Is it normal to be turned off by my boyfriend’s lack of knowledge?

I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 23. He go to university but he doesn’t have any knowledge and he is never interested in learning something new while I’m very dedicated to my medical studies and I’m very motivated and ambitious. We know how to be romantic with each other, but I feel that beside sweet talks and kisses we can’t share anything else! He is nice and very handsome and my mom even tells me that he’s a keeper. But he doesn’t get some expressions, and he doesn’t even try to improve himself! I feel like he is pulling me Back, and I feel very bad because of that. I feel that I’m not more worthy than a superficial girl that only care about look, because despite my boyfriend carring attitude and good look, I’m starting to loving him less because of his brain! But sometimes I tell my self that look and knowledge are not the same thing, because being ugly is not a choice, while it will never kill you grape a book. Right? He says that he loves me, but everytime I speak about a topic, like science or politic. he tell something like, «haha who cares babe!». The worst is that since he is older than me, he see himself more intelligent, and tell me some facts that he just learned a week ago in the tv, while I knew them since I was in middle school! please give me some advices because I’m really confused nowIs it normal to be turned off by my boyfriend’s lack of knowledge?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I don't know. I mean if you aren't enjoying your company together then I don't see much point to it. I never found intelligence to be such a strong prerequisite though in a partner despite of being ambitious and doing well in school and being a member of Mensa and so forth.

    What I found important is that we enjoy each other's company and that I can take some interest in what she does. The girl might not be academically so intelligent, for example, but she might be an amazing artist and amaze me with her creativity and artwork. She might be an amazing athlete. She might be a beautician with a great artistry to cosmetics or a fashion designer into designing clothes. She might just have lots of street smarts and great social skills.

    So there was always some angle I could usually find to appreciate in a girl provided she's passionate and very skillful at something. It doesn't have to be scholarly whatsoever in my case, though I do prefer a girl is passionate about something at least. What I find a turn off is a girl with no interesting passion to work towards at all, like a girl who desires nothing more than to be a housewife. That's very boring to me.

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    • * [...] strong prerequisite though in a partner [/despite] being ambitious and doing well [...]

  • The purpose of dating is to learn what is really important to you in a long term relationship - because most people really have little idea until they have had some experience.

    You should also treat a potential partner like you would treat someone you were looking to hire for an important position in your business: your first few dates are primarily for interviewing them on any and every area involving long-term compatibility. You must do this at the very start, because you must understand that YOU CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE, so it's on you to find a partner who is ALREADY the way you want. Once you get into a relationship, you have to accept them as they are - the good and the bad.

    It sounds like this is an important issue for you, so you need to make a decision. And next time, this needs to be something you figure out very quickly - before you commit - so that if the guy isn't at least close to your level, you can end it before you have made any significant commitment.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Hi and I feel for you. Just the fact that you voice your worries here makes you special.
    You are both so intensely involved in your studies that you don't find sufficient time to be intimate and talk. I see that he seems to be prioritizing his studies over the intimate relation he has with you. He is focused on achieving his goals and does not let affection, sex or philosophical talks deter him to reach his goal.
    He may be older in age but his behavior is clearly lagging a few years behind his mental age.
    If you want to pursue this relation, you MUST have a serious talk about where the entire situation is leading. Make a PRO and CON list, listing all the positive things you have with him and the negative ones too. Do not be biased by your feelings and desire to continue this relation. You must put down all the arguments, even if you realize that the CON arguments are more numerous. The number of CON arguments may weigh less than the number of PRO. Take time to do that list and don't hurry. Once you are sure that you have enumerated them all, share this list with him and together go over the list without anger or fear to hurt or upset your loved one. You must come to the same conclusion and only then can both of you see whether your love has a chance at all.
    You must never accuse him of something but let hims speak out his mind and feelings.
    If, and I hope it does not happen, you realize that despite the talk you had, he (or you) are not willing to make concession that are acceptable for both, then, and then only, you must take the hard decision to prioritize what is more beneficial to your ambitions and goals in life.

    I wish you the best of luck

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  • This is exactly what was going on between me and my boyfriend.. oh ex boyfriend!

    He’s older than me.. I graduated university last year. He didn’t even go to any university!

    Just because he works and get ‘money’, he thinks he has more value and he’s the clever one bla bla...

    Aside the fact that we were -and still- so perfect together when it comes to emotions and love, I couldn’t stand talking to him about scientific stuff! His answer is always ‘ how is that beneficial? And where will ever use this info in real life?’

    These responds got on my nerves! I thought, and still do, that I’m smarter than him.
    I didn’t face him because i knew that would hurt him, but still i made my point clear.

    We eventually broke up.
    I do believe I deserve someone better! And so do you.

    I believe you’re gonna take a good choice. Make yourself proud!

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What Guys Said 58

  • Sooo do you want advise for leaving him? Or stay in this relationship and advise for how to deal with it? You never really followed up with that information but based on the vibe I was getting while reading your question, sounds like you’d like to work it out and stay with him.

    Honestly I can understand where he’s coming from. I tune out of political discussions because it simply doesn’t interest me. He probably feels the same way. I’m not sure if there’s anything you can do to really change that about him and not that you should.
    If you want to discuss politics, join a political discussion group! There you can voice your political discussions all you want and still keep your relationship.
    To me your boyfriend sounds simple minded. Is that really a bad thing? Just because you are aware of certain facts before him doesn’t really mean his knowledge isn’t inferior to yours. I’d suggest looking into topics that you both have in common so you can cherish conversations you both have similar interests in than just paying attention to topics he could careless about and leave you to think his knowledge isn’t superior over yours.

    Basically, find a topic you and he is good at and talk about it more. If he’s dumb talking about your medical studies and politics, don’t bring it up unless he does.
    I’m an electrical engineer, I know a ton of things most people don’t know about my major. Who the hell wants to talk about circuits with me? Nobody lol! I could think everyone is stupid for not talking about it with me... or just talk about a topic that everyone can engage in.

    Good luck.👍

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  • You should dump him immediately and seek out someone on your level or above.

    Women who are with men who are not as intelligent or as ambitious as they are grow to resent them. You are already on that path. It is only going to get worse, much worse.

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  • Is it normal to be turned off by my boyfriend’s lack of knowledge?
    This image cracks me up 😂😂😂

    My advice is talk to him about you being turned off by his lack of knowledge

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  • Would it be normal for him to be turned off by your lack of knowledge, if he had the smarts that you believe you have? Everyone has a level of intellect (or lack thereof). If you want someone smarter, then by all means, find someone smarter. I personally don't care how smart or dumb my love is. As long as we love each other, it doesn't matter to me.

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    • What if they were down syndrome level retarded?

    • Show All
    • @CLoRoX_bLeAcH No, I'm not going off topic. I'm explaining that someone who has less (or more, depending on which end of the spectrum you're speaking of) intellect should not be prohibited from love. From my perspective, you're asking me if I would be turned off by someone who has very low intellect. I already said, "it doesn't matter". Yet, you asked me again, this time saying the person is as smart as an insect. Why would it matter what level of intellect a person has if we both love each other? Like I said, it doesn't (to me).

  • Intelligence is very important as well as the drive to learn more every chance you get! It improves you as a person and the relationships you have.

    If he doesn't want to learn more you'll grow tired of him because you will learn everything about him, and the fun part of a relationship (for me at least) is learning new things about your partner.

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  • Not being on the same intellectual level as your partner is always a struggle. Truth be told, I have lost interest more than a few times because of a lack of intellectual curiosity. I don't need her to be a rocket scientist, but she definitely has to want to learn things.

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  • Maybe his interests are something you two haven't sparked a convo up about. Best to poke at it during pillow talk maybe you can get more on why he is doing something or maybe he'll tell you how he lost a certain feeling that you can give back to him in someway

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  • Humm well i would say look deeper into what you want. Good looks do fade away. What is left is what you have. You say whats is left is not much. If that's the case move on in your life. You are very young and have many more chances for love in you coming days

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  • Totally normal. I would not even be in a relationship if she cannot make challenge me intellectually. All physical attraction dies off over time but the respect you have for someone because of the knowledge she posses is!!!

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  • Not everyone has to have the same interests as you. He could teach you things you don't know.
    Imagine he talks about something you have no knowledge about? Would you really appreciate him telling you that you look ignorant and unattractive?

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  • I am confused aswell, how do someone succesfully study on university level with no knowledge of science or liberal arts.
    No it is not uncommon for very smart/learned people having difficiltuies finding relatable mates

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    • "how do someone succesfully study on university level with no knowledge"
      There are a lot of people like that. Then they wonder why they have a "degree" and the only job they can get is serving coffee.

  • Opposites attract? But seriously this is something only women care about. If a guy is dating a pretty girl and loves her, he doesn't care if she is a genius.

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  • For this situation I think you should leave him because if u guys get married you can't have hugs and kisses to survive on this planet... so first go well with ur studies and see who is there in yur future

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  • you are right
    just tell him to search and know more things..
    i would like to have a girl like you thats interested in science, physics etc lol
    i like to improve myself on some programming languages that will lead me to more important things.

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  • I dont think its his lack of intelligence or knowledge, but rather his lack of ambition and taking interest in things other than the usual stuff

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  • What is worse than lack of knowledge is unwillingness to learn. If you are an intelligent person who needs intellectual stimulation then you will become frustrated and bored with someone like that, no matter how good looking they are eventually the novelty will wear off. If he was at least interested in reading and learning about the world around him then that would be difficult. If you want to go to a film festival and see an interesting documentary would he go with you? What about if you wanted to see an exhibition at a gallery?
    I have met women who also know nothing except pointless bullshit and celebrity gossip that they read online or in women's magazines. Many of those women are very physically attractive but I am totally not attracted to them beyond looking at their boobs or arses. In terms of a long term relationship forget it.

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  • It's best to form a relationship with someone on your same intellectual level or you'll have a life of boredom.

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  • yes.. The pretty face can only carry him so far, then he has to rely on substance.. he lacks it, and you see it.

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  • I don't know about 'normal' but I think it is completely reasonable. Looks really aren't everything. Do you think he could change and would it be worth staying with him if he did?

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  • yes this is normal and it is normal for relationships to fall apart for this reason

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  • The question is, does he know little or does he know little about things you care about.
    I am married for forty four years now.
    Me and my wife never talk politicks. It is not because I or she is not interested in it, it is because we have different view on it. I feel no need to change her mind and she not mine.
    I am a mechanical engineer and have a lot of interest in that field , and also in forestry.
    She knows very little about those things, and I dont care. I dont think she is stupid because of that.
    I dont know much about cloth design , that she is very interested in. She rarely tries to talk with me about those things.
    This has not prevented us from raising three children together and live rather peaceful life
    You should keep in mind that though someone does not know much about things that interest you , he/she is not necessarily stupid.
    He probably has things that he is interested in, maybe all you need is listen.

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  • What is or did he study? He might be more interested to talk about that. Besides that I'd say take a class together, such as a cooking class or art class because there is more than one type of intelligence. You could find out what he likes and take him to a museum of it, if possible. Go to an amusement park and maybe try and learn about the physics of it.

    It seems like you are more board with his lack of ambition and that he ignores you when you talk about something you like/find interesting. The best thing you can do is just talk to him, and if he doesn't want to change or work it out than break up with him because there is no point in continuing a relationship that isn't working for you.

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  • Definitely. A girl can be perfect in body but if she's empty in the head and dosen't care to learn that's a bye bye.

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  • Normal? Probably not.
    Asinine? Yes.
    Break up with him forthwith. He deserves better than you.

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  • It is a turnoff for me, a thing I like in girls is not necessarily that they are smart, but that they want to learn stuff

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  • Have u tried talking to him about it? Or maybe try something else. What are his interests? Pick up a book at the library about something he's interested in.
    I actually have a similar problem with my sister. She's so talented and smart. Has a PhD in German literature, an incredible artist, and is currently studying philosophy and politics. Her mind is unstoppable. I sometimes find it hard to have a conversation with her, becuz she's talking over my head. It's like she's sprinting with wings on her heels, and I'm struggling to keep up. I'm not stupid. But wow! Look at her fly! My kid sister.

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  • Your mum is dumb and he is dumb and you should be with a programmer who works for the market (not the government)

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  • Yes it is normal for you to be turned off by your man's lack of knowledge.
    What would turn you on?

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  • It’ll be like living with a caveman for the whole eternity

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  • If you are a sapiosexual like most Indian girls on tinder then you should find a new boyfriend

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    28

What Girls Said 15

  • Yayks. I've also been in that kind of relationship wherein I forecasted that I'm going to be the one carrying up the relationship and life in the future. So I broke up with him.. We're 7 years apart. 10yrs after breaking up with him, I'm now successful in my career, and he's still jobless from what I've heard.

    I'm really into responsible and knowledgeable guys. Coz I want my guy to be more than what I am. Like if I'm a hard working person, I'll appreciate it that he's more hardworking

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  • A woman in a relationship with a man inferior to her in any way especially intellectually will never be happy, best to just break up bruh. he sounds lazy, unmotivated and a potential asshole. I do not date people with less ambition than myself, and I have a lot so I better find a really ambitious guy or I'm fkt.

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  • Are you saying he's dumb because he isn't knowledgeable about medical care like you are or is he actually Ill informed and incapable of reading anything. Because not understanding your career is understandable, I'm a filmmaker and my girlfriend doesn't get why I hate being a DIT when we're shooting with a Red and I don't understand a lot of things she uses in her graphic design life but we find other interests to talk about

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  • Girl. It is time to break up. The three pillars or true love are:
    1. Emotional/Physical connection
    2. Intellectual connection
    3. Social connection

    Those three areas have to be satisfied for a relationship to last and be based in healthy, real love. You’re too young to settle. Next!

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  • I totally get what you mean I find it difficult when I like a guy a lot but can't have a intelligent conversation with them or their to stubborn to try new things and take interest

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  • Yeah it’s normal. I hear a lot of women say they want to learn smtn from a guy not the other way around.

    I personally would be really turned out if I figured out he’s not smart. He doesn’t have to be Albert Einstein smart but at least on my level.

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  • I think it's normal. For me, I also want to be with someone who is knowledgeable but what's even more important is that the person has the willingness to learn. I think what's happening is that you're becoming more mature and you're boyfriend is not growing with you. I think it would not be sustainable in the long-run if you become more and more annoyed. This kind of things much more complicated that simply just changing a bad habit. I guess you can try to do more educational activities with him, like going to exhibitions and museums to spark his interest in something or make him more exposed to the things that you're interested in. Honestly, the lack of curiosity is difficult to change but give it a try.

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  • Does he know that you are uncomfortable with him knowing so little? If it bothers you so much, i guess you should talk to him. If you are afraid to hurt his ego, just tell him that you are very interested in this and you hope that both of you could talk about it. He will get it if he loves you. He would want to do something together and if he does you can carry on with other things from there. And also remember to ask him if he would like you to learn anything that he is interested about. Give and take.

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  • "He go to university..." you dont sound too bright yourself.

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  • Cut your loses and move on you’ll find someone who will match your energy, interests, and challenge your brain ! Be friends if it would work

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  • tbh, I've been in a similar situation. My boyfriend was super sweet and loving, devoted and caring but we were on two different wavelengths about learning and the world. Now he wasn't really apathetic like yours is, he just didn't know much about the world and politics, he was focused on day to day life. I broke up with him because I just couldn't see a future with him. But unlike you and your boyfriend (assuming here) we had been together a while and it does hurt to let someone go who treats you right but you aren't compatible with.
    If the more you get to know of someone, the less you like them-they aren't the one for you. Move on.

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  • As someone who was in the same shoes and already beyond this phase let me advise you...

    Our differences completed our life together. He drags me around in the car to beautiful views and I drag him to themed parks. He is songs encyclopedia while I'm tone deaf. I'm a book worm and in medical field and he can't remember the last time he read a book. The list goes on!

    But we managed to make it work. He agrees to my plans and I even manage to read him a page or two from my books once a while. I agree to his plans and he taught me how to sing.

    We enjoy time together like movies, games, trying coffee.

    He has his buddies time and I have mine.

    Discussing Guyton & Hall can be done at school with colleagues while living silly with no pressure when you are home.

    Think if he is really caring and genuine then try to find similarities rather than picking on the thing he is lacking. Maybe he is life smart rather than book smart.

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  • I can definitely sympathise with how you feel about this. I would be turned off by that too. It is possible to be quite attracted to someone on the basis of physical traits and superficial personality traits - but if there is nothing deeper to share, a long-lasting, happy relationship may not be possible. For instance, how can you find out if you have any shared values if you cannot have a conversation about anything meaningful? And if someone is uninterested in the world around them, I have to wonder how much they care about anything that matters.

    I would talk to him about this. Ask him what his interests are, and tell him in a non-agressive way that his disinterest/inability to have a conversation about anything meaningful bothers you.

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  • By all means, dump him and find another boyfriend.

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  • Yeah, I must admit I’ve been turned off by a guys lack of intelligence before too. If he was willing to learn, like you say, it’s be endearing. But if they’re not, it’s a deal breaker. You’re definitely not the only one who’s felt that.

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