Most Helpful Guys
I am one of those types who cannot tell a difference between "love" and "lust". I have seen charts like these:
And that might click for some people but not me.
1) I always wanted what was best for another person when I really wanted them (short of them breaking up with me and going to someone else).
2) It was always *both* a feeling and decision on my part.
3) I'd always want to protect her if she was in any danger. She was very valuable and precious to me.
4) I never loved anyone unconditionally. If my sister turned out to be a serial killer who kills children for fun, I don't think I could continue loving her. I don't establish many conditions for my love, but I don't think I could continue to love a girl if I found out she cheated on me left and right, for example.
5) It's always been a balance of giving and taking for me.
Things of this sort. These charts make no sense to me. I cannot tell lust from love, even for my wife of 10 years.
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Honestly, I think that there has to be a healthy amount of both in order to form a romantic relationship. “Lust” gets demonized in our culture today, but I think that it’s 100% necessary to form the beginning of a relationship, because let’s be honest, if it isn’t there, there’s nothing that makes you have that spark of interest in the first place, and lust, in and of itself, is desire, which you should feel for your s/o. But I think what you’re really asking Ian “how do I know I’m not being taken advantage of sexually?” Well look, honestly, if you’re getting together more to hook up than to see each other, that’s when you’ve reached that point.
Most Helpful Girls
LOVE: It can develop from lust, but usually it doesn't. Most often it develops from friendship. It is when you truly care about other person's well being. You care and you interested in their life, their goals, their problems, their dreams, their sadness, their happiness. You want to be with them through it all and you want to help out as much as you can, not because you are expecting them to return a favor or to love you more because of it or to prove that you love them, but because you truly feel it in your humanly instinct and desire to do all that unconditionally because it makes YOU happy. They feel like family member. You spend quality time together and talk about deep stuff. You can be 100% yourself around them and you don't have fear or doubts that they will leave you because you know they exactly the same way about you. Not because they told you so, but because you FEEL how they feel, you just know. You will feel responsible for them and their feelings and it won't bother you, that responsibility will make you the best version of yourself. Words won't be a measurement of love, only actions. You might find yourselves not being as lovey-dovey as other couples but that will only make you feel relieved because you will realize that those other couples are building out of lust, while your relationship is something different. It feels so peaceful.
LUST: It hits really fast and really hard. Just upon one meeting you feel an enormous amount of chemistry towards this person. You can't explain it, you feel as if you know them your whole life or from another life. They freeze your brain and your logical thinking, feeding your body and your emotions with this unknown kind of feeling. You It's like being under drugs, all you want to do is be around them, kiss them, touch them, cuddle them, have passionate sex with them and tell the whole world about how much you are drawn to them. You feel like you never felt before. You hangout all the time, you text all the time, you talk all the time, and the most thing you care about is that feeling and making it last. You can't spend quality time with them because you can't resist having sex with them, and you can't talk about deep stuff because you can't stop kissing. It's such an amazing feeling that you want to last forever. It doesn't matter if you are not compatible because you think that if it feels this good it must be love.
To be continued...