How to deal with him moving on when you are still affected by what happened?

Last year I got close to an old friend, it all seemed fine but we started arguing& after that it became a regular pattern. Every arguments grew in intensity but I would always go back. He would 'use' me in between girls - when a new girl came along he drifted from me& then an argument would come. A few months ago we became close again& about a week later he opened up to me about his self harm. I was absolutely crushed but I told someone about it& things to seemed to get better. However, about a week later when I needed him just as he needed me the week before, he was rude and inconsiderate telling me 'you're always upset and always say this' and told me I have loads of other friends so there's no reason to open up to him. He started talking about control saying he controls our conversations and he's the only one who can end them & to ‘get it through my head’. Once he even said ‘aww you think you have control that’s cute’. He threatened me but denied it and said 'to sort my head out'. In the end he’d take it all back and say I was just too innocent & take everything the wrong way. He even sent something off my friends phone pretending to be her trying to me think that she was taking sides with him. It was awful but I know I’m not innocent – I did and said things wrong. It's been a few months now but I'm still affected by what happened & what was said. He picked on my biggest insecurities and since my anxiety has gone through the roof. I don't see him anymore & I've met knew people but it just doesn't feels weird. I found out earlier that he's got a new girlfriend and he's open about how much he loves her to the point where he seems desperate. I just feel so stupid. He could just about last a few weeks without arguing with me but someone he's known for a few weeks he's head over heals for. I feel even more stupid as I'm still so affected by it yet he's clearly not. I don't have feelings for him but I'm still affected by what happened and people can't seem to get it.

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What Guys Said 8

  • If you are still this affected, I question your statement that you do not have any feelings for him.

    This guy sounds like the king of the jerks.

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  • Tbh the guy sounds crazy. Not right in the head. Or he's just a piece of shit roaming the earth but if he ever comes back to you let him know who has control now. And tell other people about him too so if he does try anything stupid, people will know about him. But just let him do him and let him self destruct

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  • Not going to say anything about that relationship you have with that guy. Just do the best you can to move on. It takes time, and keeping yourself occupied. What always helps is just being around people whether it be friends, family and meeting that new person you might hit it off with. You got this :)

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  • Is this one of your sex buddies an older friend? Your needs and your jealousy are clouding your mind either you want him for exclusively or not

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  • It sounds to me you deserve much better than that.. anxiety is a mind set I go through the same stuff not the exact same of course but I feel for you you'll find someone right one day I swear

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  • Every dog has it's day... wait patiently and he'll come back... then you'll have you're chance to snap back

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  • Do you have a well respected older adult near you. Ask for help from everyone till you find the person that can talk you through your situation. To us looking in w no attachments it’s an easy solution. But your living it. So it’s not so easy. Your emotionally attached. So find a professional shrink. And get real advice that can really help you. You will be fine. Everyone has been there for the most part. Realize that you are strong you are going to come into your own an most importantly. Your trying. That is where most people fail. So you are already ahead of many.

    Smile 😃 you will find a path.

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  • I have no real answer for this, beside move on really... Which is probably what everyone else says... Sorry :/

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What Girls Said 2

  • Ok, 1st things 1st, you are ruddy amazing. Now, as far as this fair weather friend is concerned, say goodbye. Fill your time with things that benefit you. If he attempts to come back in your life, shut it down. He no longer exists. You are not his plaything and he is not your responsibility. If you feel he may be in danger call an ambulance/5-0. It is not on you to be his safety net. Treat yourself better, love yourself more. What he is doing is a form of abuse. Look up something called "Power and Control Wheel." Let him go. It's easy if you want it!

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  • Feel good for him if

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