Guys, how do I slow down his sexual advances?

A guy and I are seeing each other and like each other a lot. We are in a pretty complicated situation and sex would be a bad idea at the moment. We spent a lot of hours talking in person and getting to know each other and in the last few days we’ve had really intense kisses and have sexted a few times. Ever since though that seems to be all our conversations are about. I told him today that I’ve noticed that’s how it’s gone and he said it’s bwcause it’s new and stuff we’ve wanted to say for awhile. He then reassured me that he really likes me and understands I need balance.

So far the convos are still extremely sexually related and I don’t want to talk like that all the time and I don’t know how to slow it down.
how do I do this without hurting his feelings or making him feel rejected?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Have you tried deliberately starting an important convo about something else that's important to you? Because to me it sounds mostly like you just need some evidence that he's capable of showing interest in something besides sex.

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    • Yeah we talk about heaps of different topics we’ve always had amazing chats it’s just since we talked sexual once ( I wasn’t teasing him I was in the mood) it’s like opening a can of worms that I can’t shut. He said he just has a crazy sex drive and I turn him on so much and he said he’ll try not do it so much but when he does sometimes I’m not in the mood and don’t want to

    • This is pretty much the classic male/female dilema since caveman days. Believe me, he's not lying about how distracting his drive is. If he has a genuine emotional connection to you that makes him attracted to you, it only makes that physical drive stronger. Imagine the worst itch you've ever had right in the middle of your back that you cannot reach no matter what you do. Now multiply by one thousand. Now imagine that someone you care about has just caressed that spot and said they'd love to scratch it for you...

      Anyway, I believe you that you're not teasing him, but try to understand that if you want to talk about something else, at least for the time being, you're going to need to step up and come up with the topics on your own.

  • Spend more time in person and text less. In person if a guy is getting sexual it’s easy to smile let him no you appreciate it maybe give him a quick peck or something but then redirect the attention elsewhere. Over the phone you can’t finesse a conversation like that. A great way to get a guy to be less sexual is to just get it out of the way. It’s the tension that’s driving it all.

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    • So you think if we have sex a few times and finally do it things will go back to normal?
      He talks to me everyday without fail. If I take too long to reply he worries. He alway reassures me and told me he wants me and only me. I think because we’ve been talking so sexual lately and he always moves the convo in that direction I’m getting a bit insecure that’s all he wants.. am I being silly?
      Is it safe to say he just has a crazy sex drive?

    • Nooooo I’m not saying just have sex a few times. I’m saying spend more time in person to normalize your non sexual behaviors with each other more often. You don’t necessarily have to have sex to relieve sexual tension. But you do need to have a few conversation. You’re not being silly but you are being avoidant. Express this fear to him. Let him know that you like the sexual stuff but you want the other parts to. You’ve gotta be brave enough to have the conversation or you’re choosing this life.

    • @Asker He doesn't have a "crazy" sex drive. He has a *normal, male* sex drive.

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What Guys Said 8

  • not matter who Is always feel some rejection when other not ready same, best can do is be honest so no confusion, everyone is dif
    and same goes for sex drives, if it just a balance then talk to him & bring more into convo about connecting in romantic ways & everyday things,
    part prob is guys under 25 think dif, to most it just take pants off & think you ready & just do it, instead of knowing need balance of both things,

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  • Stop sexting. Doing this is telling him that you want him and you want him now. What you may see as a little fun or even foreplay he is seeing you saying come take me and take me now. Then say just what you said here. Though it may be a tough sell since you have been telling him your more than ready by sexting

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    • This is a decent answer. I don't know why she's teasing him and then wants him to chill out. Girls make no damn sense sometimes.

  • There's 2 option:
    #1. This is less extreme - ask him to jerk off his horniness and them come have a convo, this will cool him off had help him think with his heart instead of his dick.
    #2. This is the risky option - Give him sex, sometimes when people get what they long for, they loose interest. But sometimes it's exactly opposite, he may like it so much he will keep coming back for more, like a tiger who has tasted human flesh.
    Try option#1it's less risky.

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  • You have to be open and honest about it just explain how you feel. He might be in same spot and think that is what you want so try and control the conversation to keep it on non sexual topics for the moment.

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  • "sex would be a bad idea at the moment"
    1) How
    2) Why

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  • Tell him straight up

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  • lol good luck 🙃

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  • Embrace them until he’s satisfied

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