Can I assume he ghosted me if I never made any effort to contact him again either?

I sometimes think about an old flame and how amazing our chemistry and sex was then quickly come to the conclusion we fizzled out because he stopped writing me. However, when I’m thinking about it fairly, I know that I never made any effort to write him or show my feelings for him when I had the chance so can I really put the blame on him? I hid my feelings to protect myself from rejection.
A year later after no contact at all he ended up texting me out of the blue to see how I was doing and if he could see me again. I didn’t reply because I knew he had a new girlfriend and replying just didn’t feel right. He wrote me again the next day calling me out for not replying to his text. Again, I didn’t reply.
Everyone tells me to forget about it but for some reason I can’t. I keep hoping time will make my feeling go away.
I would assume if he had really been that interested in me he would have made it known, which is the most hypocritical thing I could say. What should I do in this position? Should I keep riding it out hoping time fixes all? So much time has passed that I think it would be somewhat weird to profess my feelings for him now. My conscience wouldn’t allow me to do that especially while he has a girlfriend. I feel I need an answer or some type of closure. Has anyone else been in a similar situation or have any advice on what I can do to move on?


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What Guys Said 2

  • There's nothing wrong replying to a greeting though, i mean i had something like this and we greet each other once in a while. On the hanging out part though, it depends on what his intentions are. If its a friendly meeting, then sure why not.

    Though on a personal note, i do feel like you should've expressed your feelings more openly. I get where you're at, everyone fears rejection. But that's just how things work, you'll definitely learn more when you allow certain things to get to you (such as rejection). I've always thought of these things as ways for life to teach us.

    Like for relationships, that's a way for life to show you what can happen when two individuals become intimate. Breakups teach you to be strong and be forgiving, etc.

    I truly believe that if you really try your hardest to overcome this feeling, it will. It won't take a day, a week or a month. It will definitely take a long time, maybe a year or more. I get that you two were probably the best (liek you said good chemistry) and there's always going to be people who can't get over it. (like me lol)

    But the important thing here is that you don't exhaust yourself with these feelings. Don't be too hard on yourself.

    • Because our relationship was very sexually motivated, I felt like I would have been causing trouble to reply to him while I knew he had a girlfriend and I have all these repressed feelings for him. It just felt like the wrong thing to do. I really wanted to reply though, I had been wanting him to contact me again ever since the last day we spoke. It seriously took super human strength for me not to haha.
      Thank you so much for your advice it was really helpful and written perfectly. It made me feel better :)

    • Ah i see, you seem to be someone with a good sense of morality though, and being considerate of others which is of course good :Y Hope everything goes well :d

  • Yeah, you're a hypocrite. If you don't feel it in your gut that you should be with him again, then by all means, move on. But part of me thinks its just straight up rude to ignore someone's text twice in a row. Just say you aren't interested

    • I only ignored his text because he has a girlfriend now. Him and I had a very sexually motivated relationship when we were still in contact. Going to meet up with him and answering his texts felt like I could potentially cause trouble in his relationship especially if you take into account my feelings for him

What Girls Said 1

  • I have been in a similar situation. If he didn't care to reach out & you didn't either. You both made a conscious decision to stop communicating. You were not a priority to him & vice versa. Knowing he has a girlfriend, you did the right thing. Sounds like he might just want a booty call. You should move on. Usually us women get emotionally attached , it's not that may for most men esievially if he just let it fizzle out. He didn't pursue or chase you. Do not tell him about your feelings. He will use it to bed you.


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