How do you get over your first love?

I've been trying to get over him for 4 years. And no success. He is interested in someone else now and its breaking my heart. It feels like ill never love someone this much again. And yes if there were someone else I could date now , but there is no one who compares to him. So I don't know what to do.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • You focus on yourself, becoming the person you want to be, improving yourself and dealing with the things you don't like about you.

    You throw yourself into constructive hobbies, take a class or learn a new skill. Go hiking every weekend, learn Spanish or French.

    I learned to juggle, started a regular workout routine, and blew the competition out of the water at work (I was a salesman, and became the most successful one on the floor after a few months).

    I started trying to casually date, but in the end I actually ended up getting back together with my ex. I think it was the day I decided to start moving on that things began to turn around for us, actually.

    Either way, you'll be glad you focused on something else and worked on being a better you.

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    • Focusing on yourself ends up turning into selfish behaviour because people gravitate that way. It's more of a euphamism

    • @penguin1965 What the hell are you talking about?
      I'm talking about self-improvement and building confidence, learning new skills and stuff. Selfish behavior? And what euphamism? That part doesn't even make any sense in this context.

    • When one decided to "focus on self", they misread it and become selfish. That's the euphemism. I'm not saying that all do. Yes improving yourself is good but there is a wide variety of opinions on what self improvement is

  • That's the problem right there young lady. Your comparing him and your relationship to what it used to be. Like the touch of his skin in the morning the words that were said the thoughts you were having as he move closer to you and whispers in your ear. The looks that he would give you the love you felt for him as he is making you breakfast or something really cute. DON't forget those things and live though those memories. You will not forget about him cause I have never forgot my first love its been over 10 years. But I am married not with a young baby life will happen and you will find a lover , just don't comparing his actions to what you were used to while you to were together , this new guy may act close to him but will never act the same way he did. You will find new things to love. in turn will be the same things you already do just differently now

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Most Helpful Girls

  • You need to stop comparing others to him. He is your first love and he’ll always have that place in your heart. But you will only get over him if you stop comparing others to him and if you move on with someone else... i know it’s easier said than done, but as long as you’re single and he’s not, you can’t get over jim. You need to focus on yourself, get a hobby, go work out, do fun things with your friends/family and stop focussing on what he’s doing with who. Good luck babe.. i know it’s hard but you will move on and it will get better. Trust me xx

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  • I didn’t have to try, I just did. He’s married now and happy. I liked the guy, we didn’t work out, but I cared about him enough to be happy he found love and I love myself enough to know he’s not the only option out there for me.

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What Guys Said 47

  • I hate to say this, but it your still stuck on him after 4 years.. Go out and get laid.. find a dirty, naughty, kinky fuck boy and ride the hell out of him a few times. break that bond with your old flame. it might not break right away , but it will fad.. Fuck it way if you have too.

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  • Why should you get over him? Keep the happy memories. It'll come in handy when you're down. You don't have to love another person the way you love him. I think it'll be unfair to the other person. Move on with the mindset that you want someone new who isn't like the ex. And you'll have new love.

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  • Dated my first lover for over 11 years and it took close to 5 years to clear her from being in my thoughts. Time is all that it takes, nothing else works. Sure you can date someone else, but you will still think of your ex until the time runs out.

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  • When I moved from California to Ohio, I had never really like a girl. First day I saw the prettiest funniest girl you could ever meet, but she is not into me. I still think about her and can't get over her, because I will always compare everyone to her.. Honestly I really dont think that feeling will ever go away, but it will fade eventually, just branch out. :)

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  • You need to let him go and cut all emotional attachments to him. It has been 4 years and you allow his actions to effect you...
    How dare you compare your next guy to your ex. That is truly not fair and I hope for the sake of your new relationship that you would not bring that type of red flag baggage into a new relationship.

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  • Sorry to hear that. I will speak from experience. Yes I know I'm a guy but we're human.
    You can't try to get over him. This has to run it's course. It took me 10 years or more to get over my first love. That's not to say it will take you that long. Yes it's hard but you have to find a way to move on. Yes you will be able to live someone again. It's a process. Just allow yourself to go through it.
    And yes there is not only someone who compare but someone who's better.

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  • I'll be honest with you, what you are feeling might now be true love, some people just get used to the company of that person, and that will make you think that you fell in love with him, that is not really the case, try to go out with friends, talk to people, have fun, if he has already moved on, then it's your time to do the same

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  • Its difficult to get over from ur first love bcoz u have been loving her/his with the core of ur heart for u their priority matters and its hard to find other person as much loving and caring as previous one was... though it gets difficult to love someone else u r still in the depress mode where u Dont want anyone just him/her to have a chat and hug that's what it makes difficult to get over from. first love

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  • Find someone else to love. He wasn't perfect and neither will the next guy. You keep holding on thinking he will come back to you but he's moved on. You're still stuck on him. Just learn from the experience.

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  • Honest, it will always hurt. It to me while just avoid him at all cost social media, in public, even his friends. Focus on things that you want to improve in yourself and focus your energy on work and other hobbies.

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  • Find your second. That's not saying your over the first. I still have feelings for my ex's I'm not in love with but I think it's hard to share that much and not have lingering feelings even if it's an unspoken thing.

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  • I was crazy for this girl. For about three years. Eventually I got so fed up about not being able to move on even after she and my best friend started dating. So... I joined the military. I'm almost over her

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  • There may well not be someone you know currently. Just accept that you may have to wait a while before finding someone else, and use the time to focus on yourself.

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  • It just takes time. Took me ten years to get over my first love. It just shows you're a kind, loving, dedicated person.

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  • It takes time. Just remember he just another person. What if you got married and he didn't turn out great later on?

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  • 30 years later and I still haven't gotten over her.

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  • Apparently you never do but i'm not so sure that's true

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  • My first love was a chick in the first grade. I gave her a rose on Valentine's day and she rejected me. Long story short I have ptsd

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  • Well you would have to do it in your own way for me I'm still not over her but yet I try to just keep myself busy

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  • It took me two years, it is not very easy when it is the first time

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What Girls Said 12

  • When you find out please let me know...
    True Love! Is It Ever Attainable? ↗

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  • Focus on improving you so that you feel good about you. Then date multiple guys. Never give anyone that kind of power of you. Don’t waste tears on him he’s not wasting his tears on you. Just make him regret letting you go.

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  • Some say you will never forget him but i say to just find a distraction (another guy) and start dating again. Just force yourself to see other people too

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  • Well, not everyone gets completely over it. I'd rather start to accept it's not meant to happen. I don't know your situation, if you would have given more details i could have given you better advice

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  • You just do it. You waste time while he is with someone else. Use your brain. I expected that from a 15 yo. But you are 31. Act your age and be confident. Dont stay after a guy who isn't interested and never will be.

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  • I was trying to move on mentally like six months before it ended and after it actually ended and in no time I found someone else and that's how happened😊.

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  • you just need to let go. You have to stop comparing others to him. You should lose all contact until you're ready

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  • It’s hard, I know, and I’m so sorry. I loved someone years ago that I even moved acrosd the country for him. (I met him while we were in the military and he moved back to his home state) We ended up breaking up and it destroyed me. I was super depressed. Cried every day and hardly ate. I didn’t know how I was gonna make it day after day. I tried to keep myself busy and take to friends. Go out with them etc. It seemed like nothing worked. Honestly, time is what “helped”. I know it’s not something you want to hear, neither did I. But that’s the only thing tjsy helped. It took me 6 years to get over him but I ended up getting over him slowly year after year.

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  • You have to learn to see him in bad light.

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  • You need a cord cutting process done 🎃

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  • It's not easy for most people, but it's possible eventually, though, it may take about decade or more, depends on how strong your feelings were.

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  • I used to be in that very same spot. Give it time. Separate yourself from him. You really need to meet someone special. Even if you aren’t ready, go on tinder or pof and just talk to them. Give them a chance. I didn’t give over my ex for years and years until I finally gave up on him and tried online dating. I met someone and I never looked back.
    I used to think I’d never find anyone who compared to him but I found someone so much better!

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