A girl I have been dating told me she was raped, how to deal with her telling me this?

I’ve been dating this girl for 3 months and today she told me she was drugged and raped by three guys. Not going to go in detail but she went to a hotel room and was giving a drink that had molly in it. Three guys took advantage of her and two other girls were taken of advantage as well. The problem is that she still talks to the guy that drugged her. I told her to stop talking to the guy and cut all contact with him. She told me he will be no problem and I shouldn’t worry about him, because she doesn’t plan on hanging out with him again. This happened early this year before I met her. What should be my next move to make her comfortable and not think I will judge her.. I just want to show her that I’m here for her and care for her.
Let me add some more information. This guy was in her college classes last semester and couldn’t get away from him. After the semester was over she stopped talking to him. And then she meet me. When the fall semester started he started to text/call her. I told her she should stop talking to him completely. She didn’t just tell me out of the blue. I did push her to talk about it. She didn’t want to tell me about it in the first place.


Most Helpful Girl

  • There are red flags
    Being drugged and raped is not one of them that can happen to anyone
    But these are the red flags :
    Do u know if she was lying to you when she said she drugged and raped?
    Why would she still talk to a guy that did that to her?
    She doesn't wanna tell you about it?
    She said you shouldn't worry about him if he supposedly did that then why shouldn't u worry what if he does it again?
    Has she even called the police?
    Has she got checked?
    Why would she even go to a hotel with 3 other guys ( or supposedly ) ?

    My advice is go know if she is telling the truth then I advise u to ask her to go get her checked out for being raped and drugged..
    Spending on how long ago it was . they should be able to do it

    • She has talked to me about going and getting tested for any diseases. Can they still test if she was raped? Because I have had sex with her.

    • Show All
    • That good

    • Thanks for the advice man. She told me and I just act like it never happened.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Unfortunately, some girls tell their current "good" boyfriends that they've been raped before when that didn't really happen. It happened to me with a past girlfriend. I was floored when she just out of the blue one evening told me she'd been raped. I wasn't sure how to respond. The next morning I phoned a very close friend of hers that I was always on the level with. I was still shocked that this girl I was in a relationship with had been raped. The friend basically said "Oh hell. She got drunk one night and went home with the guy and had sex with him. She wasn't raped." Some girls (I said "some") do this kind of thing as a way of getting attention. Others are ashamed that they shagged the guy and feel better about it if they can claim they were raped.

    • Ok what should I do. Just not bring it up. I like her a lot and she didn’t just come out of the blue and told me this. I kinda did push her to tell me.

    • I'm not sure what to tell you. When I first read your question I was very skeptical because she was still in contact with the guy who was an accomplice to her supposedly being raped.

    • True I told her to stop talking to him. He has tried to hangout with her but she just ignores him or says no. Fun part is that she told him about me.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Uhhh... think about this, she was supposedly drugged and raped by a guy she still talks to and she thinks that telling you this or that the situation itself isn’t an issue.

    Any sirens or red flags popping up here... at all?

  • Meh. It obviously doesn't affect her that much if she's not disgusted and still talks to them. If anything, that's sort of goes against what she says.

    • She doesn’t talk to him a lot. She told me that he just started to talk to her again wwwhen school started. He has invited her to events but she has said no to him. When she’s not a school she’s with me.

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    • Still. don't. Care.
      Raped people DON'T talk to their rapists if they can help it!

    • True. To be honest I think she’s just got drunk and had a wild night of sex. It happened before she met me. So it’s the past, I’m just not going to worry about it. If she bring the topic back up I’m ask her to tell me the whole truth.

  • Just be there and don’t rush or pressure her. If she wants to talk about it then listen if she doesn’t then just let it be until she is ready to talk. Know it doesn’t sound like much but her just know that you care about her it’s the best you can do.


What Guys Said 6

  • Wow. That blows my mind. She still talks to the guy that drugged and raped her.

    • Exactly. One time he called her when she was at my house. And started to act weird. I sense something was wrong then. She’s in college and he isn’t the same major as her. So there’s a chance she will run into him.

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    • She seriously needs to get therapy. If she keeps that bottled up it will keep effecting her every day life.

    • I’m the second person she has every told. I told her that what they did was wrong and it was not her fault. I’m just be cool and only talk about it wheeen she brings it up.

  • If she does not cut the conection to him cut the connection to her or it will destroy you. (what she has to him sounds like stockholm Syndrom)

  • You don't she does , just be kind and not judgmental ..

  • I have plenty of females who have been raped
    don't even waste your time

    most don't want help

    i recommend they just kill their rapist
    and have closure

  • What a dumb bitch for talking to him, is she looking to get raped again

  • Sounds like the complete truth is not being told.

    • Should I just forget about it and not worry?

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    • Yeah. She sounds like one who's not completely truthful.

    • True but I’m just not bring it up. She’s been loyal to me and good to me so far.

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