different times over the course of the year but with all 3 cases we were hanging out together often, went on actual dates and had sex. None of those situations turned into an official dating relationship or boyfriend/girlfriend status and I want to figure out why. The first guy told me after two or three months that he wanted me but not a girlfriend. I ended things before I got badly hurt. With the second guy I could tell he liked me a lot but I wasn’t as into him so things eventually fizzled out. Now looking back I wonder why he never brought up being exclusive. The guy I’m seeing now definitely seems into me, wants to see me a lot and calls me BAE (I guess some people still use that term). As far as I know he’s not seeing anyone else but we haven’t talked about exclusivity so I don’t want to assume anything. The truth is that I’d be upset if I found out he had other girls.

I’m getting insecure about why none of the guys I’ve been with in past year were interested in an actual relationship. Is it because we were having sex regularly and they had no interest in being tied down or committed to me? Basically everyone I know has sex before officially dating someone so I don’t get why doing that myself is hurting my chances of finding a great guy to be in a relationship with. Am I being naïve? Please be honest with me and give good advice without being mean because I’m already confused and a little insecure.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • okay first of all breathe.

    How are you approaching these guys? first off I need to know that and second any guy that uses "BAE" screams fuckboi right of the bat, he's no good for what it seems.

    If you want a guy to take you seriously make sure to make DATES not hangouts I'm a guy that considers himself a good guy (not nice lol)

    What I mean is that I actually want a girlfriend to take serious but that depends on how the initial conversations are if a girl just hops in the sack with me its fine but if I see that she has no interest in me or my life I asume she is just a girl that doesn't like to date seriously.

    If a girl jumps in the sac with me and prior to that or even after she and I start to get intimate (aka knowing about each others lives and things like that) I might consider her for wifey considering that she doesn't have a history of cheating or playing guys and that there is chemistry of course.

    The sex is not the problem if I where you id:

    - see if your not giving a slutty vibe when you approach them
    - you actually have genuine interest in the guy and you guys actually talk about intimate shit
    - the dude is not a fuckboi (aka jock, dresses like a cunt, his priority is smoking weed with his friends, only texts you when he wants a date/sex, he doesn't open up to you ext)

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    • I just wanted to say thanks for being honest and giving me great advice. I honestly don’t think I give off a slutty vibe at all and I almost never approach a guy first. But there’s a chance at least one of the guys I mentioned is a fuckboi bad judgment on my part

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    • So what do you mean by make my intentions known as soon as I start meeting them? I’ve never been one to initiate the “what are we?” conversation but when the topic comes up I have let them know that even if we’re still figuring out our relationship, I don’t sleep around and I don’t want to be involved with a guy if that’s what they’re doing.

    • Yeah what I mean is try to bond with them like I said find common interest and get really personal with your questions most guys who are fuckboi will get uncomfortable and leave so that's how you weed them out

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What Guys Said 4

  • No, your lack of communication is preventing long term relationships.

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  • Yes it does, looks like you should had better waited until marriage.

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  • It could. I wouldn't hold it against you. Some men would.

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  • It would bother me and some guys, but it won't bother some

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