I don’t think Im dating “the one,” any advice?

I don’t think im with my soulmate but i feel like he’s good for me in this part of my life and i do love him and care about him but i just dont have that feeling that you’re supposed to get. Any advice?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I caution you to be very careful about the whole soulmate thing. You might search your life and never get the "feeling" you think you will have.

    Instead of thinking in terms of "oh my god he's the one", try thinking in more general terms. Is he attentive to you? Does he treat you well? Are you comfortable around him and can let your guard down? Is he fair? Those are the things that constitute love more than some magical stomach butterflies you think you should get.

    Don't be so quick to dismiss him but then again if you drag this out it will be really bad later on. If you are sure you don't want to be with him then break up now, trust me on this one. Not only are you robbing his time but you are wasting your own as well.

    Either that or be up front with him so he doesn't get any wrong ideas and can decide for himself if he wants to keep going with someone who doesn't see a future with him.

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    • The reason i feel this way is mostly because we have some differences such as i want to travel and he doesn’t and its almost a deal breaker bc i have always wanted someone who wants to travel to other countries and other differences that dont match up with who i always pictured myself marrying but i do enjoy having him in my life right now and he always talks about how happy he is that im in his life and how im the only thing making his life good so i dont want to break up however i can't get rid of this feeling and not knowing if we should end it bc i dont want to hurt him

    • So, basically, you are going to use him like an appliance or livestock then kick him to the curb. What does that make you?

  • There is no such thing as "the one" or "a soulmate". That's just bullshit that is used to sell romance novels and tickets to chick flicks. It also supports a LOT of therapists who charge money to listen to women bitch and moan about how they haven't found "the one".

    Soulmates DO NOT EXIST. You see those amazing couples who are in their 90s and lean on each other joyfully, as if each one is the very air that the other breathes. They probably fought tooth and nail for YEARS after getting married. They both had doubts and worries. They both thought that they had made a horrible mistake. However, they weren't whiny, stupid, lazy crybabies. They WORKED WITH each other. They COMPROMISED. They understood that "soulmate" is a bullshit fantasy only indulged in by teenage morons (and those who never outgrew being teenage morons).

    TRUE LOVE IS WORK! True love is pain. True love is dirty, messy, horrible, screaming, fighting, complaining, and then you come back together, each a little scarred and sore, but you build and build. Look at any good city. Are you so STUPID as to think that the city just popped up out of nowhere? NO! It was BUILT! It was built slowly, haltingly, with lots of mistakes and pain.

    Until you admit this, you are on the path to becoming a bitter cat lady and dying in your 70s, surrounded by pets and never having any relationship that lasted.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • There's no such thing as a "soulmate", but I think the feeling you're describing is just someone who truly makes you happy and lacks certain qualities that you're looking for. He's just not what you're looking for in your future partner and he isn't the type of person you truly wish to spend the rest of your life with.

    I would break up with him. There is nothing more inconsiderate than wasting your time and wasting someone else's time. You can't get back all the months, or years wasted on a relationship that you knew wasn't going to work. I would end it.

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    • yeah. guys say there is no the one. but you do get a the one type of feeling when you are with someone that is right for you.

  • I think that if you stay with him, if you are indeed right about what you are feeling or not feeling, it will be your loss and his loss as well... :/

    he deserves to be free to find love

    Unless he is ok to settle for now, like you are.

    I don't know, better to talk about it with him. see if he feels the same.

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    • and if u haven't been with him for one year yet, give it a bit more time. i started feeling it 4 months in. although i already felt a very special connection before that.

      anyways, only around 2 years could we see our love was strong enough to last.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 22

  • Get fun, stop thinking and let the live flows although you had those feelings there are many chances it would go wrong, and although you dont have those feelings now, may happen something which make you love him as your soulmate.
    So if you think he is what you need now, and there isn't any worries apart of that thinking, follow your heart and enjoy your riding.

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  • There's no such thing as soulmate or "The One". That's some bullshit peddled by Disney, Hallmark, Lion's Gate, etc, to sell things like movie tickets. You're not 'supposed' to get some kind of feeling, or flash of insight, or some shit.

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  • I know a lot of guys that hop on a relationship as soon as they find some girl desperate enough to allow them to slip their tiny little members into them. Needless to say these people are never going to find the right person with that attitude. The reason why I don't date every girl that wants to have sex with me is because if I don't think it is going to work out then I am just wasting my time, and hers as well.

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  • What feeling is that?
    Feelings come and go but love needs work time and effort.

    How do you feel about him? Brag sone

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  • Talk to him about it.
    But maybe it's not love but lust and a deep friendship? Love is already the feeling you're supposed to get for your partner aka "soulmate"

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  • What Disney, romanticized "feeling" are you projecting onto him?

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  • No man is perfect. You aren't going to magically know when someone is Mr. Right. You're best off sticking it out with him

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    • well, but u sometimes just know deep inside when he is enough for you

      I know the feeling she means about the one. I have had it for my boyfriend and still do.

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    • @WitchsLove, it basically means that she's fickle and shouldn't be in any relationships at all until she gets her head straightened out.

  • So apparently being good to someone, loving them and caring about them isn't enough these days.

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  • "that feeling that you’re supposed to get" - and what feeling is that?

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  • I think in most cases you don't date " the one" if there is something like " the one" I think there is just " one of the others"

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    • well but if you really love someone and they complement you well, you do have "the one" kind of feelings. Like you see yourself marrying them and sharing a life with them. Just saying.

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    • Ok I know that I never want to marry but every relationship felt like the one ^^

  • If you're not 100% then break up it's gonna get worse as you go

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  • Stick with it for as long as it feels good for where you are. Happiness is the most important thing

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  • Learn from what you are doing and keep going in your own path

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  • Keep looking. Don't settle.

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  • What would make your one different from the rest?

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  • Break it off.

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  • Does he have a llama?

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  • And have you had that feeling before?

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  • It's about working not the feeling

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  • It's ok just live your life. You just know it'll stop some day so just have fun.

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What Girls Said 17

  • If you think he´s good for you at this point in time, then stick with him for now. Just go with the flow, see what happens. Maybe you´ll meet your soulmate one day or maybe not. I met mine, but he´s already married.

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  • "The One" isn't a thing unless we're actually in The Matrix.

    If you're 100% sure that you can't have a fulfilling relationship w/o that feeling, talk to him about it & if it's not something that can be fixed, leave. You'll be doing both of you a favor.

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  • Depends on how long you have been together. You usually don't feel like he's "the one" right away. Maybe not even for a year or two, or even longer. You can't wish it or make it happen. And I'm sure I don't have to remind you of all the people who thought they had "the one" and are now divorced.

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  • Stay Light and Sweet for Now and if in the Future, No More in Store, Stay Friends. This Way, bae, he can Find the Love of his Life. xx

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  • You don't have to date "the one". You can see what happens, if it's meant to be, it just is. Live for right now. If he makes you happy, have fun and go for it!

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  • If you love him and is good for you in this part of your life why asking yourselves other questions? I like to take life day by day, we don’t know what the future holds for us so enjoy the time you spend with him

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  • It would be dumb to dump him just becausr he isn't your soulmate. If you love and you get along well what is the problem?

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  • Don't waste your time or give out your body for affection only if you don't feel something strong.
    Read about co dependency...

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  • It took me 2 months to develop that feeling as I don't give my heart away easily then I started getting butterflies... Did you give it enough time?

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  • There is no one person meant for you
    There are many based on the level you’re at.
    If you sense it’s not what you optimally want, then end it

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  • It takes time to develop feelings.

    Easy come easy go.

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  • Ur feelings might become more intense the longer u date

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  • Better to end things. It's best for both of you.

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  • Wait or break up with him?

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  • Don't date him anymore

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  • Break Up

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  • Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a commitment to a person... but... if you have no feelings for them, you should break up...

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