Girls, can't seem to close a date after a 3 year relationship

So here's my story, my girlfriend and I broke up after 3 years about 2 months ago. She felt as though it wasn't working anymore, and without getting into the details of what happened or our relationship, I was broken. Anyway, I have decided NC is the way to go, and have accepted that the relationship is over.

So I.decided a few weeks ago I should at least try and start dating again. I am 24, 5"9, 160, have a masters. Degree, a good personality, handsome (needless to say I use to be as confident as they came). I have 2 problems. First of all I obviously still have feelings for my ex, these won't go away anytime soon, I've accepted that as well. I know This is affecting my confidence. Which leads to my second problem, I can't seem to close a date. I have high standards, so getting shut down doesn't bother me (I Just know what I like in women so I usually try and approach the most beautiful and most personable ). In the last 3 weeks I have met three girls, got 2 numbers and gave mine to one. I felt chemistry with all of them, but gave no indication of my past.

The first girl I met on a flight on business. We took the night flight, she asked me to switch seats so we could talk the whole flight. The conversation went So well I thought for sure she was going to call (she wanted my number and said she would call me). She was literally joking around about me taking , and made a joking innuendo about joining the mile high club (a joke but obviously a flirting). She even walked me to a cab and told me how she had taken that flight. I never hear from her.

The next girl I met at the dog park. I started a conversation with her, eventually got to flirting. I only planned on staying for 30 minutes and stayed 2 hours... I started talking about my brother getting old and getting him cookbooks for Xmas. Then she said she never had a Guy cook for her, her ex never cooked, I said I was a great cook,asked if I'm going to cook her dinner, I said I'd have to get her number first. I did, called her 3 days later (last night). I got her voice mail, left her a very direct message asking if she wanted to go grab drinks Tuesday at 7... never called me back.

The last girl was someone I have known for awhile. We finished grad school together and always had a lot of attraction and flirtation between us. My ex was often jealous of her (although she had no reason to be cause I have never and don't believe in cheating). Saw her out a few weeks ago, she said we have to get together and how she misses me yada yada. Anyway We still have yet to get together have numerous texts and calls to schedule plans.

So what is going on with me? Can You girls subconsciously tell I'm not there even though I show and say nothing about my past? Is it just a numbers game. Before my ex I had a lot of shorter relationships, I have been with my fair share too. My priorities have changed in life since I played the field, I'm not looking for 1 night stands. Give me some advice Please...

My post was viewed 178 times and I couldn't get a single response... I really need yo figure this out and need some good advice.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Let me be the first to respond to you since this is the first time I'm reading this. You may not like what I'm gonna write because you sound like a good friend of mine who had similar problems and I'm gonna be harsh.

    Good to hear that you acknowledged the fact that break-ups aren't easy. But you are looking into dating girls waaaaaay too soon and thinking a bit too much. Reasons: 1) You aren't over your ex. 2) You are looking for a date to make you more secure about yourself and to fill in a void in you (or potential/possibly an ego boost). These are clearly bad reasons for getting a date now, because it'll just further cut the wound. We don't blame you for feeling not confident about yourself. It's part and parcel of a break-up. But you shouldn't let your insecurity, ego and perhaps lack of patience get to you. Dating, relationship, and finding the right person takes time and patience. It's not a 1 month, 2 months will get thing. And fundamentally, you DON'T need a girlfriend to make you feel confident about yourself.

    Although everyone's different and it depends on the duration of your relationship with your most recent ex, but judging from how you are feeling now, you are improving but 2 months is too quick for you to start pursuing a girl now. You are CLEARLY not over her and more over, starting to find chemistry with girls when you haven't even sorted out yourself emotionally, and eventually hoping to get a relationship/date for the WRONG reasons. Don't you think it's unfair for the girl should you immediately get into a relationship with her and having to put up with your post break-up emotions? Also, why jump into a relationship when you've only some of the girls for a while? Take time to be friends with them. You are wanting it too fast. Dating a girl for 3 years DOES NOT mean you are better or worse in getting girls compared to previously, neither does it mean you will get a date real that soon. Also, you are wanting too much a bit unrealistically for the moment. And because you are not getting what you want, you are appearing slightly desperate and more insecure. You need time for yourself. Spend time with your family, your best mates, occupy your time by doing things you enjoy, meeting new friends and TAKING IT SLOW. Don't let your ego get to you as well and eventually making you insecure. You don't need a girlfriend (even if you want to have one) to make you a better person.

    P.S.: Sorry I totally don't understand the phrase "Can You girls subconsciously tell I'm not there even though I show and say nothing about my past?" and "Is it just a numbers game".

    • I am not going to disagree with You by any means. I know for sure I am not over my ex, but we don't talk. I love her, and I hate the fact that I do cause we aren't going to be together. And I know its not fair to bring someone else into my life. But truth is I've spent the last three years being selfless and now I'm a mess. And its not like she cheated on me, its just I can't accept the fact that I've failed her and myself, although I accept the relationship is over.

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    • P.S.: I just realized you typed more than a comment.

      Update: Try and make and meet new friends, but with the purpose of only stay as friends :) I hope what I've typed perhaps helped.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • I'm sorry

  • if you aren't looking for one night stands, just be friendly to every girl you meet and don't treat her like a potential girlfriend but more or less treat her like a potential friend. Just let her know you want her to be friends and if it happens in the future then it happens but if not then that's OK. I think once you are friends with a girl then you can slowly figure out if you want a relationship or not. Then if you don't, you can keep the friendship. But you may be scaring the girls off by coming on a bit too strong by flirting too much. I would recommend tone it down a bit and don't make it seem to desperate on your part. also why would you want to jump into a relationship so quickly if you know you still have feelings for your ex? the new girl will not like to deal with that. You should take some time to refigure out who you are a part from your ex. and learn to leave those feelings behind.

    well good luck


What Guys Said 1

  • you're-girlfriend-is-an-asshole-let-her-ruin-herself-with-another-guy-you-have-too-much-value

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