Why am I so stuck on him?

so to make a short story quick!

My ex an I met when we were 16. he was 17. I was love at first sight and all the high school sweetheart non-sense! He was a year older. so he went to college first. he didn't go away. stayed local.when it was time for me to choose colleges I ended up staying local too. I was an amazing girlfriend. not to sound cocky. but I never gave him shit about anything. he did what he wanted to. as long as he was happy! This is where the story turns. everything started to be double standard. with him. he could do this. but I couldn't do it. anyway. we ended up breaking up. because we started to fight. I broke it off with him cause I hate fighting! a month goes by. we start talking again. and we are sill sexual with eachother. ( this went on for about 5 months.) until my bday weekend. in feb when I found out. he had a different girlfriend since october ( a month after we broke up) so you can imagine how I felt. my whole world came crashing. on me. so what did I do. I found out her AIM. and I imed her telling her he was still seeing me. and FUCKING ME! and telling her how its not fair and he can' have the both of us. Anyway. because the that IM. he didn't talk to me for about 6 months! I think he lied to her. and told her I was psycho or something when I was being honest! I stayed calling him thru those 6 months of no talking WHY? ( I don't know- I'm stupid I guess ) we started talking again in aug and I started getting random drunk- or non drunk calls from him saying how much he loves me and misses me. and how I'm he girl he wants to marry! and he doesn't care about the girl he is with now. So a couple of months pass by of monthly calls. and we decide to meet up. for the first time in 1 1/2 years.it was like we fell in love all over again. the problem is that he was still with that girl from b4. he ended up dumping her. and we started dating. we dated for about 10 months and we called it quits. ( he was lying and sneaking. and he saw he was getting out of control) he old me when we broke up he didn't want another girlfriend for a while. like years. and he told me. he can't picture. being with anyone else but me. in the long run. he wants to marry yada yada yada. have his kids. so here I am. 3 months after we break up. I look at rebound girl's away message. and it say I love you and his name. and her facebook picture. is a pic of them two! I dun know what I should do. I kinda feel that I am stuck on him. like I won't have feelings for another guy like I do wih himm.HELP ME please

Thank you so much for any advice!

sorry a long story quick I meant to say!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'll be completely honest here, so brace yourself.the guy doesn't seem to truly care about you, if the only reason why he seems to come back to you is for the sex. To men, sex can be a primal thing, as if to 'mark your territory' and show that you were better than any other guy, and make him feel good about himself. If you're giving him this pleasure without any kind of strings of discipline, then it's probably too late.

    Your biggest mistake was probably giving him as much free reign as he had. I can safely say right now that, unless he truly wanted to change, you guys would end up divorced due to infidelity in under 6 months time, easy. He'd have zero responsibility for childcare, and would end up being the most hated guy on your list, all because there was no 'tough love' shown.

    Any guy who thinks it's alright to string two girls along at the same time is low. He's using the other girl for his emotional needs, and using you for his physical needs.

    If you ever want it to work with him, you need to set boundaries that even yourself have to follow. Sadly, it may be too late with the amount of time this has been going on.I wish you luck either way, but just don't throw your life away for one guy.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Hey Anon.

    I've seen this before many times. First things first, I don't know really all the details to your situation except what you provided, which seems to be alot. But have you ever heard the statement "Once a cheater, always a cheater?" I mean, it sounds like he's manipulating you in several ways. Firstly, he doesn't have respect for you. Secondly, trust has been broken, and honesty is the foundation for any relationship- because the previous one was built on lies, what makes you think this one will be different? But it sounds to me like the decision has already been made on your part- even though you know it's the wrong one. So because of this, you posted this message hoping to achieve some sort of "backing". What I'm trying to say is go with your head, not your emotions or heart or feelings, one this one. They will lead you astray most of the time. Don't feel sorry for him because of the fact that he says he doesn't have anyone now. How long have you been without him? How many nights did you stay up crying over this while he was out with whoever having a good time and smiling? Doesn't sound like he had love for you then, so why the change now? Sounds to me like he's trying to find someone to dupe and control again to me, not calling you, etc. Again, the decision is up to you, but I'm 28, and one thing I know for a fact, if it happened once, history will repeat itself. So which end do you want to be on next time it happens?

  • What I notice is that you didn't really detail any of the "good times" you had with him. I don't see you as truly loving this man, but putting up with him because he's there, and because he was your first long boyfriend (or first actual boyfriend, I'm not sure).

    There's something wrong with him that I can't pin, but it seems like he has some emotional and mental things he has to deal with/resolve before he can really be in a relationship.

    Also, you need to explain this last bit because it's unclear, "I look at rebound girl's away message. and it say I love you and his name. and her facebook picture. is a pic of them two!"

    Is he dating someone new? What does all that mean?

    Also, why not just be friends with him? You don't have to have sex with him, and you don't have to date him, just be friends.

    Hope some of what I said made sense, feel free to continue to ask questions.

    • He is talking to the girl he dated.. when we broke up the first time.. I call her rebound..

      today I went on an old aim account and I had her sn on that account and I saw her away message said " I love _____ which is my ex's name.. not partical.. full first and last name.. and I wanted to see if it was true.. and I facebooked her name and there was a picture of he both of them as her main pic..

      thanks for any advice!

    • He definitely seems unclear himself about how he feels. I don't know if even has feelings for either of you (you or the other girl), maybe he does, maybe he's trying to find out who. You need to stop letting him just control you. He shouldn't be allowed to keep coming back to you to test new theories of feelings or whatever.

      He needs to make up his damn mind. Be friends with him if you want, but don't give him ANY sexual favors, and don't date him until you make it clear to him he has to change

What Girls Said 1

  • I think you should just leave and forget about him. time heal all wounds.