Do you think it was wrong of me? Should the new guy know?

I broke up with my on and off abusive ex boyfriend in January. After I broke up with him a few months later my ex would constantly message me all the time every month but I never answered him. Two months ago I gave in but I was not all lovey dovey with him we just talked about random things. We still talk here there since then. Why did I answer him? Because the way we ended things was hard to move on from. It was traumatic and I felt like I was stuck but wanted to move on. It was a horrible feeling. There was no closure, so reconciling with him has actually helped because:

1) He trys to hit on me and get all sexual and it just confirms my point that he's just a sleazebag and I should move on because I deserve better than a guy like that who treats love like a game.

2) Two months ago I also met this guy who I now hang out with all the time.

We have never kissed or hooked up, we are not official, we don't really flirt, or go on romantic dates but we enjoy each others company. We did go out to a restaurant once but after that it was mostly just friend type things. Recentley he caught me off guard and put his arm around me. It surprised me because he has never really shown affection and I thought he wasn't into me, I liked it so I let him. He confessed that he likes me over text, but I feel like I haven't developed feelings yet. I think spending more time will do it and now that I have closure I will slowly cut contact with the ex.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If the new guy asks then you should be honest and say you are still friends with your ex. However I have never believed in friends after a breakup unless it was completely 100% mutual. I still think it is unhealthy to be talking to a ex while you are moving on. If I were you I would just stop with the ex and focus on the new guy and dating.

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    • Yeah I would. Neither have I until now--it's very new to me. For some reason I just felt like it was something I needed to do. I agree 100% it is unhealthy and it is something I plan on.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Yes your new guy should know, and you should be asking his advice on how to deal with it yourself; being careful to respect his advice and feelings but not allow him to directly insert himself into the situation or interfere. You won't benefit by pitting either guy against the other, but you will benefit from being open and honest and direct with your new boyfriend; and just honest and direct with your old one. Make sense?

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    • Any advice on how to break it to him? I'm really worried he won't trust me anymore if I do. At first I thought it was fine because we weren't official but now I kinda feel sneaky and I don't like it.

    • Ya, for sure. Can you follow me and pm me so we can discuss it?

What Girls Said 1

  • If your ex was abusive I can't see any reason on hell's earth that you would still be even talking to him.

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    • You never will unless it's happened to you but I do understand your thinking.

    • I don't know, it just seems like girls enable the behavior by putting up with it.

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