I really like a guy, but I'm afraid to talk to him?

I've got a crush on a boy in my grade, but I've got Social Anxiety, and I'm too afraid to approach him. Whenever I ask my friends for advice, they just tell me to go up and talk to him, as if it's so simple. But to me, it just seems impossible. I haven't spoken to him since 6th grade, but the conversations we did have are ones I'll never forget.

I've heard that Middle School and High School relationships normally don't last, and I want my first boyfriend to be someone I'm certain to stay with for longer than just a week. I've tried so hard to get over this crush, but it just seems impossible. I've been crushing on this guy since 6th grade, (I'm an 8th grader) and I'm honestly at a loss. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd want to know if you have been diagnosed- by a psychologist- with Social Anxiety Disorder. Many more people are anxious in certain one-on-one situations, without really having the disorder. That said, are there any interests that you share? Perhaps he is in the Science Club or plays tennis. You could ask him about a science problem from school or happen to bump into him at the tennis courts. Or, use a group of people to be more comfortable... Maybe take a couple of close friends to meet with him and a couple of his friends and make it a group event.

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    • I have not been diagnosed by a psychologist, but show constant signs of having Social Anxiety. Constantly being nervous during social events, even to the point of crying. Confrontation, being called on by the teacher, and having the spotlight on me gives me a horrible feeling of dread, and I just become a nervous wreck afterward. Both of my parents also have bad social anxiety (and have been diagnosed with it), so I don't know if that plays any part in why I have it.

      Thanks for the suggestion, by the way! As far as I know, he's good friends with one of my friend's crushes, and if I could convince her to talk to her crush, then I could probably gather the confidence to talk to mine at the same time.

    • Statistically, if both parents had SA due to heredity, the odds of your having it doubled. If you're in a position to get medical/counseling help, I'd suggest doing that. Adolescence is hard enough without being scared to interact. As far as coping with daily life, maybe take it in steps. Start just by saying "hi, how was the last Math test?" (or whatever) & working from there. Learn to ask "open-ended" questions requiring explanations. Ex: "What did you think of the last math test at school?" or, "If a genie gave you three wishes, what would they be?" If you ask a few good questions in a situation, you will be amazed at how good of a conversationalist others will think YOU are. Maybe read "How to stop worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie for general help. About your friend helping- she would be your "wingman" (or wingwoman), a role where she supports, runs "interference" & "recon", working on the "inside" for you when you're approaching current/potential boyfriends. Good luck!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly that's the only thing you really can do! Or have one of your best friends talk to him for you so you dont have to deal with what he says upfront. I did that my sophomore year about homecoming. The guy rejected me and I got to hear it from my bestfriend instead of him up close.

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    • It's a bit easier said than done. I don't know if its the social anxiety, but the whole reason I haven't confessed is that I have a fear of being rejected. The thought of being turned down scares me a lot, and I don't think I could handle rejection.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Leave an anonymous note in his locker.

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    • I've taken that thought into consideration throughout the duration of crushing on him, but I'd have no idea what I'd say. Thanks for the advice, by the way!

    • Say, "I'm a girl. I think you're cute. I like you."
      Or you could try tbe old routine of walking up to him and dropping your books. If he's a gentleman, he'll help you pick them up. Then you can complain how heavy they are. If he carries them for you, you're set.

What Girls Said 1

  • Hobbies! If you share any hobbies with him, then it should be easier to start a conversation with him. Like for example, if you both like basketball, ask him what his favorite player or team is and go from there :) if you got no common hobbies then just tell him you like his shirt, pants, haircut, or the way he smells, hopefully he complements you back. Good luck :D

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