What is better?

My baby daddy wants to keep the baby and live with me and raise the baby, but i think our son will be better if we put him up for adoption. So he can have a better life with a married couple who is more ready than us.

I mean i know i have saved up and he has as well , we both have jobs and he was going to be off to college but wanted to stay and help me , he is trying to do online college.

I mean i little more towards adoptions than keeping him, we even picked out a name for him as well he was going to be mason and er haven't gotten a middle name yet. Im about 7 months pregnant and will only have couple more months until i have the baby.

I dont think ill be a good mom since all my sibling wouldn't listen to anything i said , and they didn't think i was a good persons for babysitting and left my younger sister who was only 16 to baby sit my 9 year old brother and 12 year old brother as well. It wasn't fair as well and when i tried to tell them to do there jobs , they would laugh and take me seriously.

My baby father didn't really baby sat his siblings or his cousin's at all since they lived in a different state. Also the his aunt and uncle were very protective of their first born and you had to wash your hands and then use hand sanitizer as well. Then you couldn't really do anything but watch them as they swing in there seat as his grandma actually watched his cousin's.

Im honestly scared and do not want to screw up his life and then he grows up a criminal or murders and comes back to kill us or anyone else. Or i do something wrong and he gets sick and then maybe dies, which i hope doesn't happen.
Im due 12/24/18 on Christmas eve
Just to clear it up since some people are confused on it , the baby father and i are not a couples we are just friends who live together so he can help me,

Its 2 am and i cannot sleep , stupid Braxton hicks and there practice labor pain , keeping me up and mason likes to kick me at night when im trying to sleep


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm a Father, Being a parent is not easy, and it is even harder when you are not established in life, i. e., continuing your education or Training so you can get a decent-paying job.

    You Need to realistically assess whether you are Ready to be parents, which includes taking care of a Baby when it is hungry, sick or Needs a new diaper in the middle of the night. It requires a lot a maturity, and you will probably Need some help from your families. You also Need to think About whether he can financially support a Family, including paying child support if you do split up.

    If you don't feel Ready (and it doesn't Sound like you do), you are better off putting the child up for Adoption. This is a serious decision, so take a lot of time to think it over carefully, If you already have a rocky relationship with your boyfriend, I would also advice putting the child up for Adoption because it does not get easier when the Baby arrives.

    It would be emotionally difficult to give away a child that has been part of you for months, but you really Need to look thoroughly at the big Picture

    • We are actually not even together at all , im online for college as well, i have actually matured living with my grandma and i did cook , do laundry and fold the clothes for the whole family.

    • No offense, but none of those is anywhere close to the responsibility of taking care of a child when you're tired and haven't had enough sleep. Ask your grandmother- she probably has't forgotten what it is like.

    • I taken care of my grandma when i lived with her and i sometimes only had 3 houre of sleep and didn't nap , only slept at night. I had to take care of a sick dog who threw up all the time and clean up after her when she did so the other dog didn't get it.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey! This may be a bit harsh, I think you should read your question again and identify your fears about having a baby.
    From what I understood you are not ready emotionally, so you are looking for reassurance from someone here.
    Try imagining the life after the baby is born. what are you afraid of? identify your fears, can you overcome those fears?
    Instead of thinking what others say think of yourself, think of what you really want.
    My sister was not good a baby sitter, and I never listened to her at all. but now she have her own baby. Having a baby is totally different from babysitting. Not every guy gets early training to taking care of babies, they have to learn as they go. All you have to worry about him is if he is ready to do the commitment, spend sleepless nights, help you out with everything.
    there's no safer place for a child more than his mothers arms. if you are a bad mother you won't even be this worried about his future.
    TBH from what I see you are a perfect person to be a sweet great mother, but you have deep seated fears inside you about yourself because of the way how others treat you.
    Think about yourself, think about your future. Think about what you really want.

    • I know my fears of having this baby already, and i don't need reassurance, im getting opinions on this.

      I asked him if he was ready and committed and he said i am and will be there to help me. We are living together so he can help me


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What Guys Said 4

  • Okay, first off, calm down. Babysitting your siblings, unless they we're literally talking a 14+ year age gap, means nothing in this scenario. Look, if you don't think you would be a good parent, whatever, but the rationale behind your thinking is flawed.
    Option 1: Abortion. Look, I hate it, but it's there, and if you've gotten pregnant within 48 hours, I think Plan B works?

    Option 2: You give up your kid for reasons that aren't solid, and regret it for the rest of your life.

    Option 3: You keep and raise your baby.

    Look, personally, I say you keep the kid, but whatever you do, do not give the kid up for adoption without the father's consent. That's fucked up. If you're worried about it financially, well, you're 19 years old. Without your parents financial support, it may be in everyone's best interest to put the kid up for adoption. But this isn't something you should be taking our advice from. You need to be talking to your parents, the father (and be respectful with him, maybe try to make it work, I don't know the situation there. My parents were split at birth and it led to years of issues. Even if you two don't fit, at least try to keep a respectful relationship with each other for the kid's sake), and his family. Also maybe a very close friend or two of yours. Best of luck either way. It's a tough situation to be in.

    • Im 7 months pregnant, and the father wants to keep the baby , and i have almost 12,000 saved up doing work with family and working as well, even from birthday and holidays. I have my adopted parents and my birth parents.

      And me and him were going to live together so he can help me with the baby if i kept him. We have money saved up since were both going to attend college.

    • Show All
    • I was commenting on insurance adjusting because it's a good way to make good money without a degree. I mean my dad works insane hours but he gets 100k+a year, and when a hurricane hits that's 200+ on it's own since he goes all out on those. It's something you could look into as well. Honestly one of you could go down on this hurricane and make 40 grand or so as an inexperienced person if you really devote yourself. It's not easy, but it's a good way to make some cash.

  • I'd go with adoption. If you're not ready then you shouldn't put a child through that.

    • I dont know , im between adoption and keeping the baby

    • Well it's estimated that from birth to 18 years of age, it'll cost 275k and the love and attention of two committed parents. If you can't provide that, then you should consider adoption.

    • I can give him love and so can his father, and i have money saved up , every week about i would go and help my aunts and one would give me 100 dollar for helping her all day from noon to 4pm and then on Sunday i help. my other aunt and she paid me.

      I also work at the co op and get paid each month when i sell stuff in my booth. I have a normal job as well and so does he.

  • Yeah you sound charming. My heart goes out to the child

  • I just can't touch this one I'm in favor of keeping children with the family and i am against adoption 100 % . Sorry :(


What Girls Said 2

  • If that man wants to be in his life then he has every right to do so. Be glad he isn’t ditching you or claiming it isn’t it his. You’ll be stable one day. Once you see that beautiful baby you’ll probably change your mind.

    • I know im kinda glad he didn't ditch me or say its not his ,

      And if im giving him up i don't think i want to see him, that will make it harder but im still not sure

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    • I’m positive

    • Okay , thank you for the help. Im on christma eve

  • The kid will eventually want to come looking for his own flesh and blood. Would you rather they came back to you feeling abandoned? Or stay by their side and get through this together. There are consequences for our actions.

    • What if you make it a closed adoption and then you don't enclose youe name or information, just saying , and what kind of consequences.

      I would just have to tell him, i couldnt raise a baby at 19

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    • I decided to keep him and raise him

    • I'm so happy for you :)

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