Do extraneous variables impact your relationship?

My boyfriend has a lot of outside stressors that impact progression of relationship. It relates to his children and his family... as everyone relies on him. I do admire him for being reliable. Although, it impacts his personal goals. When these stressors happen he usually becomes quiet. I won’t hear from him. Yesterday was first time he told me a little about something before he went into hiding. After two years, that is progress. Our relationship has been going baby step by baby step. It has been a roller coaster as he has pushed himself away before. Recently I started to push myself away, but he came back. There is a lot more of learning and understanding of each other.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Children and family issues are real life changers. It makes you depressed, always tired and the constant pressure to perform. Sometimes it is near impossible to explain it becasue their is too much history to say it all. Stand by your man.

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    • After two years, I’ve been standing. Sometimes I think he’s walking away, when he’s dealing with stuff, but then
      comes back. This last time I walked away, and he came back after me. There must be something there as we can’t say goodbye. I think we are still learning and understanding each other, and building trust. He mentions something and says “don’t pry”. I could be reading too much into it, but when he says that it makes me feel like he doesn’t care. I think I am learning that it means he has to get through it on his own. I hope he realizes I’m standing by him. 😊

    • It sounds like you are standing by. I wonder if his 'don't pry' comments of shame or embarrassment over those details. Especially if he is afraid you will judge him on this one item. I know ir feels bad but it doesn't sound like he means to offend as much as he doesn't wanty to ruin your time with what is driving him crazy. I guess you need to be threr when he downloads. My advise is to try and stay with it.

Most Helpful Girl

  • We have external stressors that effect our marriage, however, we face it as a team. Sometimes it makes us so emotionally drained we don’t feel sexual and we just want to eat ice cream in bed and snuggle or I cry in his arms. We may have a bitch fest over the other parents being a-holes. But the important thing is we don’t let it tear us apart.

    We also face stressors in the marriage such as finances, disabled children, and miscarriages. He works full time and goes to school full time.

    There will be ups and downs in any relationship/marriage.

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What Guys Said 8

  • You should be a team perhaps he’s too independent for that and that’s ok if your happy with him then just be there for him. Iv had these stresses big time and there’s nothing better than coming to a pizza with a coffee and a chat when things get tough

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  • This is what relationships are, how they're built, what it takes to make it work.
    You're patient and loving, or move on. The choice is yours to make.

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  • Yes sometimes life in general can get in the way of a realtionship. Work, an ex, kids, debts and health issues can all play a part in hurting a realtionship.

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  • Everything in a relationship has extraneous variables after all it is between two human beings. So the answer is face them and fix them as they occur. Secondly understand they will never cease from occurring.

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  • Every part of life has the potential to effect a relationship

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  • Drink a beer, get a tattoo, listen to Ralph Vaughn Williams, and quit worrying.

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  • This is simply a reflection of how simple or complicated you want it to be

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  • It does. Be patient with people.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I think any and every little thing affects your relationship only if you want it to.
    So choose.

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  • My boyfriend is a people pleaser, he tries to maintain relationships with nearly everyone he meets, which makes him very busy, and he doesn't always think about how his actions to please one person may hurt another person. He also has the mentality that lying to someone is better than disappointing them, which I've taught him is not the case with me, cause I'll always find out. But he's since destroyed a friendship due to lying, which is still worrying for me if he still thinks its ok to lie to friends.

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