Boyfriend Still In-Love With His EX?

I knew from the beginning that he had been deeply in-love, and was still very deeply in-love, with his ex girlfriend. During the course of their relationship, they'd been both lovers and close friends and he apparently worshipped the ground she walked on. However, I didn't mind, because she was in the past and we were the future. Flash forward 3 months into our relationship and he's in-love with me now (tells me he loves me several time a day), but is interested in being friends again with his ex girlfriend. He disclosed having messaged her on Facebook and even detailed to me how they've been talking again (I hadn't needed to snoop or anything, he just outright told me so I trust him), and how they even mentioned possibly meeting up. However, she went cold and started acting un-friendly toward him, hurting his feelings. He recognizes that he's being stupid in pursuing this "friendship", and that she didn't even treat him properly when they were together, but (imo) he can't seem to shake his love for her. I have a few questions... like should I be concerned or hurt? How can I help him move on further from her? Or is this not healthy for either of us?

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What Guys Said 1

  • This is the case of the warning sign that you ignored. You can't really be angry at someone for being loyal to a former lover; it may be stupid, but he is not doing this for the purpose of hurting you.

    I would be suspicious of his claims of being in love with you. He may be feeling guilty about his feelings for the ex, and he nay be trying to convince himself that he is in love with you, but. . . you are right, he is still in love with her.

    He can't be her friend but that doesn't mean that he is available to be a good boyfriend to you. You may not be ready to do this but you will probably need to move on from him in the near future. It doesn't need to be an angry break up but it needs to be a no contact break up, because that is what he needs to resolve his feelings for the ex, and you don't need to get sucked back into this situation by remaining "friends" (lover in waiting) and watching his ex situation from a distance.

    Pause and learn a lesson about being the rebound so that you can avoid doing this again in the future. Most of us have done this at some point and we all need to learn the hard way, so learn your lesson and move forward!

    Good luck!

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    • This is what I was about to say. Glad I don't have to type.

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