Why are guys usually the ones expected to make the first move?

It seems there is an unfair expectation for guys to be the first to initiate contact and evince their feelings or desire for the other person, even though the reasons why girls choose not to do so apply equally to us guys. We're human too, after all, so we also have a fear of rejection, get nervous or become unsure of what to say, can be inexperienced, shy, awkward, diffident, etc.

So why the double standard? And why does the burden of the first approach fall mostly on us?
  • I believe it should be guys who make the first move
    Vote A
  • I believe it should be give and take between the sexes
    Vote B
  • Other
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Because courage is related to testosterone... So making the first move as a guy would make you look a certain way in the eyes of the woman... I am not saying that you should always initiate everything, it should be close to 50/50, but when it comes to doing a think for the first time I'd prefer the man to do it mostly

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    • "Because courage is related to testosterone..."
      Oh, yeah - just like lip color is related to sexual attracriveness. So if makeup is legal - why are anabolic steroids illegal again?
      That's makeup for men. Makes them look better, and makes them feel more confident.

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    • @englisc "Men tend to over-estimate the size that women prefer men to be anyway"
      Women are all over theplace - most women have no concept of what's hot - they think relatively. You show them a guy with a dad bod, and a fat guy, they'll say the dad bod guy is hot. But then you show them a picture of an underwear model, and suddenly the dad bod guy is yucky. Then you show them a picture of Chris Hemsworth, and when they look back at the natural underwear model, they'll think "he looks scrawny". So generally, speaking, if you want to pick up chicks with your physical appearance, you don't have to be hot, just hotter than your surroundings. That's where I'm fucked - my main dating pool is still a university campus, AKA where the rich, wealthy, well fed, handsome people go. In any part of the country, I'd score a 6.5, in the uni, I'm a 4 (I'm trying to be objective here). That's why I started thinking about cycling.

    • @Benedek38

      I might have been, but I wouldn't be dumb enough to get caught. Our police aren't laid back.

      I think that many young guys today have huge insecurities, and I'm not trying to insult you when I day this but you definitely do. These insecurities about height, looks, wealth etc. Hold you back more than those things do. I'm only 5'4" myself, yet I've done ok with women because I have none of those insecurities. The height thing has never bothered me - I know that it's a disadvantage but like I said, being insecure about it and worrying about it when you can't change it does you no favours, especially when the number one quality women look for in a man is confidence.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Girls are just more stubborn about it. If a few more guys go for it than girls then a few more girls can afford to wait, which forces a few more guys to go for it, which lets more girls wait and so on until the norm is that guys do it and girls don't.

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  • Women suck at flirting when they can't use their sexuality. Women flirt with me all the time but its usually SO fucking vague, straight from a cosmo magazine or facebook post written by another woman... So I play dumb on purpose. its so bad a man could could write an article titled "How to flirt with us." 2 million men give the article a thumbs up. Women would be like "naaaaaaaaaaaa... thats dumb... no way that works... I'm gonna continue to point my knees at him and blink a lot so I like I have something in my eye."

    Its fun to think about how extinct we would be if women HAD to take the initiative in more things. Spiders and mice would outnumber roaches and ants on this planet.

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    • Lol @ your last paragraph XD

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    • Yeah bro I feel ya. I think we can still find some proper women around but perhaps their numbers are getting lower. But I think it's worse over where you are though (in the US), so I hear

    • Lol are you sure they're actually flirting with you tho...

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • I believe it should be give and take between the sexes. In both of my relationships I was the one to initiate *most* things.

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  • I would never make the first move and I'd never date a shy anxious guy. I like guys who make the first move because that is a sign of confidence and a lack of fear which is very attractive in my eyes. I find it masculine.

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  • I wouldn’t say expected, y’all just usually do make the first move. Blame your male friends

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  • For me to approach I would need tons of obvious ass signs. I’m very shy. It’s annoying. For me he has to approach. Otherwise I’ll be at home watching movies expecting the love of my life to break in and join me.

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    • But that's true to many guys just as well, so what's the difference?

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    • @Factshurt90 I'm the exact same as you. I'd require signs in order to have assurance that there is something mutual going on so that I can know beforehand that I do have some sort of a chance with her. Otherwise, I'd feel like there'd be no point approaching.

  • Evolution

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  • The old etiquette of guys asking girls or to make first moves has changed to where hopefully it does not matter if it is the girl or guy to make first moves. :)

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  • blame the feminist

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    • I thought feminism was about equality between the two genders, not female priority/superiority? Or maybe that's what is started off as but has now developed into the latter, so I hear

What Guys Said 27

  • The first one to realize they like the other person should make the first move.

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  • I think it's largely biological, I mean take a look at other animals, it's almost always the males trying to impress/chasing females.

    On top of that in our society it's considered good for men to be assertive, determined, etc. And a lot of men don't have a problem with that, which is why women more often than not don't have to approach guys themselves.

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    • Yeah that's rather true ay

    • "I think it's largely biological, I mean take a look at other animals, it's almost always the males trying to impress/chasing females."

      I agree with you, but the caveat is that doesn't happen with monogamous animals. It happens with males that have sex with multiple women and leave when the female is pregnant.

    • @cavmanier That's making the assumption that humans are truly monogamous, at least biologically.

      I think being monogamous is the best for humanity and society in general, but marriage and similar arrangements are still just a social constructs.

  • It’s apparent in nature that the males make the first move. Males are more dominant/aggressive than females overall, adding to their expectations/chances of making the first move. Females are less assertive than males, so it just makes more sense that men make the first move

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  • I wish both sexes would feel free to make the first step. It's some stupid tradition that girl are considered to be shy and guy are expected to be the chasers.

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  • I would have to say that it's mainly a cultural thing. We're just constantly exposed to what the "ideal man" should be doing and asking a girl out is one of those things. Slow progress is being made in order to combat that though.

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  • Only weak useless guys who can't approach women are submissive enough to accept a female to pick him up. She might as well bang you In the butt. since you're not man enough to say hello. Wow men today disgust me.

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    • Bruh, chillax. I don't see how it makes you any less of a man to be a little nervous if you happen to really like the girl. It also doesn't make you submissive just to want her to approach you first in order to break the ice.

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    • Difference between sexism saying women isn't allowed to do it v. s its something a respectable for a women that a man does it for her. From modesty perspective. Sexism is disgusting and disrespectful

    • Sexism goes all ways when it comes to the sexes.
      (It's more than just what you say)

      A lot of female's are sexsistic, to many males that suffer from superman complex reinforces it also are sexsistic towards their own sex.

  • When you require guys to make the first move, they fear being accused of sexual harassment. I'm always getting "You made so and so uncomfortable by asking her to spend time with you."

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  • Biology. It's natural for the man to pursue the woman. The male pursues the female in almost every species. Women say they want equality though so it should be give and take between the sexes.

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    • I agree, but the human species have the distinct quality that they can alter biology (to a certain extent). We're constantly evolving and advancing, and straying further and further away from our ancient way of life as apes. We wear clothes now, have developed speech, use a toilet rather than do it out in the open, are more monogamous now than we were back then, we use contraceptives, etc. And social behaviour like dating is somewhat individualistic (though with certain norms as well), so it doesn't have to always conform to some fixed set of rules set by society or even biology. But I get that biology's imprint will tend to have a more lasting effect and is more 'natural' or whatever. I guess my point is that what's natural to us can change, it doesn't have to be so rigidly defined.

  • It would be nice for a woman to approach me but I might end up just thinking it was just some sick joke.

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  • I'm a sub & bi so I never make the first move. If a woman won't then I have trappy guys (I don't like masculine dudes), ahaha.

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  • I believe as you grow up and have dealt with the growing pains of asking someone out. As a Guy I think we should pull the moves first. Because it will boost our confidence up or bring our self esteem down. All guys should have went through this since middle school to college. We have to grow up and go through those growing pains.

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  • i hate the fact that people even have the nerve to respond to this question, i know it might be hard for you but you have to try and learn how to be a male. On the other side dont think it is easy for the females, dont think they dont want to couple with someone, they want you to try enough so you'll make them feel wanted.

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    • As a male, I sincerely say if I ever get the chance to meet you, I'll feed your own teeth to you. You are pathetic.

    • Albania, Shkodër, Dobraç my adress your welcome
      howewer i had no intention of offending anyone

  • I like being the one that has to make the move
    Being rejected is all part of, it also makes it all the better when the advance is reciprocated.
    We all need to give our feelings less consideration and get on with it, yes we will get rejected sometimes but it’s all just character building

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  • I don't see why it matters but it seems like as a guy everyone expects me to do everything. Maybe it is like that for some women too I don't know but it sure does seem like I am expected to be a Jack of all trades.

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  • I believe it should be give and take between the sexes

    I feel your pain bro

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    • Thanks bro. Though there's no pain on my part as I'm pretty "meh" about dating nowadays. I just remain curious about things like this.

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    • you've opened the pandoras box. I was discussing this very topic with a mate last week!

    • Oh cool! Weird coincidence though haha

  • It's the way we're wired, it's in our nature. You're never gonna change that no matter how much you complain about it. Natural selection is mostly about females choosing males, and nature doesn't give a shit about your feelings or equality.

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  • cause whatever shit comes (feminism, lgbtRoflLol etc) a man's most wanted male trait is having some kind of dominance, that won't ever change.

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  • As an alpha-male, I have no need to make any moves. The girls close in on me.

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  • In person ladies tend to be on shy side. Internet and in person in not the same. Although you can gather valuable intelligence online. 😂!

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  • Girls are lazy and insecure, that's why. Hit the dislike button as many times as you want, but you can't alter the undeniable truth.

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