How long would it take you to give up on a new relationship if you haven't heard from them?

ImI in a new relationship. We're exclusive even though we haven't had sex yet. It's been over a month. I haven't heard from her in a week. I know she's busy and has phone problems but that was only inconvenient til now. We also agreed not to ghost each other. Am I over reacting or is this a red flag?
Updates:
So I activated an old phone and went to surprise her with it. She was super happy & we spent the day together. Her uncle is on his death bed and she's extremely close to her family but I still feel like those aren't reasons to ghost me. She's supposed to be staying the night tonight & she seems more into me than ever. I feel like I shouldn't have to question it. Am I wrong. Dating is work but I feel like she's not working as hard as I am. Should I get out now or see what happens next?
I didn't give up on her or move on. She loves her know phone & that I cared enough to make sure we could talk. I thought showing up unannounced could look crazy but she thought it was romantic. We've talked or seen each other every day since. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder but I feel like in a new relationship it can cause you to drift & go back to the way you were living before. I'm still not sure if she trusts me or why we're taking it so slow but I'm not in a rush She's worth it

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Most Helpful Girls

  • She's having phone trouble, so I wouldn't jump to assumptions just yet.

    If she behaves the same way when her phone is fixed or after she buys a new one, then I'd look on it as a red flag and give up on the relationship

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    • She tried to reach me Saturday to chill so that's on me. When I saw her yesterday I was just happy to be with her, not angry at all. Something is telling me not to give up

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    • I got her a phone yesterday so we just have to wait and see what happens next.

    • I have just read your update. Due to her circumstances, i would just accept she won't be able to give you her full attention just now. I really don't think her intention to ghost you.

  • Especially in a relationship in such an early stage, no contact for a week is a HUGE red flag since during this time you should still be infatuated with each other. Keep in mind that you never actually “have time”, you make it, and you make it for the things important to you — in this early stage showing commitment & communicating interest should be a major priority, so if she’s not making any time to even talk to you I think she probably just isn’t that interested in a relationship or you for whatever reason

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    • But she talks like I'm all she wants. That's what's driving me crazy. She's far from easy so I don't think she's with someone else. If I had to guess I'd say she doesn't trust me & she's testing me to see if I'll leave her after we have sex

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    • @ILikeRamenNoodles I'm not in love with her. I could see it working if she doesn't do this again. It would be easy to just say fuck it. If she was basic that would work but she's girlfriend material

    • Must be the whiskey.

Most Helpful Guys

  • I am a psychologist and I would like to offer you a piece of advice. When a couple is willing to be exclusive and they like eachother then they find ways to communicate. We got 24 to one whole day. There is always time to drop in and to say hi. Look we all have phone and to say we got phone issues is false. We always find ways to fix the phone issues. there's also tablets and computer. How many times do we all to to the bathroom with our phones? How many of us sleep with our phones? How many of us take our phones with us and cannot be without it for an hour? You already know the answer to your question
    You dont need validation. You know what's important right now is YOU. I know it can be difficult for you to hear this but do what is best for you. Also there is nothing wrong on being single. Live life to the fullest stop looking. Stop wasting time on someone that dont put effort. When you stop looking. Trust me that special someone will come to you. I say this tons a times to all my clients and they alway come back and say you are right. It's ok to make mistakes just as long as you learn from them. You can do better and you can only be you. I hope this helps. Good luck.

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  • I would certainly be concerned. Have you tried calling her, texting her, and emailing her?

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    • REPLY TO UPDATE: Relationships can't always be 50/50. If she is close to her family and her uncle is near death, cut her some slack and be patient. If she is a good woman, your patience will be rewarded.

    • I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I don't have a reason not to trust her & I don't let my past relationships effect my behavior in my current one.
      If she wasn't a good one I never would have made a commitment to her. In this day and age a week with no contact is suspicious regardless & I was naturally concerned for her & honestly thought she might want support. We started this relationship based on the premise that we would share our lives on every level. Therefore if something is happening to her it's happening to us. I've offered & given her unconditional support. I just need to be sure that I'm not going all in & she's not. Relationships are always 5050 but sometimes one of you has to sacrifice and carry the entire hundred. I'll do that when it's called for knowing she would do the same. I was just trying to be sure my loyalty in the right place this time

    • "We started this relationship based on the premise that we would share our lives on every level." Maybe you should have taken some time to get to know each other before you made that kind of commitment.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 26

  • That seems shady. The beginning of something new is usually exciting and you want to get to know each other and spend time together.

    I’d give up on it.

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  • I personally wouldn’t be happy if my partner didn’t contact me for an entire week. How can you ever progress a relationship if you don’t speak for that long? I think you should talk to her about this, it’s a red flag in my opinion.

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    • No matter how long in between conversations, you're supposed to pick up where you were.

  • Well it doesn't seem to be anything serious if someone who supposedly cares for you hasn't contacted you in a week. Have you tried contacting her or are you waiting for her to do the contacting?

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  • U don't know what is happening with her
    U need to wait and see her msgs and see if she is ok

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  • Super shady. Why are you exclusive after one month? And why no sex after an entire month? Doesn’t sit right with me

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    • Right? She says she's been used a lot & she has to be sure

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    • Obviously I have no intention of doing that. I'm all in. My point is that an arbitrary number has no bearing on my Intentions

  • A month? No, you aren't over reacting at all. I'd move on. But I am not a patient person. Been there too many times and life is too short. She would make time and a way if it were important to her.

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  • A week of no contact does sound like she ghosted you, have you tried to contact her during that time? I suggest you tI find out if she is okay at first, (you never know if something bad has happened) if she is okay and just doesn't want a relationship then move on. Sorry this happened to you

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    • Talk with het and see if she still wants a relationship. If not then don't pursue her and move on. If she still wants to then go for it. I'm sorry for her loss

  • I would never be that busy that I would respond to my SO for a week. It's about priorities. I have friends that work full time and go to college and they still have time to respond to me online. I am their friend, not partner, think about it.

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  • Not being able to reach for a week is not good news to me. Yes people get busy but trust me, no every busy all the time it's just a matter if they want to use their free time on you. If she's having phone trouble she could have simple taken in got it fixed or gotten a new phone by now so I think that's a likely excuse.

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    • If someone didn't bother to contact me back after a week that I'm supposedly dating, then im going to assume the relationship is over and that they cowardly snuck out.

    • I would've gave up on her but she did call once but I missed it. She was so happy to see me when I suprised her the excuses almost seem believable.
      If she stands me up today I'm done

    • I see that he talks to girls on the TV.

  • MAJOR red flag. I’m sorry you have to deal with this, I think ghosting is so stupid, especially once you’ve made s connection with someone. She may have a very good reason for not being able to text but if not, that’s fine extremely inconsiderate to do to someone. I definitely call things off if I were in your position

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    • Unethical pathetic communication is key to Trust no trust bail out if you hear from her say i will get back to you and burn the bridge

  • Ask her in a nice way. And like someone else said, make sure she's fine first. But then just ask her in a calm but straightforward way, are you still interested. If she says no just be cordial about it, and then move on.

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  • It is a red flag. sorry to say it, but it's the truth.

    Unless she went on mission to Mars or she went to an Amazon expedition, she can't be too 'busy' to text you at least. This can't apply in this era.

    Don't waste your time with her.

    You deserve better than this.

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  • 1 day for a new relationship. 1 week for a 2 year relationship if you go on a business trip and then I'm calling the police and reporting you missing.

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    • Nice take. I really like it
      But tough guys don't ever ask for help. That's why we're just simple and pretty dumb a lot

    • @Rexnine9 Thank you. Also I know you're not dumb for not asking for help, you're just independent.

  • You say she have a family member who is on his death bed. That could be a big deal for her. Why don't you call her and ask how she is doing.

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    • She doesn't answer or even see my messages on FB or text. Yesterday I went & found her to give her a new phone. She was over the moon. We made plans for today but something came up and now instead of the whole day and night together it's starting to feel

    • Like I'll be lucky to see her tonight

  • I had a relationship like this. Break it off... 😄

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  • A week? Nah man you're single now

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    • Maybe I've been lonely too long and it's got me all fucked up. I think I'm putting up with things I normally wouldn't because anything is better than the years of loneliness I've been dealing with

  • She’s having a though time and you need to understand that! Stop being selfish. I am currently really angry at how disrespectful you are currently but lets forget it. The point of this is that she’s hurt and when you’re losing someone you care so much for do you think you’ll be in a mood to do everything normally in life? You would be hella depressed. Either stay beside her and support her while she needs you or just don’t get in a relationship again. When you truly care for someone you want them happy, and you’re not selfish.

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    • I haven't seen this til now. I don't think I was being disrespectful at all. I expect her to put family first & I admire that side of her. She does for herself last. A part of me simply wanted to be acknowledged by my girlfriend. We've been together for over 2 months and still haven't been physical. I wasn't concerned in the slightest she was with someone else but if you don't talk to see or sleep with someone are you really together? I've burried many loved ones including my father. I honestly thought she might want some support. I eventually tracked her down and she loved it. Apparently she did want to talk but had no phone. I bought her would & I hear from her or see her every day. I was never going anywhere. I only asked about this because I've gone all in on relationships with girls that were at best just having fun. We're definitely supposed to be supporting each other. The whole point is sharing everything. When something happens your partner should be the first 1 u tell right?

  • Red flaaaggg

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  • A week is way too long. I'd give up

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  • She is probably happy with the new phone...

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  • A month

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  • 2 weeks.

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  • 400 million years

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    • Are you being sarcastic or would you wait forever if you thought there was something real there

    • No, I’m being serious. I have faith in people just in case but I obviously wouldn’t wait that long

    • Don't love her too much that's when they make their moves and in the end ur totally shocked at what tht skank bitch did

  • Answer yourself

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  • Danish all the way back to my great grandparents (and maybe even longer, we don't know)

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    • Oops responded to a wrong question, sorry 😂😂😂

      Anyway
      I think it's a major red flag. Unless she has a very good excuse

    • Her excuses are solid but still... I saw her yesterday and she promised I'm all she wants and it won't happen again. I feel like a pushover just letting it slide. Like I'm saying it's fine with me if you come back eventually. Am I wrong?

    • That guy is a professional. If is meant to be it'll be.

  • I didn’t give up on a friend/potentially something more for about a year and a half... he stopped writing, save for once in a blue moon to say “we should call and talk sometime”

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    • I chased my ex for 5 year s before we finally did it. Long story short I'm still lonely and hurt. All I can think is I'm too nice. They know I'll wait so I end up on the back burner

    • I feel ya >~< it hurts a lot when someone goes from being a really close friend (or an SO in your case) to nothing. It especially hurts when you know they only write once in that blue moon to see if you’re still hanging there...

    • Then you understand. I'm so tired of being lonely or treated like plan C. I just want someone who is into me and won't just ghost out in a couple months. I'm not jealous or controlling. If anything I'm too nice.

What Guys Said 22

  • My experience is if my intuition tells me She might be out "Shopping around" probably is. Bare minimum;
    She's been either "trying on a couple different hats" to see if they become her.
    Sure it's normal for both parties to do some backpedaling at times.
    It might not be code Red. But I'd say a nagging Code Orange

    Good luck.
    Follow your heart.

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  • Probably after a couple of weeks.

    Have you sent her the last contact... you've contacted her and asked her out or corresponded with her and she isn't responding?

    It isn't as if she's reached out to you and she is waiting on you and you are waiting on her?

    This doesn't sound like it's going anywhere, why settle for this type of communication and time together. There's better situations out there than this.

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  • End it. Even if she thinks she cares about you, she doesn't respect you at all. It's 2018, man. There are only 2 fair reasons to not respond when contacted: you're dead, or you're in jail. I suppose you could argue kidnapping, but the stats don't support it as a reasonable excuse for most folks. Dump that lousy bitch for someone who actually respects you and cares about you.

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  • Once I had a girl get angry cause I didn't message her back after 1 day because I was busy and the next day she started sending meessages with a countdown one after the other like this:
    "Txt me now or I will know you just used me for sex and I will block you"
    "10"
    "9"
    "8" etc and every number was a new message so I kept having to swipe it away before I could text her back and couldn't before she got to "0" and blocked me lol
    Crazy bitch.

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  • Max anybody would take to reply while in a relationship would probably be a day. Even then that's a long time texting back only takes seconds not days. If a whole week has passed and no contact she either died or ghosted you.

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  • What type of relationship is this? Sounds like long distance, otherwise I'd say she's not interested.

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  • That's not a relationship. That's dating. Time to date other people. Don't rush into exclusive relationships. That's a poor strategy for finding a permanent partner.

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  • 1 or 2 weeks and im not talking to her any more :)
    it depends on the excuse if i will ever reply to her :D

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  • I can't think of a scenario where I have a girlfriend and we just don't talk for an entire week, without prior notice of something major that would make it difficult to do so.

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    • My ex and I went weeks without seeing each other but we talked everday

    • key point is you're still communicating. He's saying he hasn't even heard from her. We live in an age where you can talk to anyone pretty much at any time and he's saying no communication at all for a week.

  • Shit when I find my ex and I'm standing face to face man I hope her new guy is there too so I can get him doggystye while she watches after that he can go to sleep then it me and her I'mma say to her I told u id get the last laugh

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  • Don't make any hasty desission yet. She might be having an issue or something. I'd say wait a few more days

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    • Saw your update maybe she didn't ghost you she might've been too worried about her uncle situation. Remember bro not everyone's the same and might have different opinions on certain things. Just openly talk to her and tell her

  • It's a red flag. Honestly, she is cheating on you with her boyfriend.

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  • A week is a long time.

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  • Just did this, forget about it.

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  • 2 days

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    • Sorry what? Her uncle is on his deathbed and you don’t think that’s a reason as to why she hasn’t got back to you? Wtf is wrong with you?

  • Meet with her in person and voice your opinions.

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  • good question, 2 weeks probs.

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  • before the paint dries

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  • I'd say red flag she's obviously moved on.

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  • like thirty minutes

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  • As they say to us guys almost everytime just get over it it’s better that way and you don’t keep hurting yourself.

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  • If she was genuinely interested she'd find a way to stay in contact with you.

    Just move on.

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