How do you "reconnect" when your lover is constantly on the go?

my boyfriend has a WEIRD schedule. he also goes home once a month. it would be cool, and I'd even join him, but his parents are racists (they hate the idea of white girls for their son) so he hasn't told them about me. i think he should take vacations with guy friends and see his folks... my issue is, i feel so seperated when he is gone. there is "distance". how do i over come this when he returns? it almost feels like i have to start dating him all over again! should i mention this to him? should i pretend it does not exist?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Well first you should talk to him about it the fact that he hasn't told his family about you showed he is trying to hide you or doesn't take it seriously and furthermore if you feel like you are having to start over every time he does come home then the communication is a big problem even when he is gone it should feel like you are there when you talk

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    • last time we talked he said that he knew he had to tell them, but asked if i could allow him to do this on his time. his family may disown him over me, so its understandably not a simple conversation. i dont want to be the reason they break it off with him, but i think breaking up with them before any reaction is premature

  • If your rejected from his family because of your color do you really want to be any part of that?

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    • i dont know. i have put thought into this and its very complex. my family likes him very much and invites him around often.

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    • um no. plenty of westernized people from this cukture are fully accepted and intermarry. its not like that

    • Good Luck God bless

Most Helpful Girl

  • Well to start off your not in a relationship your merely a women he goes home to and lay up with when he’s not gone. Reading his automatically makes me think your a side chick especially since he hasn’t told your family. If he really deeply loves you no matter the circumstance he would have told his family about u regardless of the things they’ll say. My friend (Hispanic) is dating an African American guy and her parents despises this to the core and now she’s pregnant. She told her parents despite them already disowning her etc because her boyfriend is not like them. Her mom is a lawyer and dad is engineer. Love should not be hidden. I would talk to him about introducing u to his family or at least telling them and if he refuses that means his love for u isn’t as strong as u think because Romeo and Juliet did anything to be together out of “love” so if he can’t to me he doesn’t love u as much as u think. I would prepare ur self mentally and emotionally

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    • I ment especially he hasn’t told his family

    • i dont think so. all the people we work with, even his boss, know I'm his hirlfriend. he goes on vacation with my daughter and i and has pushed to get to know her. he tells me he wants a serious relationship. we are even goong on vacation with his friends. its just his folks. in their culture my being white is very bad amongst the majority.

    • Well if he’s doing all those then that’s different. Hopefully he gets the courage to speak to them about you

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • Tell him and see if you guys can find a middle ground

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  • Doesn't sound like a very good relationship, too many negative things surrounding you.

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  • Start as a friend and close conversation in some curious topic to make them excited. That's it you need to do. Then he itself start convo with you.

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  • He should give you priority. You shouldn't hesitate but freely ask him for this.

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  • Yes let him know how you feel. Best talk it out with him and make some wise choices

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  • Here's a crazy idea, DON'T DISCONNECT!

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  • How often, and for how long does he go?

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  • Yes. You need to have a BIGGG talk about this. Relationships are destroyed when you pretend something bad isn't happening.

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  • Is he a pro wrestler?

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What Girls Said 6

  • You sound like my past relationship except he was gone 4 days out of the week. But he never told anyone about me (except that he had a girlfriend). He wouldn't tell anyone I'm black because he said every white person he knew was racist and didn't like black people, including his family.

    Dated for nearly 2 years on and off. It did not get better. Run away.

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    • his friends of his culture do know about me. i brought it up yesterday because he answered the phone from his mom when i was there and said he was "out", not specifying with whom. i asked him when he would say something and if he was afraid of his parents reaction. he said he planned to after a vacation they have planned for next week.

      we shall see. he also said they qould eventually accept it but are likely more worried what others will think of them opposed to hating me themselves. this is slightly reassuring, though it is sad. it saddens me because all my fam and friends love him and i want his fam to love me too. fam ties are very important to me. but then again my fam is awesome in the fact that they are seriously good kind loving people.

  • Why is he only home once a month and for how long?

    What do you mean take vacations and ser his people? What do you want him to do? Where do you want him to go?

    Try to tell him you feel hurt by the fact he hasn’t told about you to his family and that you miss him. See what he gonna do. If the guy never prioritizes you why are you then gonna be with him?

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  • How long have yalls been together? Are yalls looking for the same thing in a serious long term relationship?

    It sounds like you need to be honest with him on how you’re feeling and what you’re concern of. So he will be aware of it and you guys can reach a compromise. Yeah it is hard when a parent ain’t okay with interracial relationship. I’m Asian, my boyfriend is white. As much as I want my parents to approve of him, idc even if they don’t bc who I wanna be with for my happiness is my choice.

    Def don’t push him if he ain’t ready, but these conversations are impt if yalls wanna be serious and happy long-term. If he’s too scare and never think he’s gonna introduce you just for this reason, he might not be for you in your future. It’s normal to feel like you hella miss him bc he is gonna be home to his fam right? I don't know what you mean by feeling “distance” with him and wanting him to do a bros trip tho.

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  • I find it hard to feel secure in a relationship if not everyone knows that we're together. Even though they don't like it culturally, doesn't mean they won't accept you if they got to meet and know you. If he's serious as you say he is, and he really wants this; then his happiness should be their real concern and if they see his happiness and choice of partner, they should accept you.

    What are the risks if they don't understand and don't accept you? Have you discussed it? This in itself is paramount for your survival so you should certainly talk to him about it.

    Now there are many things you can do to bridge the gap you feel when he's not home. Keep texting while he's away - and he should call you when he's away. Keep your communication going; keep each other involved - talk about your day and ask about his. Send pictures, Skype/face-time if you can.
    How often is he away? How long have you dated?

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  • Send him flirty texts, or naughty pictures while he's gone. Tell him how much you miss him and all the things you wanna do to him whenever he gets back.

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  • By telling him to turn on Skype and by giving him a striptease show ;-)

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