Why do people ask how they MAKE people commit?

I never understood this. Someone will be fucking someone who has made it clear they don't want to be with them, or they make it clear impassively. They get into it knowing this person isn't looking for commitment, but they're convinced they can "make them" commit somehow. Whether it's with great sex, by showing them how "girlfriend/boyfriend" material they are, etc.

Then, act SHOCKED when it doesn't work out?

If someone wants to commit, they will either do it, or they won't. They can't be made unless you baby-trap them or some shit like a total psychopath. Even that isn't guaranteed to work. People can still tuck-tail and run from your crazy ass.

Thoughts?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • You right. I think it speaks to how controlling the individual might be 🤷

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  • Unrequited love causes this. One side more interested than the other and it can drive some to not think rationally.

    Have you never experienced this? Or at least been on the receiving end of it?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Oh my gawd, I think someone posted a question about that 😂 I couldn’t even answer cuz I was having the same exact thoughts! MAKE someone commit? How bout instead of manipulating and plotting, try not passing the pussy around 🤷🏾‍♀️ OR!!! Better yet, only entertain people who are looking for the same things.
    People are so fucking annoying 😂 people just want to have everything go their way as if there are no consequences to your actions. If you fuck with someone who just wants to fuck... don’t expect a ring 👀 period.

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  • I agree 100%. Anyone trying to force a commitment is desperate, stupid, and inconsiderate of their partners feelings.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 41

  • Few people seem to be able to accept that you have to actually put in work and effort AT THE BEGINNING - before you enter a relationship (or have sex) - to ensure that the two of you have similar goals and values - and to be willing to break it off if you don't.

    Instead, most people seem to want to believe that all you need is mutual attraction, and that any other issues "should be able to be worked out" (read: they should do what I want them to do). They set themselves up for failure and then blame the other person when it fails - never themselves or their naive (or willfully ignorant) behavior.

    If a sports team went to the draft and chose players based on their looks or their nationality or whatever INSTEAD of their abilities in the sport, we would call them crazy or incompetent - but that's exactly how most people approach dating.

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  • That's because (mostly younger) people think they can change someone and/or they are simply not realistic.

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  • "These patterns have also been interpreted as female competition, whereby females may deplete the sperm available to other females by mating with the single male or deflect the interest of the male in mating with a rival female, thus reducing her probability of conception"

    www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3826206/

    So, my question is "How often does this actually work?" You see the instances where it doesn't work. But does it ever work?

    So, the more the female keeps the male drained and disinterested in sex, the more access she will have to the benefits associated with their relationship, and also the higher likelihood he will stay with her and not seek sex elsewhere. Basically the same thing in humans, though we're more complicated, because we *are* *somewhat* capable of thought. But the basic principle remains, I think.

    So, I would boil it down to to what degree a person uses their frontal lobe vs their limbic system to make decisions. Most likely, they lapse into animal instinct without considering their actions. Which is what most of us do on a regular basis, because the frontal lobe's main purpose is just to make the limbic system happy. As we all should know, humans are emotional creatures first and foremost and rational creatures much, much farther down.

    We are primates, in the end. Higher primates. But primates, nonetheless. We can learn much about human behavior by examining lesser ape behavior. We have virtually the same instincts. They are just hidden by hubris and social and personal thought processes. But instinct still reigns, mostly. As neuroscience corroborates. [Dr. Steven Novella]

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  • Perhaps it's a linguistic issue. I often find people talking about things in a black and white fashion when I see it as all a matter of probabilities and not guarantees. It makes sense to me, somewhat, to question how to improve the probability of someone staying with you (perhaps not someone completely absent interest as that seems to be heavily weighted towards failure).

    But there is somewhat of a skill as I see it to developing and maintaining long-term relationships. For example, I have learned the hard way that many girls don't respond very well if you forget their birthday, which is tricky for me since I barely remember my own let alone anyone else's. So remembering birthdays was one of the skills I had to develop to improve my probabilities of developing and maintaining LTRs.

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    • A critical thinker, nice.

    • Show All
    • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=752V173e31o

      If you wanna expand your knowledge, watch this 40-minute short film on critical thought.

    • That type of superstition is something I've found rather easy for me to avoid for some reason. I became an atheist at 7-years old in spite of infuriating my mother who desired me to be a devout Baptist as she was, and ultimately became a software engineer with a scientific background in physics and biology. I couldn't really subscribe to such things even if I wanted as the 24/7 skeptic inside of me would come to endlessly question such things in ways that probably would not hold up to my scrutiny.

      But I have some soft spot for certain irrational aspects of human behavior, like love and hope and dreams and irrational desires, as I've certainly been susceptible to that sort of thing many times in ways that overrode my rational facilities. Yet I didn't always regret it, since the few times I could describe my life as having been "magical" were in those times, and I've always been one wishing to experience "magic" in spite of the STEM background.

  • Agreed, the strangely common thought that you can entrap someone or force a choice on them and have the resulting future be a happy one, is a sick and deluded power fantasy. Attempting to rob someone of their free will in that way is deplorable.

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  • The only answer to your question is "stupidity". If someone has made it clear that they have no intention to be exclusive, then obviously if you're still willing to be physically intimate, then you have to go into that with no expectations, even if subconsciously you want them to fall for you.

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  • Do you tell them about the cage you have in your dungeon. That's sure fire way to make your lover faithful to you.

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  • Fully agree and surely to "Make" someone commit is not real commitment and also technically being inconsiderate to their feelings?
    As you said, if they want to commit they will but if not then they won't, not way of forcing that shit <3 </3

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  • Usually people asking that are narcissistic. They know what they want, but they don't comprehend that the other person isn't an object that will serve them

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    • Soooo true. They think they are the only sentient being lol

  • Similar to what another person said. Mixed signals can getcha. People also end up being confused because they believe that if you don’t want to be with me for the long term then why are you still with me if you know my intentions? 🤔

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  • One word to answer your question: Disney

    Because Disney has taught they that they are incomplete, and that there's only one other person that is also incomplete and once they meet everything will be perfect and happy forever more...

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  • Lol, I saw your comment on that question. They shouldn't even be looking at it as "Making" someone commit. That's a red flag of someone that is controlling in of itself. Commitment is a thing made on will, not an obligation.

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  • Well because people are rude jerks and don't change their core being just for the super fantastic person that wants them to and absolutely deserves it of course...
    (Sarcasm may have occoured)

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  • If they have to force or talk someone into committing they are probably with the wrong person to start with. People are always trying to change people, it doesn't work.

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  • Maybe after a while they think things will change between them. Maybe they thought the same at the beginning but changed their mind as they continued together. It's wishful thing I suppose

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  • Yeah you can't force someone to like you or love you. Idiots.

    It has to come naturally and mutually.

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  • I think you had things easy, on the hard way of average men, you know you must work for things go.
    If I had to wait for a relationship where everything goes fine, I would ask for a chair, a bed , and a tv the wait is gonna be looooonnngggg.

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  • I think it primarily has to do with the person trying to make the other person commit's immaturity, lack of insight and maybe a deep, misguided desire to think this person wants them like that like how they do. It is pretty much a fact of reality that not every person you like is going to like you back. You cannot force a person to love you, that is not love. Some people though think that if they just "have sex with them enough" or "show them enough" or "hang around on their arm looking doe eyed long enough" that eventually this person will love them like how they love them. Sadly, this is not the way it works. I feel bad for the person trying to do this but at some point in time they need to realize that it's not gonna happen and find someone who does love them.

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  • If someone wants to commit, they will either do it, or they won't.
    This right here is my thought about it.

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  • Don't forget mixed signals, and I don't mean subtle ones. What are we discussing? I'm a bit lit ha haha

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  • SOOO TRUE - The whole friends with benefits from every angle just baffles me - Someone or both are going to get hurt sooner or later

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  • Why does anyone do anything? Because at the time they think it's worth whatever consequence it will bring, good or bad.

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  • Low intelligence and delusions are trending. Glad to see you're not one of them.

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  • About 50% of the population has an evolutionary mandate and a genetic proclivity to manipulate the other 50%

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  • Its a show of power thats what it is. They want to show that they can make people do whatever they want.

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  • Because some people have this fixation that they can get what they can't have.

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  • The last time someone made me to make a life changing decision they were less than pleased.

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  • They're dumb, people are always wanting to change people but nobody can change someone but that person themselve

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  • I can see why they ask. They're probably inexperienced. But it's true you can't get people to commit

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  • The reason why is because most people are so full of shit that they actually can't tell when they are full of it or not. So what happens is they have these subconscious gameplay strategies worked out in their head on how to con the other guy into a relationship with commitment. They sometimes work too. But what they always seem to get mistaken is the other guy is full of shit too so what happens after they have a trick played out on them is they go along with it until they find the room to dodge, duck and weave the hell outta there.

    In otherwords, they aren't playing the typical rational, sensible game, they are playing dirty and dont care whether or there's any sense to it.

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What Girls Said 16

  • I don't know that's weird

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  • Its mostly women, because biology.
    You can scream at people and call them bigots and slut shamers when they claim the fact that hookups aren't healthy for most women. But biology isn't a bigot. Most women can't separate sex and feelings like most men can, irrespective of what the progressive community tells about embracing your sexuality and encouraging promiscuity.

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  • I think they wrongly formulate their question.
    It should read “What MAKES people commit?”
    With other words “What MAKES a person special to commit to?”
    All they ask for is a helpful advice/opinion about what they’re doing wrong.

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  • You don't make someone commit. You just leave if they don't give you the commitment you want. Example, say you've been dating someone for 3 months and they're not willing to meet your friends, you might need to assess the situation.

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  • You are 100% spot on.
    Insecure women with a poor concept of healthy relationships don’t quite get this. They can’t accept being told no.

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  • I'm dealing with a straight up delusional guy who thinks he can make me leave my boyfriend if he manipulates me just right. The problem is this guy is so caught up in his own head he barely knows me, and must have envisioned through our friendly interactions that I can fill some role for him. It had persisted despite intervention with managers and coworkers. he's a bit of a special case but I can see how it all stems from a lack of critical thinking. If you think you can influence anything and tunnel vision, you dont see the nuance and the fact that other people affect the world also. I it could be as much delusion as it is misinformation. I mean how many times have you heard of you try hard enough you can do anything? I heard that a lot. People even buy into "law of attraction" without evidence so I think it's just an ignorance thing. They'd rather satisfy thier emotions by reading a "10 ways to make him commit" article than sit and think about who thier partner is.

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  • I definitely agree, I see a lot of women think they can change a man when they know full well that he didn't want a relationship. Some people just dont want to accept the truth that they're just being used until someone better comes along 🤷🏾‍♀️

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  • They overestimated themselves in thinking they can somehow magically erasing the drawn lines

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  • Yes, but sometimes someone will pretend to commit in order to get someone.

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  • Dont know but its absolutely ridiculous. Like you can't make anyone commit and if you have to ask this question then the individual isn't interested in you and its t you me to move on

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  • You can't pressure or make them commit but you can inspire them a bit. I have seen live example of this.
    A guy likes a girl who is a good match in theory but wasn't sure always on fence. Girl got fed up after a year and decided it is over. He decided to overcome whatever fears he had and proposed. Over the 1st year they worked on all the fears like having kids early, finances and new job.
    In the end it was him that decided to change but she a cool chick that made it easier for him make up his mind

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  • I don't fucking know

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  • Probably fell in love with them.

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  • Because they're crazy and desperate.

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  • thats just them being controlling and insecure

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  • Because some people like drama from sounds of it.

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