What’s the difference between a relationship being built off love vs off of lust?


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Most Helpful Guys

  • I am one of those types who cannot tell a difference between "love" and "lust". I have seen charts like these:

    dazzlevine.files.wordpress.com/.../...-or-love.jpg

    And that might click for some people but not me.
    1) I always wanted what was best for another person when I really wanted them (short of them breaking up with me and going to someone else).
    2) It was always *both* a feeling and decision on my part.
    3) I'd always want to protect her if she was in any danger. She was very valuable and precious to me.
    4) I never loved anyone unconditionally. If my sister turned out to be a serial killer who kills children for fun, I don't think I could continue loving her. I don't establish many conditions for my love, but I don't think I could continue to love a girl if I found out she cheated on me left and right, for example.
    5) It's always been a balance of giving and taking for me.

    Things of this sort. These charts make no sense to me. I cannot tell lust from love, even for my wife of 10 years.

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    • The only time I can tell "lust" from "love" is when it is so obvious and blatant, like thinking some girl has a nice ass but not caring about her at all. But that is only for complete strangers. If we started dating and getting to know each other then I'd start to care about her, and then according to the chart above it'd be a blur between "love" and "lust".

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    • I like your answer. As far as starting to care about someone because you started dating them and you once just lusted them then I believe that’s true as well. Lust can turn into you caring or loving a person but it’s only love and you only know you truly care for them based off how you act in the relationship. Like if you cheat on the person you once had lust for but then started dating then I think the love hasn’t came to be yet or if you still don’t respect him or her.

    • In my case lust of a very primitive kind of pure sexual desire comes easily to me. :-D So I understand that distinction easily, as I could see a stranger of a girl bending over and find her very sexually appealing. But once I date a girl, and we connect, then I don't see the difference anymore. And I've never been the type to cheat, especially not for a girl I'm lusting/loving (again I can't tell the difference but either way I'd care about her a lot).

  • Honestly, I think that there has to be a healthy amount of both in order to form a romantic relationship. “Lust” gets demonized in our culture today, but I think that it’s 100% necessary to form the beginning of a relationship, because let’s be honest, if it isn’t there, there’s nothing that makes you have that spark of interest in the first place, and lust, in and of itself, is desire, which you should feel for your s/o. But I think what you’re really asking Ian “how do I know I’m not being taken advantage of sexually?” Well look, honestly, if you’re getting together more to hook up than to see each other, that’s when you’ve reached that point.

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    • in my opinion, a relationship should be based mostly off of love at the beginning. For example; A friend that you suddenly started to have romantic feelings for. Of course there’s going to be some degree of lust, but the relationship should start based on love primarily. Lust comes second.

      (My opinion)

Most Helpful Girls

  • LOVE: It can develop from lust, but usually it doesn't. Most often it develops from friendship. It is when you truly care about other person's well being. You care and you interested in their life, their goals, their problems, their dreams, their sadness, their happiness. You want to be with them through it all and you want to help out as much as you can, not because you are expecting them to return a favor or to love you more because of it or to prove that you love them, but because you truly feel it in your humanly instinct and desire to do all that unconditionally because it makes YOU happy. They feel like family member. You spend quality time together and talk about deep stuff. You can be 100% yourself around them and you don't have fear or doubts that they will leave you because you know they exactly the same way about you. Not because they told you so, but because you FEEL how they feel, you just know. You will feel responsible for them and their feelings and it won't bother you, that responsibility will make you the best version of yourself. Words won't be a measurement of love, only actions. You might find yourselves not being as lovey-dovey as other couples but that will only make you feel relieved because you will realize that those other couples are building out of lust, while your relationship is something different. It feels so peaceful.

    LUST: It hits really fast and really hard. Just upon one meeting you feel an enormous amount of chemistry towards this person. You can't explain it, you feel as if you know them your whole life or from another life. They freeze your brain and your logical thinking, feeding your body and your emotions with this unknown kind of feeling. You It's like being under drugs, all you want to do is be around them, kiss them, touch them, cuddle them, have passionate sex with them and tell the whole world about how much you are drawn to them. You feel like you never felt before. You hangout all the time, you text all the time, you talk all the time, and the most thing you care about is that feeling and making it last. You can't spend quality time with them because you can't resist having sex with them, and you can't talk about deep stuff because you can't stop kissing. It's such an amazing feeling that you want to last forever. It doesn't matter if you are not compatible because you think that if it feels this good it must be love.

    To be continued...

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    • You make excuses for the lack of meaningful things and you over-look your important differences. Your conversations are mostly about how much you want each other, how much you miss each other, how you make each other feel, etc. You are on cloud 9. And then it just stops, because lust doesn't last.

    • My brother up and left his girlfriend of a year for another girl he met while away at a job program. He Didn’t tell her why or what she did, she found out he was cheating on her and he left. Next thing she knew he was tagging the new girl in post on Facebook he made a post of pictures and videos of the two of them together saying how much he loved Her and he knew his ex would see and weeks and days prior to that he was still telling her how he loved her. They were a normal couple and he wasn’t unhappy and before she knew it he left her and plastered his new relationship all on Facebook. He got a apartment with the girl. Bought her a ring. Still tags her cute little post But he tells me how he still hits up his ex, flirting, being sexual even after the fact. He thinks he has a problem.

    • It's because he got infatuated with the new girl. For lust. He was following his lust feeling. Don't get me wrong, lust is a very powerful feeling. Some people even call it love. And if a couple can commit, then relationships build on lust can last. It's usually for the sake kids, marriage, social acceptance, habit, fear of loneliness, etc. But those relationships are just meh. It's alright but it's meh. Lust fades away and then they either cheat on each other wanting to get lust feeling again from someone else, stay committed and unhappy, or leave. The main difference between love and lust is that lust and temporary and love can last forever. And no matter how strong lust is, love is still stronger. Love beats everything. Once you find love, you become immune to lust.

      Your brother does have a problem. He is emotionally immature. He never loved his ex, that relationship was also build of lust. Any emotionally mature person knows that giving into lust is just not worth it.

  • If you love someone, you are best friends, want to spend every minute of your time with them, and are sad at the thought of never seeing them again.
    If you lust for someone you won't be close friends, you find them more attractive than anything else and you could take them or leave them.

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    • Sad as in I miss you sad or you’ve been playing the game all day come to bed kind of sad or you haven’t texted me back today or all day sad

    • Sad as in you couldn't imagine living without them, you would consider suicide if you found out they died. You will miss them after any amount of time spent apart.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 47

  • Relationships built off lust are based off emotions, relationships built off love are based of a duty of reciprocity, Love is not an emotion, it's a state of doing favours back and forth and in the process of this exchange, a connection weaved together, the more exchange, the more pieces of thread to the bond.

    Get it right people and you will save yourself a lot of problems.

    1) Write a list of all the things you need from a partner for them to do in order for your happiness in the relationship to be maintained. Be honest with yourself and pick those things that are true to your spirit.
    Give it to the person who says they love you and then watch closely.

    If they are DUTIFUL and make it a concerned effort to make sure they check off those things on your list, then that person is sincerely working towards earning your love, the truth is, you actually can't help but love a person who ticks off everything on your list again and again and again.
    It's those who say they love you but call in sick and skip points on the list, those are probably the ones who you should make sure you keep your distance as Trojan horses cause the most damage

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  • 1. Love is always kind. Lust isn't even always nice.
    2. Love cares about your person. Lust cares about your body.
    3. Love is understanding and forgiving. Lust holds grudges and is unreasonable.
    4. Love works out differences. Lust can breed violent arguments.
    5. Love brings the best out of you. Lust brings the worst out of you.

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  • That it

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  • A relationship built off of love is one which you face the good and bad as one. It is more about being together because each other mean far more to one another, whereas a lust relationship is... Best way to describe one would be friends with benefits... A lust relationship will always be lacking something.

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  • In the first case it is much deeper, much more special and has a chance of lasting. When its based on Lust it will feel incredible but it will fade and collapse once your out of the infatuation phase and it becomes mundane.

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  • I can say about lust
    She wouldn't mind if you aren't her type
    she would tell you she loves you even if she didn't
    She would lie to you all the time and fake who is she
    She would leave you when she is done
    Everything would look perfect , until you find out it was all for lust !
    Everything would be the opposite in love

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  • Huge!!!
    Lust is very temporary and destructive even though it can seem all good at first.
    The point is that however deep the relationship got up to the point of sex is how far it will ever go, never getting any deeper resulting in pain and resentment and hate

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  • Respect is probably the big one, but there's also the fact that they aren't in the relationship to be with each other, they're just there because it feels good. In my experience, feelings can change like the wind.

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  • I don't know how it's possible to jus lust someone. .. when im in a lustful relarionship for more than 2 weeks I usually fall in love also... but maybe I jus have a wrong idea of what love is...

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    • Is love the feeling you get when you feel like (particular persons personality) is perfect, and jus want to kiss and hug them all the time and do things for them, like. make them breakfast in bed or buy them presents?
      Or is that something else?

  • All core things in reality. They would both have different intents, interests, personalities, they would view things differently from the other relationship

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  • Lust tends to degrades with time as we age or shange.

    Love only degrades if we fuck it up.

    Both are needed to make sense relationship for the long run.

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  • initially, not a whole lot.
    real difference is downstream - the latter has a lot better chance of remaining after 6 months.

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  • Built on love, means you both care about each other, not to get something, but just because you care. Love also means you want what is best for the other person, and you help them get to where they want to be, because you want to see them succeed for their own good. Lust, means you want in her pants, and are more interested in getting in her pants, than is doing what is good for her. You may be very caring and nice to her, but underneath, it's at least partly a sham, as you do this to get in her. Love is about caring for the other person. Lust is about caring about yourself.

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  • You share the same interests and have a common goal. You care about there well being there's definitely lust like elements in love but that's only just another part

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  • Simple, lust is more physical/sexual attraction and aside from that you don’t have much else in common.

    Love, you can have both. But ultimately it’s about the personality

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  • Could be a lot of difference, perhaps little difference or none whatsoever. People and their motives change. Could start based on lust or love, doesn't matter.

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  • A relationship built on love is a relationship built on a continuous and conscious choice to be bonded to another person, to seek deeper intimacy and companionship, and to will their greater good.

    A relationship built on lust is a relationship of use.

    What people don't seem to understand is that there is a difference between attraction and lust. Attraction is the basic framework on which a deeper and more authentic love is built, or rather the seed. Lust is when you stay in that initial phase and don't seek anything deeper. You're only with that person for their body, their connections and resources, or otherwise as a trophy of some sort.

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  • In the first one, you always try to retain each and every part of the memory... And in the other you try to forget everything trying to convince yourself saying it was just a bad mistake...

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  • What makes you think that lust is something different from love?

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    • Lusit is manily aimed more for your physical attibutes and your body

  • The difference is that one has love, and the other doesn't. Really, your question answers itself.

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  • Big difference built off Love is sacrificial waiting to bless the other one. One on lust is trying to take from the other one for own self

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  • Love is when you feel a deep, personal connection to the person your with whereas Lust is a deep-seated need to satisfy your urges

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  • the one off of lust will have sex every day whilst not showing affection.

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  • You can feel the love pulling on your heart where as the lust is pulling on something else 😉.

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  • Easy. One is romance the other is friends with benefits

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  • Lust is about what you want, love is about what you can do

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  • One will be a good relationship and one will be a worse relationship

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  • When, SHTF u STAY, BUT just bc NOT EASY. COMMITTED vs. Interested ;)

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  • Lust is for infidels! Crusaders must live their ladies and must invade their holylands asap.

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  • In my experience, the one built on lust doesn't last.

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What Girls Said 21

  • When you're with someone because of lust, you don't feel comfortable sharing your real self with them as there's no emotional bond/attraction, it feels purely physical. You don't plan your future around them because you don't picture them being part of it, and you want to keep the relationship 'fantasy' based instead of discussing deeper topics and growing your bond with the person, and slowly, the lustful attraction will fade. A relationship built on love, is the exact opposite of all of that.

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  • Lust relationships are the way to find somthing more solid, but i would not be in anything serious if the lust wasn't there.

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  • Love is when
    u truly love someone
    Respect
    Loyal
    Faith
    Trust
    Honesty
    No Lying
    No cheating
    Devoted
    Committed
    Patience
    Forgiveness
    Etc

    Lust is when u just want to have sex with that person and nothing more nor nothing less
    You don't wanna be committed you don't wanna respect
    You don't wanna forgive
    You don't wanna trust
    And etc

    All u care about is sex and that is it..

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  • Love in a relationship is where you dont bother with anyone but just with that special person and you involve your sweetheartin everything you do and its not a bother at all. Lust is where, you enjoy that person, but when you do something else, you dont invite or phone or just to say hey lets do something today, the relationship drags on and thats how i know the difference... but i could be way off. So you dont have to agree with me.

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  • Love and lust should come together. Relationship based on lust only you can recognise when your partner comes up with many “ifs”, when your opinion, needs and wishes are not respected. You both should compromise on things though. If he/she doesn’t bother what you think or how their actions affect you, it’s not love. True love relationship is unconditional.

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  • Ones from last have the potential to become love whereas ones from love only have the potential to become less, plus in my opinion every relationship begins with lust, you can't love someone at first sight (unless you have birthed them)

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  • They tend to last if it’s based off love.

    More trust

    Communication

    Avoids feelings of insecurity

    Avoids jealousy

    Less chance of cheating

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  • a relationship built off lust is shallow and will not make it through difficult times. A relationship built off of love has a stable foundation and will likely sustain during chaos

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  • love lasts and you fight through love, get through the obstacles because you want to be with that person.
    lust doesn't last, and if it does, it's weak with no real foundation.

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  • lust: high sexual attraction, actual compatibility?(idk)
    love: high personality compatibility, sexual attraction?

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  • You know when you love someone?

    You love a person when you find them sexually attractive but can also feel like you can be with them even without having sex.
    If you are ever with a person and time seems to fly if even though you have nothing to talk about you still wanna be with them. Silence is never weird and you get a vague feeling that you know this man from before.

    No matter how hot another guy is he never seems to be better than him. This ladies and gentlemen is how I feel about my ex :'(

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  • The second one you will be tired of it because it is just based on sex but love is bigger than anything

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  • A relationship built off of love doesn’t need sex nor kissing every other week and that’s a fact. Some people really don’t dig deep when it comes to emotions and the way it works. You can’t find someone who gives you that “feeling” whenever you see them you get butterflies but you can find a lot of people to give you the orgasm you’re looking for or the few minute pleasure.

    I was kicking it with a guy who was a bit older than I was and since I didn’t want anything serious I made sure to hang out with him in public but no lovey dovey involved. We cracked jokes and it was a lot of fun. I’ve never kissed him before and we never had that interaction even though he wanted it. (Crazy)
    Till this day he’s chasing me down because I allowed him to discover his “feelings” before involving sex, kissing etc (which never happened).

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    • Long story short, that whole situation taught me something that real love stems from you wanted to sacrifice your time, effort, just to make sure that person is happy. Everything you do is based off of genuine feeling not the expectation of sex in the afternoon or sexual pleasure in the long run.

    • Lust is one sided. If I stop giving you materialistic items, sex, or anything that makes you feel good about yourself you will be gone the second I step my foot down. Real love is compromising not the things we don’t want to do but the things our partner allow us to embrace within our comfort zone that doesn’t make us feel like they’re leeching onto us.

  • When you love, you truly care about the person. When there's only lust, you want to just have sex and not deep conversations or something

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  • Mine was built off of lust that turned into love. I think the difference is there's a stronger passionate sexual attraction to add to the love. At least in my case. My last relationship was just strong in love and not lust. And the love carried us for 15 years. But unfortunately the lack of sexual desire on my part left him looking for it outside of us. It wasn't that I didn't have sex with him. But I didn't feel a strong connection to him in that area so I wasn't passionate toward him. My connection was strong emotionally but that wasn't enough. Of course I didn't realize that he was unhappy until after he cheated because he didn't tell me. So I learned it was important to have both a strong love and sexual connection.

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  • Lust becomes love. You can’t start a relationship loving someone. Love is developed over time.

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  • The one who love you won't let you down for more pussy. The one who lust you and nothing more , will leave you the second you have a problem.

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  • Love is there forever and genuine whereas lust will not always be there and can be found anywhere

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  • One lasts and one doesn't

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  • Love without lust is platonic. That's all

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  • It’ll be obvious for me.. too many signs to mention so nvm

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