Is chasing a guy a turn off?

I’ve been talking to a guy for a while, sometimes we end a conversation and don’t talk for days, due to him never messaging first. I feel like I’m being annoying by always reaching out when it seems he doesn’t want to. Even though we have talked about going on a date, etc. Should I just stop reaching out?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Depends on the guy. More than three quarters of American men would appreciate being approached by women, according to some of the most in-depth surveys on the matter ever conducted. But that means over 20% aren't down. They want to adhere to traditional gender roles. I don't really see that as a bad thing, since it's not usually difficult to differentiate conservative values from progressive values within a conversation or two.
    Your intended may be shy, or lack confidence, or be very inexperienced, maybe some combination of these, or other possibilities. If you've already discussed going out, either he's waiting for you to make your move because you've obviously already set the board, or he isn't into you in that way and he only held up his end of that convo to be "nice".
    If I were you, I'd do two things. First, tell him in no uncertain terms how you feel and what you need from him before you further invest in him. Second, let him be. Give him some time to sort out his own thoughts and feelings, as well as reflect on the possibility of not having you around in his future. He may come around, he may not. Try not to take it personally if he doesn't. Lots of guys would LOVE an assertive girl.

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  • Ok for me I’m older so I think I yes you should. In my experience we as men aren’t as needy emotionally, there are some exceptions. So if this dude is toying w you, he k it’s he can do what he wants cause you’re always after him like a lost little puppy. Do you get what I mean? We both k ow that men play the field more than women, again some exceptions. If he’s truly interested then he will pursue you. That’s why women who are like you tend to get abused as far as a relationship cause you’ll let him do whatever, he cheats, I’m sorry I won’t ever do it again. Ok we’re back together, happens again. I hope this makes sense, some people may not like it but that’s what I think I. Im sure if you discontinue always messaging him he will probably message you to ask why. But then it could backfire, meaning he moves on. It’s a risk you take.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • This happened to me too with a guy. I decided to just stop messaging for a few days and he said “I miss you” I read that when you keep making the first text you take away the guys job? And that he has no reason to text you because you’re the one making the first move? Anyway I suggest to distant yourself a little to make him take control x

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  • People on here may tell you it's not wrong to chase a guy , but the truth is yes it's a turn off.
    Its because men like to be the assertive ones and go after the female they like , and they aren't used to women showing interest. Truth is , if you chase a woman he will run away and then if you stop he will come rolling back wondering why you stopped and if he likes you he may even chase you himself. That's just how things work.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 41

  • It's not a turn-off unless it becomes constant and overwhelming.

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  • If a guy can't or won't lead the woman will take over. They hate it, and lose respect, but will do it if pushed. This is the type of man that just never gets you wet.
    Weak men are loathed by women. They want a guy that can lead, is decisive, great in the sack, is good looking, and makes a lot of money. If he's a failure she'll never respect him.
    Why are you wanting to chase a guy that's a failure to pursue you? He's just not that interested or he would.

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  • dating & getting a job is the same, the more you get in front of their eyes the more likely you are to reach your goal.
    when you want a job you're going to annoy the hell out of those recruiters to get there.
    it's essentially the same for dating but it should not be approached the same way.
    approach dating with a little more caution.

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  • If u want too talk to him.. if u dont then dont.. but if ur doing cus u expect him to do it back then u will be disappointed everytime.. dont keep score on who text who first, if he still replying then he is intrested.. if he ghost u then u know he ain't

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  • As long as you're not literally running after him, it's fine. He's probably just comfortable with the idea that you like him, so you're probably not going to leave him.

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  • Yes. If he doesn't like you enough to make an effort, you really should find a better guy. (or girl).

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  • I think he needs to miss you sometimes, you can trick him, for example tell him I really like talking to you, then stop calling him some days, I am sure he will call you

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  • If he never hits you up first he's most likely not interested. If he knows you like him though hell probably reach out first more often. He probably just doesn't wanna seem like he's bugging you

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  • Chasing anyone is a turn-off. By all means give out your signals but if there is no reaction they are out of the picture. End of story.

    I hate the games people play.

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  • No I like it when a girl messages me first even though I'm the one who usually messages first, it sounds like he's not interested, I wouldn't even bother with him at all anymore if I were you

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  • He might just be introverted or just shy. You could ask him about it the next time you meet with him in person.

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  • If he is talking about dating you are ok - Chasing or full on is when your attention is unwanted

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  • Yeah just take a step back
    If he is really interested he would text you all day and everyday

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  • Probably no it won't be a turn off... but hey that person's opinions matter so I would ask him straight if he's interested or not...

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  • Not at all. Anyone can look desperate so you have to be careful but a lot of guys enjoy the extra attention.

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  • I would be honoured and flattered if a girl chases me. Also boosts a bit self esteem

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  • I've never been chased but I would like to try it on really tired of chasing women

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  • don't chase anyone not just "a guy", not friends or anyone

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  • I see it as a compliment. But there is no guarantee for ''results'' that you wish for. But try.

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  • I'd say if it's constant you chasing, then let him chase you. If he doesn't respond for a few weeks then don't bother. It all depends on the guy

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  • It kinda is. Not that he don't like you anymore but he won't put as much as effort as he usually would to be with you.

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  • I don't think so... being chased would be flattering and I'm not gonna lie even turn me on a little

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  • Chasing a guy is not a turn off to me. It would be a nice change from doing all the chasing lol

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  • NO. just don't become a stalker then that's when and the only time a guy can call a girl creepy.

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  • You can't read his mind. So you should ask him what he thinks.

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  • Chasing totally doesn't. saying you care really helps.

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  • if it is annoying yes

    if it isn't annoying, maybe not

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  • Let him wonder where you been try to let him do the the chaseing

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  • No it's a turn on

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  • lets chase each other

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What Girls Said 12

  • If a guy never messaged me first i'd stop messaging him personally because id feel they weren't interested but do what you think is best.

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  • This is a tricky one. Some guys like getting the surefire sign that a girl is interested in them & even for the girl to make the move, but being too persistent can make you seem easy or clingy and most guys like a bit of a challenge I would say

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  • I don’t chase men, your either in or in the way. I know what I want and if your not on the same page I move on. I’m too old for bullshit games.

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  • Depends on the guy. Some guys may see it as a sign of desperation, and some may see it as a turn on

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  • If he never messages first he's probably not interested as much as you are.

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  • Yes just do that... Let him miss you

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  • With a knife it would be for sure.

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  • Chasing people is good exercise

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  • Yep...

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  • Absolutely

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  • if u want just call him, make it simple

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  • Depends on the guy.

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