Dating after a lifetime of rejection, VERY low self confidence, and introversion?

Hi All

Apologies ahead of time for a negative sounding post, but they are just the facts tbh. Sorry for the wall of text!

I've been rejected pretty much my whole life. By attractive guy and unattractive guys alike (measured by society's understanding of beauty). Whether or not they approach me, it ends in rejection.
I have no idea what I'm perceived to be looks wise, given I have been chased (albeit temporarily) and rejected by everyone from models to obese guys. For sex, not relationships.

It may sound bizarre, but I've had as many people tell me I'm model beautiful as I have tell me I'm ugly and reject me.
I'm ethnic, so perhaps not being the causcian carbon standard in magazines etc is one of the reasons behind the polar opinions (I'm not playing the race card with that). I don't know.

I've had 2 relationships in my life , and I use the term VERY loosely. The first guy was told by everyone (including his family...) that he got someone way out of his league with me.
He treated me like dirt (verbally abusive/passive aggressive, spent 3 hours a week with me and made me pay for everything, refused to spend anymore time per week with me. I lost my virginity to him and he told me it was crap, racial slurs etc etc).

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Updates:
The second guy just targeted me to use me for free rent and everything else he could get out of me. He was financially, mentally and physically abusive and told me I was fat and ugly, yet refers to me as a '10' in a blog he write ? (he doesn't know i read it).
I've stopped being over generous, so I reduce the risk of being used. I've been used by 'friends' as well as men. I no longer really have any confidence to/interest in socialising.
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If people try to be assholes, then I just immediately walk nowadays vs hang around to see how bad it is going to get nowadays.
I realised today that out of 100 + guys I've met, I've only ever met one nice guy and he is married and has the same issues as me (he is my friend).

I am pretty introverted nowadays, and comfortable with spending time alone (last 2 years). I look around 28.
I gained weight over the years and then lost it last year (my body was average).

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  • Don't walk away if people get real just stand up for yourself. Verbal abuse is only abuse if you let it be.

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