Should I keep dating a separated man who hasn't filed for divorce?

So I (33 y/o) met this guy (45y/o) on online a few weeks ago and we had our 3rd date yesterday. All our dates have been nice and he's initiated to see me for all of them and now for a 4th date. I really, really like him and as corny as it sounds, I'm beginning to daydream about him all the time (which isn't usual for me at all!!!). I'm guessing he enjoys my company too (otherwise he wouldn't want to see me again) however, there are two things that have been weighing on me:

He's separated and has been for 2 years (i think they got married in 2013)... the separation was as a result of the really devastating loss of their baby at 7 months that drove them apart. They remain friends it seems and sounds like they talk regularly... he also mentioned they have a dog who he sees every month or second month... and he says they aren't getting back together. He says he regrets not pushing for a divorce sooner and the reason was just because he wasn't dating so it didn't seem relevant until now that he's started dating.

He hasn't tried kissing me and I reached out to hold his hand on date 2 as we crossed the street... we held hands again yesterday and I initiated that again... part of me wonders if either he's not attracted to me like that? Or perhaps he sees me more as a friend? Maybe it's because he's still processing feelings about his wife.

I really like him but also afraid that I may be just be falling for an emotionally unavailable man... what do you think? Be honest with me, I can take it :).


Most Helpful Guy

  • It is not a promising picture for you!

    • :( I know... which part is worse?

    • He is probably too overwhelmed with guilt to file for divorce. If you continue to date him, you would be engaged for 27 years to him, waiting for that divorce that he keeps promising.

    • * sigh * you're so right... thanks for the advice

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What Guys Said 3

  • Since you asked what we think: I don't think it's right to date someone who is married, even if they're separated.

  • Fuck no

  • Probably not.

    • Probably implies maybe?

    • Show All
    • Casual is the way to go. Statistically speaking, couples who lose their only child tend to break up. It's probably an evolutionary instinct to avoid "bad" matings, and no I'm not saying it's a conscious decision.

      If you wanted to be a good "person" you could date him casually until he realizes that it's over. Do you want kids?

    • Yeah... casual it is and I guess I should see other people so I'm not too caught up in my feelings with him.

      Kids are more of a nice to have but not need for me.

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